Increasingly depressed, seeking help but none seems available

Hi Lizbot, I am really sorry to hear how difficult things are for you just now. I have had similar feelings about not wanting to be here this week, and I have been contacted by one of the Online Community Officers - to check in with me and to ensure that I know of all the services and support that are around.

The time of year does not help, if the weather was better we would feel more like getting out. The only way I can get through this currently is to literally break down the days into chunks, and try to get through each part of the day. Sitting in the house is not helping, I need to make myself get out and do something, anything that distracts me. it seems from what everyone else is saying on this forum that feeling so desperate and anxious is a completely normal reaction to a cancer diagnosis but it is really important to keep talking. Even though I kept on saying the same things to the Mcmillans helpline nurses and was just as upset each time, they did not mind. 

Please take care of your self and if you feel really desperate please contact the NHS mental health crisis line - sending much love and best wishes xx

Hi Lizbot

I am sorry to hear that today is seeming a particularly bad day. 

Well done for reaching out to all the helplines. I know it is difficult and understand that you feel you are not getting the support needed. 

If you feel that you are in crisis then I would advise to contact someone now. Even if they were unable to help before, maybe it would be worth asking for an urgent assessment on how you are actually feeling today.

Urgent support - Every Mind Matters - NHS

You are also welcome to give the Support Line a call- even if you feel that it feels hopeless, maybe it would help to talk about how you are feeling today. 

Jane

Hi Lizbot, have you now managed to secure support from an OCD charity? Specific help for your OCD will help you with the intrusive thoughts and negative spiralling. 

Hi, I’ve called a few times but their turnaround time is 10-14 days so I’ve not heard anything back yet. I’ll call them again in a few days. I’m going through assessments with talking therapies who may be referring me onto an OCD specialist. The difficulty with poor MH is that you need support in the moment but unless you can afford to be private, it’s all waiting lists 

 Have you checked in with your GP re your meds as some anti depressants and anti anxiety meds can for some people have a side effect of increasing anxiety. My daughter (who was diagnosed with OCD 8 years ago) was initially prescribed citalopram and she found that that though it seemed to help her go to sleep, her anxiety increased. For her, she found that herbal meds helped her more and so she dd a tapered withdrawal and after that has only used herbal meds. 

Thank you - how are you feeling now? 

I have OCD which leads to obsessive catastrophic thinking. 

you wouldn’t believe what a confident strong woman I was just a few weeks ago - I have a stressful career that I love, I went travelling in Italy on my own in October, and now I feel like a shell. It doesn’t seem to matter that I’m being told that’s it’s curative, I’m just constantly thinking worst case scenario, in all aspects of my life. 

I’ve a lot of pressure in my life, my mum has dementia and I went through an horrendous divorce not too long ago. Life was just getting really good again, and then this has happened and I don’t know how to get through it x

Im on citalopram, I’ve been on it before during my divorce and it was the only one that sat right with me. I’m wondering whether it’s the lorazepam and the come down from it - it’s amazing when it kicks in but I’m not sure whether it’s not helping with the anxiety 

Thank you Jane. I’ve spoken with both today - the crisis line won’t help as I’m not actively wanting to harm myself. MacMillan were supportive but they’re not mental health professionals and the lady I spoke with made that clear.

I’m already dreading tomorrow morning, I’m going to journal before bed tonight to see if that helps. Thanks again 

Journaling sounds a good plan. I hope that you have an easier night and a better day tomorrow. Not long now until your surgery- hang in there.

You are right about the time of year

 The shorter daylight hours make things more difficult and going out requires a lot more effort. Breaking things into chunks is a really good strategy, I'll try and remember that. I think distraction is one thing that can make a big difference. Anything that requires some concentration. I've used some of the free Headspace YouTube videos. Wouldn't be my thing usually but just the novelty of it was a diversion. I didn't imagine I'd ever be doing a colouring book either but I have! 

Thinking of you at this difficult time.