Telling people

Hello, if it helps anyone, here's how I tackled it.  I told my nearest family and friends (only) when I got the diagnosis.  This happened in 2017 and I got the post-surgery all-clear before Christmas that year so then I was able to write in my xmas letters to the more distant people something along the lines of "I had a terrible health-scare this year, I've had cancer, however it's all fixed now and I am on the road to recovery". This also helped me psychologically to see it as a thing that was over and done with, which, luckily for me, it is.

I agree that there is so little knowledge about the symptoms and signs... I met some people along the way to diagnosis who were on high-alert straight away, and others who, erm, were Not. I notice in my GP's waiting-room that there are all sorts of leaflets and posters about breasts, bowels, lungs and dementia but nothing about unexpected vaginal bleeding. I suspect it's a little Too Much Information for a lot of people. What can we do to change this?  Remember the old AIDS slogan, Don't Die Of Ignorance. I think it also applies to other medical conditions!

When I first had my symptoms (slight tiny amount of pink spotting, 8 years post menopause), went to the doctor and got on the 2 week fast track, I told my husband and a close male friend who is like a brother to me but also depends on me for support (I didn’t want him getting any nasty shocks out of the blue later). I decided that I’d casually tell my adult children that I was having some checks done as I’d had fibroids a few years ago, including a hysteroscopy, but didn’t mention the biopsy. When the biopsy result came back as cancer, which was devastating, I told my husband immediately and then my friend face to face. I decided to not tell my adult children until I’d had the MRI and chest X ray and the results, so that I could tell them the initial grade and staging. Didn’t see the point of telling them without that. After I got my staging results, I spent an hour with one of the specialist nurses (she was wonderful)  as I felt I needed to chat about how I would tell my adult children that I have cancer. I’d thoroughly recommend talking to a specialist nurse or someone at Macmillan about telling people. I’ve decided to only tell a few selected people - ones whose reactions I think I can trust, and who I can trust to not fuss or see me as a victim. For me, I want to carry on as normal - whilst still looking after myself - and not be treated any differently. I’m currently awaiting my hysterectomy date - when I have the op, more people may have to know, but probably, to those who don’t know I have cancer,  I’ll probably just say I’m having a hysterectomy. If, after the op, I get the all clear, I will then make my experience more generally known - I may even put it on Facebook as I do want to be open about it, both in the interests of openness and honesty, and trying to remove the stigma, but also to educate people about the symptoms. Because, over and above everything else, what I am extremely grateful for is that I KNOW I have cancer rather than being unaware of the ticking time bomb inside. When it comes to cancer, ignorance isn’t bliss. People need to know what the symptoms are so that more cases can be detected early. Early detection saves lives. And I intend to bang on about it as often as I can.

Hi Lesley Ann. Well done you for telling your choir members. I had exactly the same idea but due to Covid lockdown and subsequent lack of courage going out I didn't get to do the same myself. I had planned to speak to the ladies in the village WI, Wednesday Club etc. to stress the importance of getting those pink mucous deposits checked out. I was going to ignore them but my bestie nagged & I gave in.

Cancer is a horrible disease and having it is nothing to be ashamed of. When I lose my hair in the coming weeks I'd wearing my baldness with pride but it'd be too blooming cold!

I told most people last year in my Xmas cards but at the time it was seemingly all done and dusted, harder this year to say it's come back

You'll get lots of support here when you start your radiotherapy. I find it easier writing here as so many friends and family members either avoid eye to eye contact and say I'm so sorry! Whereas here, you're all on my side saying I've got this - bless you all!

Hugs, barb xx

I hope you get your hysterectomy soon and can put it behind you. Whilst I have told a lot of people, they are all (even my choir members) people I count as friends. One thing I won't do is put it on Facebook. There are some people - even Facebook friends - that I just don't want to share it with. All the best for your op. We're rooting for you.

Hi Barb

I actually told my choir members (two ladies choirs) by email, because there's always someone absent these days with our Covid safety measures, and I didn't want to keep repeating myself. You have to take a step back at some point! I didn't realise you had a recurrence. Did you not have further treatment after hysterectomy? 

Hugs to you too x

Hi Lesley Ann. As I was stage 1B/grade 3 I was offered 3 sessions of Brachytherapy which should have been the belt and braces solution. All my quarterly check-ups were clear but I knew something didn't feel right in my tummy and my GP arranged a CT scan which shows I've recurred, just not in the same place.

Hugs, Barb xx

Hi Lesley Ann, one of the hardest part of being diagnosed with cancer for me was how do i tell people. My Mum was waiting in the waiting room when I went in to see the consultant and was called in so she could at least be there. We were getting picked up by my Dad to go for a coffee at the local disability cafe and i had decided that I would probably tell him there as i had decided I would tell my friend who worked there at the same time and its a neutral place. My plan didn’t really go to plan, the first thing my Dad asked when i got in the car was what did they say i am afraid I couldn’t stop myself from answering in a pretty blunt way. I was hoping to plan how as we were traveling there but him asking took my line of thought away and I felt compelled to answer. I felt a bit of a prat if i am honest I really didn’t want to do it that way. But after being able to tell my parents which I found hard i then found it easier to tell others. But I did keep it close to family and close friends. I joined here after my surgery, before i had my hysterectomy I actually had an already planned holiday seeing friends, which the consultant said for me to go, it helped me deal with the thoughts just talking, people could see something was bothering me and it did help just to talk about it and being open. We often try to keep things to ourselves in order to protect people too, but sometimes we don’t want others knowing. I like your idea of a dairy i am sure it helps to write your thoughts down, its why I like it here as even in a dark and unpleasant time you can find solace being able to talk to people who just get it, it was really helpful for me and I know many others. Being dyslexic sometimes makes it difficult to out my thoughts across but I know people understand, but also writing things down does help to except what is happening. I am so happy you were able to tell the people in the choir i am sure it helps to have others who can support you. It’s ironic in my mind before i was diagnosed with womb cancer i had never even heard of it, breast cancer, ovarian and cervix cancer yes but not womb, it sounds even more ridiculous to me now because its a very common cancer but i then think if I didn’t know others too are the same. Its why making people aware is so important. I was 37 at diagnoses and often talk to people around my age and tell them about some of the symptoms but also to say if something seems wrong don’t be embarrassed to ask for help from the Doctor, we know that in most cases catching it early can make a huge difference.