Help with my anxiety

Hi

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and about your anxiety. I was diagnosed in 2014 with grade 3, stage 3c2 womb cancer and I recognise just how scared you must be feeling. It’s a really tough diagnosis.  

What can I tell you that might help? Well, for a start you’re on the right treatment pathway. Your doctors are doing everything they can to make sure the cancer won’t come back. I had chemo followed by radiotherapy as my first treatment and it got rid of the cancer including a 2cm tumour in a lymph node that the surgeons couldn’t remove.

Your anxiety is totally understandable and very real. I’ve learned through my years of cancer treatment that it’s well worth treating the anxiety and that this is something I can do for myself. 

Let’s think about anxiety for a moment. Imagine I’ve got guests coming for dinner. I am worried that they won’t show up. They do. But being an anxious person, I then worry that they won’t like the food. They eat everything and ask for more. But I’m still an anxious person so I worry that they won’t like the other guests. They all get on like a house on fire. What can I worry about next? That they will stay too long? So you can see, an anxious person will always find something to worry about. 

I am not saying the anxiety isn’t real. It’s just that it’s worth treating as a thing in its own right. I find it’s the simple things that help. Meditation is really good for helping me understand what I’m feeling and not being overwhelmed by anxiety. Taking a walk every day really helps me keep my spirits up.  And I do mean every day. Having a dog really helps that. I look for the joy in every day and there is a joy to be had. It might be very simple, such as enjoying the sun on your face or having a nice cup of tea. A three good things diary in which I write down three good things from each day has helped me at very difficult times. Over time it alters how I look at the world and my life. 

Anxious thoughts are just thoughts. They can’t hurt you. They don’t make the cancer come back or stay cured. But they do make your life a misery when you could be enjoying life. I’m not saying it’s easy to deal with anxiety, I of all people know it’s not. It takes time, hard work and discipline. But it’s well worth it. 

I hope this helps. I’m sure it’s not what you expected to hear but it’s the best I’ve got. I hope the rest of your treatment passes entirely uneventfully with no delays or pesky infections, kind nurses to treat you and easy veins for getting those endless needles in. 

xx

Hello

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with anxiety at the moment. I think it’s a natural reaction to every you’re going through. It’s absolutely ok to say you’re not ok. has given you some great advice. I was staged 3c1 with high grade serous endometrial adenocarcinoma in 2016 and had surgery, including removal of the omemtum and 23 lymph nodes for sampling. I was staged so high because the histology showed the cancer had somehow been contained in a polyp and whilst hadn’t spread into the womb or elsewhere it had somehow jumped into a single, pesky lymph node. I then had 6 cycles of chemo and 25 sessions of external radiotherapy. My post treatment scans were clear and my checkups have all been ok so far.
Treatment can be hard going at times and I certainly remember having similar worries and “what ifs” going round my head. I deal with them better now but it does take time and effort as Daloni so rightly says. I find prayer very helpful and, like Daloni, looking to find joy in every day. It’s been harder at times through lockdown as we’ve had other things going on that have needed our attention, but it’s a practice worth investing time in. I knit a lot as that occupies my hands and enough of my brain to help keep the negative thoughts in check. I think it was Daloni who said that we mustn’t give them squatters rights! 
You will get through this. It takes time to heal from the physical and emotional trauma of cancer. Be kind to yourself, just as you would be to your best friend if she were going through this. Sending you a gentle hug x

Dear Daloni

l don't know how l missed this conversation initially, but l want to tell you that l think you have given wonderful advice to this lady. 

l'm not suffering from anxiety myself, in fact its hardly occurred to me that the treatment won't be successful. But have had waves of depression that wash over me and last a day or three.  l'm beginning to think it might be related to the chemo as this has happened twice at the same point in the cycle ( midway in a 3 week cycle of Carbotaxel) This is completely different to the depression l suffered after my father died of cancer. 13 years ago. l wish l'd known then that Macmillan would have been there for me as it is helping me so much now. 

What a wonderful idea to have a 3 good things a day dairy, on a bad day l would struggle to think of them. But l know they are there. Somebody had suggested keeping a daily log of physical symptons following my hysterectomy, in which l keep a track of side effects, medication and mood swings. l'll do as you suggest, it'll make me feel much better.

Before l started this post l read your profile, so sad to read thst you are in pain and at this stage. You have my heartfelt thanks for helping us newbies down this road. l am inspired by you,  l can feel your love, thank you x

Hi JR1974

I don't know how l missed your post, l wish ld seen it before as we are  similar cases, my diagnosis and treatment just a month behind yours.

Certainly this lockdown and anxiety about the end of shielding doesnt help us. The advice that Daloni has given you is wonderful and l'm taking it on board myself. 

I wish you well and although this certainly isn't a road l would elect to be on, l have met some wonderful people.

Good luck with your treatment and recovery xx

Dear Fairycake

I am using the online community more and more. When l was diagnosed back in march l think l was more pragmatic. The other half was very impressed with what he saw as strength as l appeared just to be getting on with it.

Our relationship started to flounder as soon as l needed emotional support, you know, like doubts about the treatment offered following my hysterectomy. Treatment in the time of Covid as well. 

It is from Macmillan cancer support that l get my strength and ladies like yourself, so thankyou x

Hi LouEbelle

You are most welcome. It’s gratifying to know you found my input helpful. 

I tend to agree with you on depression and chemo. The docs will never confirm it because (quite rightly) they’d need reams of scientific papers to confirm it. But I think there is a quite specific chemo related depression. I know I had something very similar to what you describe and I’ve had it with other types of chemo too. Chemo brings me down. I think one of the strengths of this community is we can share our experiences like this and find we are not alone. 

All the best 

Hello again Daloni,

Thank you for your response. That is so helpful to know its not just me. l'll be ready and waiting for the chemo blues, l'll have to make a plan. lt will help me and the other half to know its not me being irrational. The physical side effects lessened with the second round, hopefully with this knowledge l will cope better with the emotional rollercoaster as well. All the best x

Hi Loubelle I am on chemo treatment since August 2019 its a weekly one.Although I have good results I hate the chemo because it triggered anxiety and depression.Now I am on antidepressants but now also having panic attacks when I am having the treatment.I had one few weeks ago and had to stop the infusion.One day I am ok another day I am thinking to stop treatment,also getting more angry with my onco team and frustrated with my husband who keeps asking me why I am crying.When I am at work I am fine soon I am at home my mind starts working and you should see me the chemo day.I start to have IBS,and shaking before I leave home.I am sure the chemo does this.

Janet

Hi, I had 5 sessions of chemo from December last year till March this Yr. Should have been 6 cycles but oncologist decided to  stop at 5 as the risk of the side effects becoming irreversible became too great. The dose of one drug was reduced slightly after cycle 3 as my mood had dropped very dramatically.

Please make sure your oncologist is aware of the mood swings. My husband learnt to stay clear of me around day 4 to 10 of each cycle. He would make tea and snacks and just put them next to me and leave. 

I also had a couple of friends I could just rant and moan at as much as I wamted/needed. I had already been seeing a therapist for other reasons. She isn't a cancer therapist but she has been such a help. 

You can do this. X

Hi Nina thank you for your post.My oncologist dont care too much about me so its pointless to tell them anything.First I was told in to my face last year I am going to die.Well I am still here and doing ok except the depression and anxiety.Second when I had skin rash on my face and arms i was told I have to put up with it!!!!!I had to go to GP to prescribe me a cream.Third time when I complained about my swollen arm they didnt care.Now because I have complain against all the team I got referred finally to another hospital.

Not only I have to live with the toughts of life time limit I dont even get a proper care.

Yesterday I had a panic attack in the chemo chair I think I had enough of the chemo.I dont know how others cope with non stop treatment I cant do it anymore.

Janet