My daughter newly diagnosed

My 34 year old daughter ( mum of 2 little girls 5 and 3) has just been diagnosed with Triple negative cancer grade 3. 
We’re still coming to terms with it all and I’d like to know the best ways to support my beautiful girl. Any positive outcomes and similar diagnoses with advice on how I can help her would be so appreciated. 

  • Hi Katec

    I'm so sorry to read this you must all be so devastated and so young.

    I had exactly the same diagnosis last year at 66 and I’m now cured. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not a pleasant journey for any of you. Be brave and positive and don’t dwell on the negatives and don’t go doing a lot of internet searching.

    Im sure you will be there for your daughter and her family and support them where you can especially during chemo which will be the hardest. She needs something to aim for mine was a visit to see my daughter in Florida and I’m off in September. 

    Very best wishes to all of you, stay strong and positive. 

  • Thank you Lens that’s so kind of you and I’m delighted you’re cured! That  is so encouraging to read! 

    Our son and his wife is coming over from Adelaide at the end of September our first wee grandson to celebrate his 1st birthday ( first time to meet him!) and it will be our son’s 40th too! Lara is SO excited about this and we’re keeping our eye on the prize! 
    Have a wonderful time in Florida with your daughter in September too Lens! 

    Kate x

  • I was diagnosed 1 year ago with grade 3, stage 2a (small lump but 2 nodes positive), triple negative bc at the age of 35. It's one hell of a shock and I remember at the time of diagnosis my whole life was turned upside down and feeling so let down by my body. I had genetic testing done that revealed I have the brca1 gene mutation too. I had 5 months of chemo and 27 sessions of radiotherapy and luckily for me I felt reasonably fine throughout it all with just a few small side effects. I'm still in the early days of remission, but I feel great and have a  surprisingly positive outlook (which a year ago I never thought was possible).

    I know for my parents it was also a huge shock and my mum wished more than anything that she could trade places with me as it was tremendously hard to see her 'little girl' go through such a thing and she felt helpless. It's a truly scary time for all of you, but I would say, for me, the best way that people helped was by truly listening and not just saying 'it will be ok'. I'm a very positive person, but in the beginning it would really annoy me to hear it will be ok because no one really knows! I don't have any children, but I imagine for your daughter it will be a bit more demanding managing things with her 2 girls, so she may need more support. It was good for me to know that someone was always there to help if needed but not to have that help imposed on me.

    The beginning is the most crazy part with all the tests, scans and appointments, but it gets a lot easier when treatment starts and you have a plan on how to go forward. 

    If I can be of any help/support to you or your daughter, don't hesitate to reach out! 

    Best of luck with everything x

  • Thank you so much for your response Rose22 I really appreciate you sharing your story so positively. 
    i can completely empathise with your mum’s thoughts and feelings as that is also how I’ve felt too. I’m trying to listen to my daughter and give her the room  to make her own choices and to respect her space and decisions as I understand it can be so disempowering to feel things are out of your control. She’s a wonderful mum and the day to day with her 2 wee girls will be hard but we are all there to support her and her husband as we all nnegociate this very tricky phase

    pIm so glad you didn’t experience too many awful symptoms of the chemo and I’m keeping my fingers crossed my girl will be the same. 
    thank you so much for your message. X

  • So sorry to hear your daughters news, she is so young. 
    I had a similar diagnosis a year ago next week & have undergone 20 weeks of chemo then a  mastectomy then a further 18 weeks of preventative chemo tablets.  I start radiotherapy next week. 
    I was quite well through IV chemo, tired but not sick. Second set of chemo was tablets and I was fine. 
    I handed myself over to the medical professionals, did what they told me, had the scans, bloods, all the tests & treatment and at the end I no longer have cancer. 
    I am a positive person and that definitely helped. Good luck to you all. I hope her treatment is kind to her x 

  • Thank you so much Dondybabe, that is so encouraging to hear. Blush  I’m so glad you’re cancer free! Amazing… my daughter and I are both upbeat and positive people and we too are sure this attitude will help with her healing. Thank you so much for your lovely words x

  • So sorry to hear of your daughter’s diagnosis. Ultimately the best way to support her is to provide practical support and also let her make her own choices. Like Rose, I didn’t want people telling me it will all be ok, because I didn’t, and still don’t know whether it will be. I also particularly hate the “fighting cancer” language that’s often used - how hard or otherwise I “fight” isn’t going to influence the outcome. 

    I am on my 3rd round of chemo for grade 3 TNBC. I think TNBC tends to be grade 3. 

  • Thank you very much for responding Coddfish. I appreciate your point of view and being practical is a good option for me as I’m a ‘doer’ 

    Wishing you all the very best with your treatment too and keep me posted. 
    Katec x