Hi all
I have only been referred under the 2 week rule yesterday. Went to the GP as I thought my prolapsed bladder was worsening and she examined me and said she can feel a ‘firm mass on the anterior wall of my vagina and it feels fixed’. On reading on the internet, it’s sounds pretty damning, so I am sick to the stomach.
Ive just turned 50, lost my dad to stage4 bowel cancer last dec, have 2 kids (16&20)and I’m just not sure how I’m going to get through the next few weeks. This last day has felt like a week.
I'm worried sick, can’t eat or sleep, anxiety through the roof.
if anyone has any advice on how to cope, I’d really appreciate it. My husband thinks I’m doing well but he doesn’t see what’s going on inside, thankfully. He is doing great supporting me tho X
Hi Gillian50 and welcome to our group.
It’s very difficult to be told there is something concerning when you don’t know what it is, but please-if I can give you one piece of advice it would be to stay off the internet! You cannot diagnose yourself on Google, and it only ramps up anxiety.
All you know at the moment is that there is something which needs investigated, and being on an urgent referral, suspected cancer pathway or any other name this is given, it’s simply a way of being seen much sooner than a normal referral would take. Believe me, that is a good thing for many reasons-mainly that you will see a specialist, and get answers sooner.
Working towards any diagnosis is a very difficult time mentally as I think many of us would agree. However, for me personally I’d resist any temptation to tell your children at this point when you don’t have any information yet. It will worry them when you can’t give them any answers.
You ask for advice on how to cope, and mine would be to take one day at a time, don’t let your mind go to worst case scenarios and try to keep yourself busy and distracted. You’ve mentioned you are not sleeping or eating but that will not help you in the long run. You are worrying now, before there is anything to worry about:if this is something easily resolved, you will have worried for nothing, and if you get a cancer diagnosis you will be straight into worrying again so you’ll have done it twice.
I’ve done lots of things over the years to reduce my anxiety levels-using the usual simple distractions of binging on rubbish tv, but also using apps on my phone, like Mindfulness, where you are staying in the moment, and deep breathing. These things make you concentrate on the now. Calming sounds apps can help you to sleep, and I sometimes use a simple lavender pillow spray to help with sleeping, and an eye mask. Little things, but very useful in times of stress.
This is by no means an easy time for you, believe me I do understand that, but if you can use some self help techniques to manage your anxiety it should definitely help you cope. Inside our heads, thoughts go swirling round and dark thoughts can creep in, but philosophy from the start was “it’s not cancer till they tell me it is.”
If you’d like some extra support, there is the MacMillan helpline and the number is in my signature. They can give emotional and practical support and you can also speak to one of the nurses for reassurance if you’d like. You can also use web chat and email if you’re not comfortable phoning, but I can tell you from my own experience of calling, that they are friendly, calm and very helpful.
Please keep in touch and post as much or as often as you’d like. And let us know what happens for you-unfortunately there can be long periods of waiting during this process, so I’d encourage you to try not to let it dominate all of your thoughts, difficult though that can be.
Sarah xx
Thank you so much Sarah, I agree with everything you have said and I will do my best 
️ I’m managing to act in front of the kids. I’ve just eaten 2 slices of toast and tea :) I really appreciate the time you have taken and all of your kind words and advice xx
Even tea and toast is a good thing! Anything you can manage to get some “fuel” inside you. This is not the time to be thinking of new year resolutions to lose weight or anything like that!
My friend Mike Thehighlander who answered your initial post often talks about the “battle between the ears” and he is so right. Our mind is very powerful, but we can develop tools to deal with it which can really work with practice.
Your worry will not go away, I get that, but you have an element of control yourself in managing how you deal with it.
I hope you don’t have too long to wait for your first appointment-I waited 3 weeks for mine, but I actually didn’t spend the time worrying because I just accepted I had an issue that was going to be investigated and no matter what the outcome was, all the worry in the world wasn’t going to change it.
Happy to chat any time.
Sarah xx
I have done the day at a time thing, and on many occasions in the past six years less than that-even an hour at a time, just getting through when times were hardest.
Sarah xx
