telling the children

Heya,

From your comment on not being able to go to Dubai or Slovakia, I'm guessing your gut instinct is to tell them face to face? In which case I'd suggest Skype or WhatsApp, so you can video call them and chat. You can see their faces and reactions, just as they can see yours. Makes it easier to really understand how each other feels and is taking the news.

However also, if travel insurance is the only thing standing in your way from going to see them, don't let it. There are companies that will exclude your cancer, or companies that will cover for more reasonable prices than others. There's loads of info in the travel insurance forum to look at if that's your favoured option. Though it will take time to recover from the op, and so travel would be delayed by a few months. Just depends on how quickly you want to tell them what's going on.

But personally, I'd want my Mum to tell me now what's going on - I'm 37. A phonecall would do me to tell me what was going on, when appointments were, etc etc. But def sooner rather than later. But that might just be me. You know your kids and what they'd want to know when.

Lass

Xx

thank you for your reply- its good to get the perspective of someone my children's age. Yea you're right they would want to know. Its so hard as a mum you just want to protect your children from nasty things whatever their age.xx

Hi

While I was in the diagnosis phase I found all sorts of reasons why I didn't say anything to my adult sons -  Including "don't want to spoil their Christmas/Birthday etc and sheer cowardice!   When I finally managed to tell them their response was "why on earth didn't you tell me before?"  It then took a while before they trusted me not to be hiding things from them.  So definitely I would agree - sooner rather than later .

Hi mum999,

When I was diagnosed I told my 2 grown up girls straight away.(41 and 43) One of them actually helped by telling me about Movical, for bowels,.which she took after her Caesarean. Although I have a husband I found it comforting to be able to have 'girlie chats with them'. I'm pretty sure I told the younger one over the phone as she lives quite a distance from us. They were very supportive and only too willing to help.

They came over not long after I was out of hospital, and brought all the ingredients for tea. I just let them get on with it all. It was lovely to see them, and I think they were happy to find me not too bad!! My biggest concern was whether to tell the 3 year old grand daughter, but in the end  she asked to see my tummy, didn't turn a hair at the iodine sprinkled around on it, and kept an eye on it for weeks afterwards!!!

I'm sure your children would want to know and help!!   xxxxx

I think they need to know as soon as possible, my mum didn't tell me about her cancer immediately and I was so upset especially when I found out she had already had scans and a number of appointments.

When I got my diagnosis and the fact that I was being referred to the Christie hospital where she had her treatment I told her straightaway. I was worried how she would feel but she immediately said they were wonderful to me and they will be to you too.

Good luck xxxx

Hello mum999

What an awful shock to have to go through all this for a second time. I agree with the ladies, please tell your children sooner rather than later. Things often get harder to do if they're left. There will never be a "right" time. I'd just say try to make sure they all learn the news together it within a reasonatime frame of one another so that no one feels left out of the loop. I didn't tell my adult daughters in their 20s about my hysteroscopy because no one had mentioned cancer. I expected to be in and out that same morning. Unfortunately I suffered a tear and excessive bleeding and had to be transferred from the local unit to the main hospital in the city fir observation. My poor husband then had the difficult job of telling the girls who had rung for a chat! Needless to say they were upset and from that point I told them about every appointment. They live away so we told them my diagnosis over the phone, having made sure their partners were with them to support them. They dealt with it incredibly well. We kept it as factual as we could and put as positive a spin on it as we could given that I'd been told I had an aggressive type of cancer. After that they knew about every appointment  and every bit of treatment.. They have always said they'd rather know and so they know when my check ups are and I tell them each outcome. They've sometimes thought of questions to ask that I haven't, which has been useful. My girls immediately adopted a mantra -"together we are stronger"- and I could not have got through it without them. Just over 2yrs on from treatment ending (surgery, chemo and radiotherapy) now. So far so good and I'm so proud of my girls and their partners - I just wanted to protect them but they also wanted to protect me. 

I hope you find the right words to tell them and that they will be unstinting in their support x

Thank you for your supportive words .I will tell them as soon as I get my plan on Thursday .they are strong independent adults and I know they'll be fine .It's just instinct isn't it ti want to shield your children. Xxx