What comes next?

Hello a very warm welcome to you and your Mum though I am very sorry for the reasons you find yourselves here. 

Min terms of procedure, the biopsy, ct and mri scans will give the doctors a clearer picture of what they’re dealing with. The combined results will help them to come to a preliminary staging but generally grade and stage aren’t finalised until all the histology is done afterthe hysterectomy. The results of these procedures will be discussed at a multi disciplinary team meeting (MDT) of oncologists, gynaecologists, radiotherapists, clinical nurse specialists etc and an initial treatment plan will be drawn up. Your Mum will then be invited in to discuss the results of the tests and to sign consent forms for the operation. The doctors will say whether the hysterectomy will be laparascopic/keyhole or via abdominal incision )vertical or lateral line a caesarean)  They’ll also day what will be removed - so for me that was womb, Fallopian tubes, ovaries, cervix, omentum (I had an aggressive type of cancer which often recurs in the omentum) and 23 lymphnodes for sampling (not all surgeons do this but it’s routine with my oncologist) She will also have an appointment for a period assessment (blood pressure, heart ecg, blood tests, medical history etc) Your Mum should also be allocated a clinical nurse specialist (CNS) who will act as her point of contact and support throughout. You can ask to speak to the CNS but she will probably need permission from your Mumto tell you anything beyond the basic general info. 

It sounds like your Mum is fiercely independent and that you may have difficulty persuading her to let you help. As a Mum I can see that she might want to protect you all from what may lie ahead. I can also see she’s probably very frightened and worried about what’s going to happen and the effect it will have on the people she loves. You could try gently talking to her and explain why you want to help. Perhaps she’d accept practical steps first eg lifts to the hospital with you waiting in the waiting room. It’s not uncommon for doctors to invite relatives into the consultation and the team may well be able to gently persuade your Mum to allow you in. I remember as a Mum not wanting my girls to see me immediately after the op or to come with me when I had adjuvant treatment but I loved the visits in between, the phone calls, little trips out on the good days. I did tell them what was happening but I wanted to protect them even though they’re adults. I’ll be honest I probably played down the worst of the chemo side effects simply because they live away and I didn’t want them worrying more than they already were. My youngest is a paramedic so she knows how to ask the questions in order to elicit information so I wasn’t always successful! Perhaps you could show your Mum what you’ve written to us - it’s from the heart and as a Mum reading it I could feel your pain and your strong  desire to support your Mum, and it may well speak to her heart too. 

Mum going to stop here. You both have a lot to think about and to take in. Please know that you’re not alone. We are here for you and your Mum. Sending lots of good wishes and a virtual hug to you both x

Hi fairycake 

Thank you so much for your reply I hope you are well. Thanks for all the advice and insight in your post it has helped alot. I will show it to my mum when shes upto it. At the moment she is either sleeping or quite out of it from the painkillers for her leg. I think once she is feeling a bit better I will suggest to her to join up to this site it might give her some encouragement and advice. I know when I wrote that post in the early hours of this morning I was pretty down and feeling very negative about the situation but having the messages that I have received has helped me focus on what my mum might need from me. Instead of thinking the worst I should be there for her in any way she needs right now. Even if that means waiting for her to open up when she is ready and just being patient. It's the little things that count. As long as knows we are here for whatever she may need that's main thing at the moment. We will have to take each day as it comes. 

Hi Harley,

Fairycake has given you some great advice already, there is usually someone around if you need to chat or want to share experiences, there's also a friends and family group where you can talk to other people in your situation, I think it's just as hard trying to support someone with cancer. If you or your mum need any practical support or someone to talk to the Macmillan helpline can give finalcial advice, employment advice, and lots of other support. Maggies centres are also great, I think there is one at the beatson, you can just drop in as far as I'm aware. 

For pain management before my op I got most benefit from a pair of hot water bottles. For constipation I found prune juice worked a treat, I'd take a glass at night and it would work in the morning.  

Hopefully your mum will come around and accept some support in time, it took me a little while to come to terms with my diagnosis and be able to talk about it, or read about it, but I got there in the end and it was better when I actually knew what I was dealing with and had a treatment plan. 

The group usually have lots of tips for treatment so keep in touch and let us know how you and your mum get on.

lots of love

xxx