I Feel at the End of my Tether

Hi Ms Muggle,

So sorry you are feeling like this. I personally think funerals are very depressing, and the older I get the more I can attend!! I have decided I'm going to be selective and only attend family ones or very dear friends. I do not want to spend my days attending such events!!!

I also think a diagnosis of cancer changes everyone. No longer can you be sure of your body. You no longer feel invincible. I think you just have to make the most of what you have, and who you have become. You may have to change your dreams, but is that necessarily bad?

Love and hugs xxxxxx  

Hello Mrs Muggle,

You have had a rough time, no wonder you are feeling low. It might help to contact your consultant  or his secretary to explain how worried you are and ask them to talk you through their current plan for you and why they feel it's the best . It might reassure you that you can leave it with them.

I have been having a couple of days fretting about a symptom I haven't had before ( and Googling it- never the way to cheer yourself up), so I know what you mean about the worry you have after a cancer diagnosis. 

 I do think we go through these patches, and it's a self defence survival mechanism to try to roll with them, make a cocoon around the feeling and then push it behind us and go about getting the best from each day. Like Scarlett O'Hara said ' I'll think about that tomorrow ' and keep putting it off. Trying to do that myself currently.

Sending hugs x

Hi Jan, ( @Ms Muggle)

It sounds like you re going through an incredibly hard time just now and I really feel for you. I'm so sorry to read about your aunt. . Losing someone we are close to is exceptionally hard. Dealing with this on top of everything else that's going on healthwise must be very disheartening for you. I attended 5 funerals in the space of 10 days last year, two off which were for people  who'd had cancer - it was a grim time and I can understand something of the despair that you feel. Gentle hugs are winging their way through the ether to you - words are inadequate at times like this. Please know that you are loved and cared for here. Remembering you in my prayers x

Hello Mrs. Woodentop,

If I could just leave it with someone else, I would be much better. The way my consultant works is through a general line whereby you speak with a nurse. It's fine to refill a script, however, for anything else, it's rather useless. Their treatment plan is to wait and watch carefully. I'm told it's too small to even biopsy or pick up on a PET scan. Of course, because I believe nothing is impossible, that just isn't satisfactory. I really wonder if they understand the torture of simply waiting.

Aaah, Dr. Google and I are quite close and it's a huge, horrible habit. I've had pretty much every disease and disorder known to man and a few more.

I agree. We do go through these patches. My manner of dealing with them is to attempt to put them in a little box, make certain the lid is on tightly, and file it away in my mind. Unfortunately, this technique isn't as effective as usual. It's likely that human nature is to fear the unknown. I feel so weary of living this life in a state of perpetual terror.

Good luck to you in your efforts to keep your thoughts at bay.

Thank you so much.

Jan xx

Hi Fairycake,

I admit, few times have I felt quite this despondent. Thank you. My aunt was a wonderful woman and I just found the funeral horrific. It is hard losing someone we love and fighting our own battles at the same time feels almost impossible. You know, Fairycake, I simply can't imagine you having to attend 5 funerals in 10 days for people who'd had cancer. I so admire your strength. I honestly don't think many of us could manage it and bravo that you did.

Thank you for the hugs and telling me that I am loved and cared for right here. It honestly dispels the isolation I feel.

God bless.

Jan xx

Hey Ms Muggle, you know we all have bad days, and its OK not to be OK. I am sorry to hear about the funerals all summer sounds horrendous indeed. The unknown is scary and frustrating too especially when you are waiting on answers. Not sure about the drug but really honestly everything you have been though is so bound to make you feel down and upset and I want to send some gentle hugs to you. Plus I kinda understand the frustration and waiting on results from tests I am waiting on some results and today been reffered back to the bowel speacialist under the two week rule after a significant bleed from my back passage, its probably hermeroids future up that have been irritated but they said its better to rule out possible reaccurrance in my bowel or something of that nature. The know the most annoying thing is when people say oh you look so well, I think if they understood the trauma that cancer patients go though maybe they would be more careful. But resilience is such an important thing thing which many in brace but even with that we can have a bad day.

Sending you some gentle hugs