Staying positive - a few thoughts

Hi there

I am over 6 weeks past my hysterectomy now. I’m feeling pretty good and preparing to go back to work part time tomorrow. I was diagnosed with endometrioid grade 2, stage 1a cancer but for about a six week period, there was a possibility that I actually had stage 3b cancer at there was a nodule on the outside of my womb the doctors were suspicious of. In the end, the nodule turned out to be nothing and now I have been discharged back to my GP with the option to contact my consultant or the CNS if I am worried about anything and they will see me within 2 weeks. 

The whole thing has been much less painful and even less stressful than I imagined to be honest. The full story is on my profile if you want to read it but here I just wanted to say something about the whole area of staying positive. 

A lot of people talk about staying positive but I was thinking about what that actually means. Many add that its important to feel what you feel and not put pressure on yourself to “stay positive” I think that’s very good advice. Feeling something helps to deal with it but then again, is there a way to feel it but not get overwhelmed by it or stuck in it. Are there any strategies to to turn to and boost you when things get grim. I thought it might help to make a list that I found helpful and would be interested in other people’s ideas and views. 

Its not happened til its happened

I find that in the face of uncertainty, particularly scary uncertainty, my mind makes up stories and scenarios of what might happen. I made an assumption a couple of times based on nothing which led to more stress than was needed. Frankly, I could catastrophize for Britain but I just kept reminding myself that whatever the story I was imagining, in fact I just didn’t know. And sometimes the doctors didn’t know either. Hope is a funny thing. At different times, I fastened on to hoping for a particular kind of news, I wanted the cancer to be this particular stage, this particular grade, I wanted this particular timescale, that particular surgeon, not this particular treatment etc etc.  But of course there was nothing I could do to change that so all the hoping just increased the unpleasantness of it all. I just tried to notice my mind spinning off into a story and then thought “oh look, it’s one of those stories” Somehow the little gap between the thought and the observer helped. 

When is info too much info

People warn against doctor google. Fortunately the information on endometrial cancer is generally quite encouraging but I limited what I read to the minimum and chose my sources carefully. I was wanting to find positive “its not been too bad” stories so that I knew that was at least one potential scenario that might be OK. Given I’m someone who devours information as a kind of “holy grail” - this was a very different approach for me. 

Find a positive bunch of people with firsthand knowledge 

I had a few friends who had had cancer or a lot of surgery and I knew they would be helpful. They would tell me the truth but not in a way that would freak me out. That was really good. I did video calls with 3 people, met with 2 others and stopped at that point. One of them had had radiotherapy and had had no ill effects so when radiotherapy became a possibility for me, it helped me not to panic. This online community is good too but I have accessed it more and more as time goes by and not so much in the beginning. 

Keep the initiative - you are not helpless

The waiting and not knowing was hard. I could easily feel helpless. I found it helpful to concentrate on what I could control, preparing for my leave period at work, preparing what to take to hospital etc. Having little projects and distractions while waiting for the operation was good.

Telling people

My circumstances means that I would normally be quite open with quite a large number of people. And word got around because it doesn't seem fair to get people to keep secrets. So this was potentially quite hard. I was kind of lucky in various ways. Firstly nobody I knew went into panic so I had to use up my energy dealing with their panic. Then with OMICRON and Christmas, I was able to keep out of people’s way and only communicate with people I chose to. I think people hear cancer and then get terribly worried. But then their worry starts to impact you. I think its good to find ways to set boundaries. I found it easier to tell people by email and made a list of people who would like to be updated. But then I was very open about what was happening. I did get a lot of cards and chocolate though. That was the up side!! 

Gratitude

I just kept reminding myself that if I had to pay for this treatment, it would have probably cost more than £10k. How amazing that we can just walk into a hospital and get this treatment. How amazing that all this treatment, expertise and equipment exists at all. And I was really impressed by the nursing staff in the hospital, they were so kind and helped me in every way possible (and some) It's sort of simple, cheesy even, but really effective. I found that anyway. 

Not alone - the imagination helps 

When I felt anxious (waiting for phone calls and appointments) I kept reminding myself of all the people who are also waiting for tests and results. It wasn’t just me and we are all just vulnerable in the face of it. Somehow, imagining this tribe of people helped me. 

Finally 

The bottom line is that even though a lot happens to us outside our control, there is a certain amount we can do with the power of our own mind. Stress of course slows recovery so its also a benefit on that level. My new year resolution was - not to make the distress of having cancer any worse for myself that it needed to be. And for once in my life of failed new year resolutions, I don't think I've done too badly with this one. 

Would love to know what others think about this.