I feel lost

Hi Bumblebeegirl,Its still early days for you,there is always one of the lovely ladies on here who will give advice and a listening ear to any concerns you have.

I think rollercoaster is an apt description of any cancer.You will start to feel better given time.I had my diagnosis in Dec.2017 U.S.P.C unfortunately .However after two serious scares this year all appears well.So there is a bright side.

One of the others will I am sure ,reply to you shortly.Wishing you all the very best for a speedy recovery

Stargazyx

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Hi

thank you so much it’s nice to know that I’m not going crazy

X

HI

I'm sorry you feel lost. It's a really hard thing to face and stage 2 is scary. You're not going crazy and you're entitled to feel fragile. I was really surprised by a few friends too - one in particular just couldn't cope and kept saying the most outrageous things - I don't think she had any idea that what she was saying was hurtful, but it was. We're still friendly but I now know who I can reply on for various things. Please don't feel like you're burdening true friends either, I'm sure they would want to support you. They may feel lost as to how though. I now pick and choose who I share what with - keeps me safe but it did take a while to learn. Some people just don't get it - avoid them. Someone once asked a fellow cancer patient I know if her life had changed at all since being diagnosed - how we laughed at the idiocy of that question!  

The treatment is hard but it is manageable - please be kind to yourself. 

Lots of lovely support on here too so you've come to the right place for that. 

Wishing you lots of good days as you get through this. 

x

Thank you so much it means a lot to know I’m not going nuts

Hi , what a lovely name! You know its very easy at this stage of being post op that you can often feel lost and the feeling too that others think that's it its done. I am not sure if you are pre or post menopause but this too can add to the many emotions that's run your mind. I didn't have chemo or radiotherapy but had a hysterectomy with ovaries and tubes removed as my only treatment and it seemed a bit of anti climatic reaction to treatment for me and many thought well that's it your cured why don't you feel happier? Its not that simple is it? Its OK to say its not OK and I agree so much with the other ladies advice here, we all understand the different thoughts we have some experience with so many of them. One of the best advice I got was don't compere yourself to others, we can have the same or different treatment but the way we feel is individual to ourselves, rant and rave its OK remember we all know the feeling of frustration too, we want to be back to normal now not tomorrow, but gentle on yourself you have gone though a lot already and have radiotherapy to come. 

Sending you a big hug

I so much agree with Gbear. I had a total hysterectomy after my kidney cancer spread to my right ovary and was suddenly plunged into the menopause. Wow, was that fun - notL I didn't have chemo to face, as kidney cancer doesn't really respond to it.. 

Be kind to yourself n take each day one a day at atime x

I have been plunged into the joy of surgical menopause and while I don’t have hot flushes - the joys of being over weight I’ve stop killing piled my hormones I still feel weepy 

i just need to remember as you say to be kind to my self and I totally get what you mean about anti climatic

thanks ladies for the support it feels so good to talk to others where I don’t have to explain or feel,alien 

Hi bumblebee girl,

ill be two years post op at the start of August, as the others have said, how you are feeling is totally normal. I'm 38 and was lucky to be treated with a hysterectomy only. I've got surgical menopause. For me everything got much better with time but there were ups and downs along the way. I find I get weepy / emotional in a cycle, kind of like pmt. now I know what it is, it makes it easier to deal with. The fallout from a cancer diagnosis is a big emotion toll too and it's difficult to know what's down to hormones and what's down to the stress of what you have just been through. 

My CNS arranged some counselling for me which was really helpful, I think I started it about six weeks after my op as I'd been struggling a bit, I know counselling isn't for everyone, before my diagnosis I'd have said I'd never go, but I've adopted a 'try anything if it helps' approach now. I also had a referral to a menopause clinic where they can give you advice about any symptoms, I think I first went there a few months after my op. I found it difficult to turn off my internal chatter for a while and meditation/ relaxation/ mindfulness videos from you tube helped me with that and turn off the chatter to let me sleep. 

I had a post op wound infection too, it cleared up eventually at about six weeks, at one point I thought it would never heal, the nurse kept saying 'I think your next appointment will be your last' and four weeks later I was still there lol. 

Do you have work to go back to? I went back at 12 weeks but I'd definitely say don't rush back, I was all over the place for a while. I got a phased return which was a big help, I'd definitely say only go back when you feel up to it if you can afford to stay off for a while. 

I think the friends who say they are there for you but don't actually visit just don't know what to do or say, I was a bit like that myself before my diagnosis. I took the lead and if they didn't offer I just asked people if they wanted to come visit me for lunch or go out for something to eat, it was nice to have a visitor every other day. I've also discovered that my friends have went through things that they didn't tell me about before but when I've told them things about my op and diagnosis, etc, they were able to share similar experiences. 

Lots of love 

xxx

Thank you

i do have work to go back to and they are very supportive and I’m lucky that I have some financial support so I don’t have to h back 

I’m thinking about counselling myself and I completely get what you mean about internal chatter not shutting up.

xxxxx

Hello  A very belated welcome from me too. The lovely ladies have given you some great advice, as always! 

Its very early days after your surgery so it’s no wonder your emotions are all over the place, plus you are coping with the surgical menopause and the prospect of further treatment in the form of radiotherapy.  We often say here that the emotional recovery can take longer than the physical side of things, indeed that it can be harder in some ways. It’s the time when we need our friends but often we find that our friends seem to desert us. I do think that in many cases they just don’t know what to say or do but rather than be honest and tell us that they stay away. Some just can’t cope and again choose to stay away and that’s hard but I try to think that maybe they have reasons such as fear, or maybe some bad experience which makes it hard for them. Others are just plain insensitive and make promises they have no intention of keeping  -or they think they’re the answer to all your problems  - a colleague who I got on quite well with kept promising to come and see me. She eventually turned up part way through my chemo treatment. She didn’t really want to know how I felt. As she left she said, “I know I haven’t been before but never mind, I’m here now” Her parting words? “I’ll see you again soon” - I’ve never seen her since and that was 2 yrs ago!  Some of the people I classed as good friends remain so and some people who I didn’t know well offered me so much love and support they are now amongst my closest friends. I remember telling someone I trusted how I felt about friends seemingly disappearing and she gently told me I should consider it their loss not mine. That’s now the way I try to see it, not in any big headed way but just trying to accept that whilst they didn’t feel our friendship worth investing in, others did and new ones do. 

You ask if if you’ll ever feel better if you will ever feel in control again? My own experience is yes, things do get better with time. I’m 3 yrs on from diagnosis and 2 yrs on from the end of treatment (surgery, chemo and radiotherapy) and I can truly say the good days outnumber the bad ones. I’ve made new friends (including some virtual friends here) I’m doing new things (I was post menopause and took early retirement after my treatment finished) I had some informal counselling and prayer ministry from my vicar and his wife which helped me feel better about myself (the whole thing had taken a massive toll on my confidence) I see life differently now and my priorities have changed. The lovely  talks about initiating “Project Me” - taking control back gradually, being proactive in our recovery, learning coping strategies and techniques, learning to embrace life again. It’s hard work at times but definitely worth it. 

Be kind to yourself, Bumblebeegirl, just as you’d be kind to your best friend if she were in your place. I hope you’ll find you have lots of good people and good things happening in the future which will compensate for the losses you feel now.  Sending you some gentle hugs and lots of good wishes x