My "treatment", in addition to letrozole, has gone to being a CT scan every 6 months. Well, for the most part, notthing had changed since the latest one. That was in May. When I was finally given the report, it noted that there was a difference. It showed a 4 cm thickening on the sigmoid colon that should be followed up by colonoscopy. Having had a bad experience a number of years ago with a colonoscopy, I was horrified. They booked it anyhow. However, I became physically sick after drinking the first litre of the prep. It was physical sickness to the point I couldn't even make it to the taxi to leave and had to cancel. They were annoyed and when I asked to rebook, I was told my oncologist was away until the end of this month. I'm still terrified and it's approaching. My oncologist is a horrible, uncaring woman. I feel this hanging over my head and am making myself sick with worry about bowel cancer. I am paralyzed by fear yet again. I cannot deal with it and am losing all desire to do so. This pernicious disease has destroyed my life and, now, I am considering never going back and leaving all diagnosis or treatment. I've truly had enough of years of living from one scan to another waiting ... for what? I apologize for my doing nothing except whinging, only I simply cannot take it. Being locked down on and off with the Covid pandemic just adds to the hell.
Thanks for listeing.
Ms Muggles
Hi Ms Muggle, its not nice having a situation where your oncologist is not very sympathetic or approachable either. They don’t understand that the fear grips us no matter how much we try to blow if off and keep going. I am awaiting MRI scan results for my spine because i have been having issues with it but its not totally sure on whether its my spine that’s causing the problem or that it’s simply effecting my spine because I have a few weak points on it. But its thrown up a high white count in my recent blood work but they cannot find any infection and it always going to be in the back of our minds, with our cancer history it’s going to feel like that and why people don’t get it is totally beyond me. Please don’t apologise for your doing nothing but whining as you put, i think you have ever reason to have a grumby about it all. I remember my Mum having the prep stuff for her colonoscopy and she hated it, luckily she wasn’t sick but she said it was difficult to have it then travel to the hospital which was out of town. I hope it all goes well on your next appointment and I hope your oncologist is in a more sympathetic mood when she’s back from her holiday.
Sending you a gentle bear hug 
_GBear Xxxx
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