Friends questions!

I feel for you. I might not be able to be much help as I made the decision early to tell very few people as I didn’t want fuss, drama, scrutiny or questions. In my opinion most people who haven’t had cancer don’t know how to talk to someone with cancer. I’d say to tell this friend what you’ve told us, perhaps with a placatory “I appreciate that you’re asking because you’re trying to show you care” and then “but it will be better for me if I’m not asked questions as I don’t want to be thinking about it all the time” and  "if I want to talk about it, I’ll initiate the conversation, otherwise please just be normal with me”.

Thank you so much for replying - you've been very helpful as fuss, drama, scrutiny and questions are not my style either. I've limited who I've told what but this person found out in a roundabout way. I have been feeling rattled about all the questions but now you've given me some ideas of how to respond I'm feeling better. The couple of people I have told have responded really well when I've said "just message me trivia and photos". Thanks again. 

Hi Clem

I found the same and had lots of different reactions from different people. 

Most were very good and led by me. 

I too could find the many messages- mostly well intentioned- hard to cope with. 

I would leave the messages and not reply for a few hours and then respond with something along the lines of I was resting or doing something (watching something perhaps on Netflix) to try to take my mind off things. Then would say I found it good not to be talking about the cancer and was there anything non medical I could watch to pass the time. I also would stress something light hearted. 

Sometimes I would update people as a group- family, friends, work colleagues and say something simple like- chemo went well, recovering at home. Then if they came back with questions- I just repeated same message and asked about them. Sometimes I just had to say whilst I appreciated being asked about that it would make me dwell on the bad things and what I needed was to completely take my mind of it all. 

Jane

I've told everyone who wanted to know, and I give them all the graphic details too.

That seems to stop it.