Triple negative breast cancer recurrence and metastatic

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Hello all,

I have been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer which is a recurrence of ER+ breast cancer which i had 13 years ago. I am due to start weekly chemo next week and they are still waiting for the PDL-1 marker to determine whether immunotherapy is an option in conjunction with the chemo. The cancer is in my lymph nodes - in the last 6 weeks my neck has swollen so much and i can feel the swelling is starting to move northwards into the jaw area.

13 years ago i had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy and until one month ago - the breast cancer was a distant memory - i used to forget i had had it previously. Now everytime I see the doctor, I fell like I am being hit with bad news. Before the TN diagnosis came back, the oncologist said she would put her hat on it being hormone sensitive! So much for that.

i find myself in a really dark place I have a 10 year old son who I fear i wont see finish school and it is tearing me apart. She is referring me to Pilgrims Hospice not becuase i am at that stage yet because we dont live near a Maggies Centre and she said Pilgrims also offer holistic care and therapy for people with cancer.

I just wanted to introduce myself. i feel very raw and fragile and so sad for the future. i know i need to find strength to start this treatment and a posiitve attitude but I'm struggling.

Any words of comfort and wisdom will be very greatly received!

Himalaya over 3 years ago

Hi fhgirl,

I'm very sorry to read your post. I can only imagine what it must be like after 13 years to go through all this again. I can empathise exactly what you mean about being hit with bad news every time you see the doctor….. you think you can’t take any more but somehow, you do, and continue to put one foot in front of the other and go to all those tests, scans, appointments etc. It’s exhausting on so many levels.

People telling you to be positive doesn’t actually help because when you’re not in a good place, it’s the last thing you feel. The only vaguely positive thing regarding chemo is that it’s going to be your (unwanted) friend and will get to work straight away and make it more comfortable for you.

The holistic care and therapy sounds a good referral and hopefully there will be something that helps and people to talk to. It’s not always easy to speak openly with your family but there maybe someone there to discuss and offload some of your worries…or someone just to have a cry with.

You will dig deep. You will find the strength from somewhere to start treatment and don’t forget you always have people here to turn to when you need to write things down.

I hope you are managing to get some sleep because I find this makes a huge difference to how I cope with things….even if it means something from the GP. I used to hate taking tablets but I’m like a human maraca these days.

Keep in touch with us if we can help,

Himalaya

fhgirl over 3 years ago in reply to Himalaya

Hello Himalaya

Thank you so much for 'getting' it. I think a lot of my fear is what if it doesn't start working straightaway. Having not had chemo before, if the drugs are working, will the tumours start to shrink immediately?

You're right. I will find the strength to start treatment. I hope that I also find some kickass positive mental attitude. The way forward is unfortunately living with cancer. Now I need to find the strength to do the living bit.

Have a good weekend xx

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