Newbie Joining

Hi P

Firstly, sending a big virtual hug xx

I hope I can be helpful, to reassure you that whatever decision you make will be the right one.

I too was given a TNBC diagnosis in February last year, and at the time the breast care nurse advised me it was the time to be selfish, and worry less about others. It reminded me about some advice from a friend that your own health, then marriage, then children is the right way to prioritise your life. Before Cancer this always seemed quite selfish to me! After all, we naturally put others before us, but then Cancer means we have to stop and rethink that a bit.

When I thought about it, it made sense to me...Being well in yourself, so that you can be well enough to care for others is what it all means. And it continues to be my mantra, and honestly you wouldn't believe how much of a mum I was to everyone before this!! I've had to learn to take care of myself first, and others second. That is so hard. We have two adopted daughters, (11 and 13) and my need to nurture, was the driving force behind our decision to adopt. But they have also learned through this that caring for others is an important part of life too.

In my case I was incredibly lucky that the cancer had remained local to my breast. But, I can only say that having the chemotherapy first worked really well for me. As a family, we got to see the tumour slowly reducing in size (through scans), so that in itself was such a reassurance that the chemo was doing its job. Then I had my op, followed by the course of radiotherapy. All together the treatment lasted from February to the end of November. Although tiring, the outpouring of love I felt from friends and family got me through. And after chemotherapy the other stuff felt like a doddle. 

We have a saying at work, "put on your positive pants, not your negative knickers!".. which really got me through some tough days. Thinking positively, that it's my life's story, and I write the pages and the chapters, not Cancer!!

I have passed on my positive pants badge to a friend who now needs it more than me... but would like to send you a virtual one :)

Trust in yourself and you'll make the right decision for you xxx

Hi there

i had a lumpectomy three weeks after a routine mammogram showed a ,pea, which turned out to be a triple negative cancer.  I’m now three weeks into chemotherapy and have asked the same question.  IVe been told that the lump was removed, and therefore the cancer, but that the chemo is a mop up.  There’s no way of knowing whether it is doing it’s job, but it is insurance.  I struggled with that concept, but someone gave me an analogy that really helped when I was questioning the treatment.  If you drop a plate on a hard floor it smashes into lots of pieces.  You can sweep up the big bits but there are likely to be minute fragments that get missed, and that is why they give chemo after surgery.  It’s tough, but I think you have to put your faith in the surgeon and oncologist.  Also, don’t read too much because it is mind blowing and confusing! However, there is information out there that seems to say that it doesn’t really make much difference to the outcome, whether you have surgery or chemo first.  I’m actually glad now that I had surgery first because in my mind the cancer was gone.  Be kind to yourself though, as Sueshoe said, you really must prioritise yourself now and do what is right for you.  Positivity goes a long way to helping you on what will be a long journey, and your family need you fit and well.  Good luck, and make the right decision for you.  Sending a multipack of positive pants! X

Hi there. Wow I’m so sorry what a horrid time for you. I’m 2 years out...tnbc spread to 2 nodes. Currently NED. I had surgery first (within 10 days of diagnosis) and started chemo 3 weeks later. I didn’t have time to think about chemo before or after surgery it wasn’t even discussed. I know I’d have struggled psychologically with it still being in my body for 5 months. I don’t think there is a right answer. I’m not sure that statistically it makes much of a difference. 

as for IVF...I’d had two kids so there was no question for me...I didn’t want to save any eggs I just wanted to get going to try and survive for the kids I’ve got. But I don’t know how I’d have felt if I’d only had the one at the time. I think I’d have done the same thing. I wanted that fecking cancer out of my body...those 10 days before surgery were pure torture! 

I hope you find your answers and wish you all the luck in the world xx

Dear Sueshoe,

Thank you so much for the fabulous virtual positive pants + for sharing your story with me :)  It sounds like you chose all the right things for yourself  + are on the road to recovery which is lovely news.

Also, apologies that I am only coming back to you now - I am an emotional wreck at the moment + in a very dark place, one that I just can't seem to pull myself out of + I am so aware that I need to go into this battle with a positive mental attitude.  I found out today that they have found cancer in my lymph nodes but not sure how many.  This has been a crushing blow, to say the least, + I feel that I have no choice other than to have the chemo first + forfeit any future children (although we could + would consider egg donation at a later stage pending all this cancer business). You are right though, I need to be strong + well for my husband + little boy who is only 5 + survive for them.  All I can think at the moment is that I am never going to see him grow up :( 

It's a massive slap in the face this cancer malarkey plus forced menopause at 43 (I am so aware that others have it worse!) but I guess it is just going to take some time to accept. I have to stay strong + not waver on my decision - that's hard.  I only made the decision at 2pm today + have done nothing but question whether I am making the right one in between blubs! My husband has been so supportive but he is naturally devastated about the diagnosis + the broken family dream.

I am getting my long hair cut off tomorrow + I have an appointment with the oncology dept next Tues to prep me for chemo before Christmas so although terrified, there is an element of relief to know that a decision has been made + that treatment is imminent. Maybe this will help me put one foot in front of the other + march on.

Any tips on how to stay positive?  I do daily yoga + run 3 times a week but am aware that I will not be able to do some of this once the chemo hits + I have never been very good at meditation!!

Wishing you a fab weekend + thank you once again for your kind words.

Px

Hi Cloud123,

Thank you so much for replying to me + sharing your story as well :)  Such comfort to know that I am not alone.  I have now swapped recurrent miscarriage online support communities for cancer ones   Thank goodness for these forums!  Thank you for the plate analogy - it's brilliant + really does make total sense!

As I mentioned to Sushoe, apologies that I am only coming back to you now - I found out today that they have found cancer in my lymph nodes but not sure how many or whether this means I will still have a lymph node clearance after chemo? I am an emotional wreck at the moment + in a very dark place...I cannot stop crying + looking at my beautiful 5-year-old boy thinking I am never going to see him grow up + my heart is utterly broken 

I feel that I have no choice other than to have the chemo first + forfeit any future children + accept early menopause! (although we could + would consider egg donation at a later stage pending all this cancer business). 

I have decided to get my long hair cut off tomorrow (something I can control) + have an appointment with the oncology dept next Tues to prep me for chemo before Christmas so, although terrified, there is an element of relief to know that a decision has been made (although I have done nothing but question whether I am making the right decision in between blubs!) + that treatment is imminent  My husband has been so supportive but he is naturally devastated about the diagnosis + the broken family dream.

Any tips/advice on how to stay positive/pull myself together other than making my way through my greatly appreciated multipack of pants?  I do daily yoga + run 3 times a week but am aware that I will not be able to do some of this once the chemo hits + I have never been very good at meditation!!

Wishing you a fab weekend + thank you once again for your kind words.

Px

Hey Jane08,

Thank you so much for coming back to me + congratulations on NED.  Do you mind me asking if they confirmed the spread to 2 nodes via your surgery? Also, how do you get through every year waiting to see if you are NED?

Today, they confirmed my cancer has spread to my lymph nodes but I don't know how many or whether I will still have full node clearance after chemo   In light of this devastating news, I feel I have no choice other than to go with chemo first + surgery later. In the back of my mind, I thought that this would be the road I chose if I found out it had spread.  Just can't wait to harvest eggs knowing that it could be spreading elsewhere in my body if that makes sense? Got to kick this cancers ass + be around for my gorgeous 5-year-old + hubby, right?

We can always look at egg donation at a later date if I survive!  Sorry, finding it very hard to remain positive at the moment + in a very dark place!  Need to get positive + fast so that I can put one foot in front of the other...one day at a time!

Wishing you all best + a lovely weekend!
Px

Oh lovely I remember those days before treatment started very well. So dark and terrifying it was the worst time. I knew I had one node affected as my surgeon felt it when he first examined me and they biopsied it when they biopsied my breast lump. Then when I had surgery they took all my nodes out and two were malignant out of 16.

I was diagnosed 2 years ago tomorrow.the hardest time really was those early days after diagnosis. But you can get through it. You will have dark days but it will get better than it is right now. Just take one day at a time. Don’t look forward or back. Don’t put pressure on yourself and find ways to rest. Is your son at school? 

everybody copes differently with chemo. I avoided some of the worst side effects it seems but it wasn’t easy. But I did it and so will you. The advice I would give you is get out and walk as often as you can. I can’t stress enough how much exercise (even just a little 20 min walk) will help your mind. Also you will have days where you feel so sad/angry etc that it’s hard to see how you’ll keep going. So when that happens give into it for 24 hours. Watch tv in bed snd feel sorry for yourself. Then the next day grit your teeth and get back in the ring. 

lots of love x

Hi P

my turn to apologise for the delay in replying. Sorry to hear your news.. i hope you are doing ok, Hopefully better once treatment was underway?

Chemo is really, really doable,  you just need to listen to your body and plan for the times when you need to rest,  on the days when you feel more with it.

how to stay positive.. well for me that was one day at a time.. and if that feels like too much.. one hour at a time!! 

I found lists very helpful. Small things like showering, moisturising, doing a 15 minute walk, finding a new box set to watch, things I could easily tick off and feel as if I’d achieved something. 

I also bought a bird feeder. I put it right outside my kitchen window. They kept me company when I was in the house alone. Just watching them getting on with life and being busy made me smile. 

And gardening..that was a godsend. Just planting something and watching it flower. Basically I became middle aged over night!! 

Not sure if wigs are for you. I styled out scarves (angel from escape to the chateau style!) as I had lots of them already and it was nice to include things I was used to wearing (and for my family too) to see me in things we recognised. (Any fabrics about 80 x 80cm square is perfect) lots of you tube tutorials on that and I bought a fake fringe to wear underneath. My daughter sewed me a couple of hats with a friend out of long scarves that cut up. My husband shaved my head in the end. Basically anything I could do to give them something to do to help me.

I wrote a blog for myself too, just to write things down really helped. I’m thinking of writing one about the menopause now.. I think us girls need to talk about it more!!

sending you a big virtual hug 

xxxx

Hi

I was diagnosed a couple of days ago. Waiting for scans and an oncologist appointment next week. I’m 35 and so scared at the moment x

Hi JenLou

Im so sorry you are having to go through this.  If it’s any consolation this is the worst time while you are waiting for results and a plan for your treatment.  Try and be kind to yourself - it’s natural to feel scared.  Have you got support at home? Once you know what you are dealing with and you have a treatment plan you will feel much more in control.  Try not to be tempted to trawl The internet as the information out there is often out of date or inaccurate.  There are a lot of us here either starting out or going through treatment so there will always be someone to answer any questions or just to say hello.

please let us know how the scans and appointments go.  How did they make the diagnosis?

take care x