Radiotherapy and bowing out

I just thought I would update my progress. 

Following a hysterectomy earlier this month, I need some radiotherapy "for safety". My cancer was Grade 1, stage 1B.

I saw the consultant, a registrar and the cancer nurse on Wednesday. I came out feeling a lot more positive about the whole process and possible side effects. I am due to go on a three night cruise with 16 other ladies to celebrate my daughter's 40th birthday on 1st April. This was cancelled by the company this year and rebooked for next. It will be a reunion of her hen weekend from 11 years ago. I really want to go. Listening to the horror stories of potential side effects I thought it would not be advisable - it would be possibly only 5 weeks (could be six) after radiotherapy finishes, and I'm aware that side effects continue to increase after treatment for between 2 and 4 weeks, according to the cancer nurse. But when I mentioned it, the consultant and registrar beamed and said they thought it would be a really good thing to go and would do me the world of good. They put all the possible side effects in perspective.Just for information, the cost of insurance is £481 now, but if I leave it until after the treatment is finished it will be £61. 

I've got an extension to the payment date (tomorrow) from the travel agent so I can sleep on it until after Christmas.

So now, I've decided to bow out temporarily and this is why. A few months ago I joined a Facebook group called Holly's Army. It's a support and discussion group for owners of dogs who have arthritis, to discuss various medications and things that have helped their dogs. I got a lot of information and help from it, and was able to share my experiences too and support others. Because most of these dogs are elderly, there were the inevitable posts about dogs going over the rainbow bridge, and I cried over every one. More than that, I found I was suffering from anticipatory grief about my own labrador, who will be 15 in a few days. So I left the group and my mood substantially improved. 

I'm so grateful for the welcome and support I've had on here, and I've learnt a lot here, too. But I need to deal with my treatment now in my own way, and not be reading about potential side effects, some of which I may not get, and if I do, I may be lucky and not get them with the severity that others have had to endure. I'm a positive person and I'm finding that coming on here regularly is bringing me down. I haven't looked for a while and I'm finding I can put things to the back of my mind more, and my mood is getting better. The consutant said you have to remember that you don't have cancer now - it's easy to lose sight of that.

So thank you all. I will be back once this is all over, hopefully with good news, and I'm happy to support others with my own experiences. But for now, I need to look after myself, and that means not coming on here and being reminded of it.

I wish you all a Happy Christmas, and may next year see you all improving with successful treatments.