Hi Ladies,
Not very long ago, you offered me suggestions on how I might mend a broken and non-existent relationship with my only child, a daughter, Lisa. Well, I felt uncertain and, yes, somewhat self-righteous and a tad stubborn. However, after reading and re-reading your suggestions, I did write her and followed it up by ringing her. I'd like to let you know what happened. If it hadn't been for each and everyone of you who offered your advice, it wouldn't have happened.
One day, during one of my lowest ebbs, I rang her. She was shocked and pleased. We talked about all the misunderstandings and pain of years gone by. No, there were no magic 'fixes'. We cannot undo the past or unsay painful words. Yet, Lisa suggested that we put the past behind us and begin again, a fresh start without analysis of misunderstandings. Yes, there were a few instances that needed clarifying for both of us and we did clarify some misunderstandings and, mistakes we'd each made. Yet, it felt cathartic.
We both ended up in tears. She sad, 'Mum, I can help with meals or just coming over to be with you to visit, if that would help'. I admit, I'm in tears as I write here.
She took me by surprise and said she was on her way Monday past and said she wouldn't accept a 'no'. Well, I made certain she know how welcome she was and why ever would she expect a 'no'. It was an 'of course, I'll be waiting'.
When she arrived, it was as it was in the past. Yet, it was better since it was more honest. We talked and talked, caught up on everything, and pored through old photograph albums. When we did say, 'goodnight', it wasn't 'goodbye'. I've been scanning photographs she loved and sending them off to her. She's thrilled and wants them to keep on coming. She's even calling my favourite doll an 'evil looking' creature. (My doll was beautiful!!!)
We're getting together again next weekend and, before then, a quick phone call and photographs from "back in the day" ... grandparents, aunties, uncles, and building a family history.
Thank you to each of you from the bottom of my heart for the encouragement you gave me and the impetus to move forward with Lisa.
love and big hugs,
Ms. Muggle xx (Jan)
Ms Muggle, this is absolutely amazing news indeed. Sometimes we all need a fresh start in a relationship, whether it be families or friends , things get said in anger or misunderstandings and its so nice that she is willing to be there for you. I hope you enjoy your next get together next weekend, the photo album sounds incredible way to talk about the past in a positive light too. I think it’s especially important for you now with all the extra stresses in your life, having someone close to talk too is so important.
I know not a day goes by that I feel saddened by a friendship that i had to end because of the way they made me feel bad about what was happening to me because it seemed strange and made me feel uncomfortable asking for help because I felt they believed me to be a liar, and it started to make me feel embarrassed about seeking help because I thought maybe my mind is playing tricks with me and its not really happening, and I didn’t want to waste people’s time, it made me angry with them and i had to walk away before I ended up really letting loose with my anger, because despite being strange there is something very wrong just cannot figure out what, I have to say my kidney has really put my head in a spin because I have never saw it coming, now I just have to wait to see what it actually is. I think it’s good I have a sense of humour which has carried me along even on difficult days. Although everything that was said and happened really upset me and seriously damaged my mental health because I began to doubt myself, current situation i face now has made me realise that I know my body best and it can be frustrating when strange things occur and are not typical and that people should be listened too and not judged and thank goodness I have found a wonderful councillor i can engage with and we have also become great friends too, without her it would if been so much more difficult , maybe one day i can forgive this person but i am struggling to forget.
But reading your post has made me believe that it is possible to mend fences so maybe one day i can forgive them and i am just so super happy for you.
_GBear Xxxx
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Hi Jan. I'm in floods of happy tears to read that you and Lisa are reconciled and making a fresh start. No-one really knows what drives in the wedge to keep us apart in the first place and once there it's hard to dislodge but I'm so so glad you "went for it".
You've made my day!
Great big hugs, Barb xx
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