Mums in denial and we feel lost

Hi my mum was diagnosed with vulval cancer august 2021 for the 3rd time. The consultant advised that due to the size of the tumor and how aggressive it was that surgery was not an option this time. My mum was given 7 weeks of radiotherapy and chemotherapy which finished in November. In march of this year we were given the devastating news that although the treatment had shrunk the tumor unfortunately it jd not worked well enough and was still inoperable and no further treatment can be given. 

Since then we have pretty much been left in the dark, no prognosis, no assistance apart from district nurses. Mum seems to be in denial, telling the nurses that her consultant is positive that the surgeons can remove the remove the tumor. Refusing help from hospice nurses. She struggles to get up, cannot sleep in her own bed, she cannot cook for herself as she cannot get around, she won’t apply for any financial help as she says she doesn’t need it, me and my sisters are having to care for her around the clock whilst looking after our own children.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. We don’t have any idea how this is going to progress or what to expect. How long does she have left? Will she get progressively worse or will it just happen. Good grief we don’t even know if this cancer will kill her or does it need to spread first. Nothing much online to help we don’t want to go behind mums back for answers. It’s a nightmare 

im hoping that someone on here can help

  • Hi ,

    I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. 

    Hopefully with time your mum will come to terms with the news soon. 

    I would imagine your mum's medical team would be the best people to give you the answers to your questions, but as you say you don’t want to go behind her back and I totally get that. 

    There is the option to ask a nurse on here, they may be able to answer some general questions. If you would like to give them a try, then clicking here will take you to the ask a nurse section. 

    You can also call the Macmillan helpline on the number below. They will be able to offer emotional support as well as practical advise at this difficult time. 

    Take care,

    Vulval cancer warrior xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm