Newly diagnosed thyroid cancer

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Hi, I’m 38 and a completely solo mum to a nine month old girl. Her dad and his family are not in our life. i am sorry, I don’t know what I want from this atm, I guess just an avenue to vent to someone who doesn’t know me personally.

I have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer (papillary) this week and i am TERRIFIED for my daughter. I don’t know all the acronyms and terms for any of the things that are discussed yet as I have just been stunned since the diagnosis.

I am waiting for surgery to remove my thyroid. I hate the waiting (already impatient and it’s only been three days!), it’s making me crazy. They reckon between 3-6 weeks and all I can think is what if it spreads in that time? What will happen to my girl? I understand prognosis is ‘excellent’ without spread, but why do I feel like I don’t believe it? I can’t stop thinking about it and crying but I need to be present for my baby. She already doesn’t have a Daddy, she can’t lose her Mummy as well. I have my parents locally and some friends but I have a very small circle. And I hate to put burden on them, especially as I already have lots of help from my parents with the baby. They’re due to go on holiday a couple of times in the next couple of months and they’re talking about cancelling etc and I feel so guilty!

I also keep questioning why me? What have I done to deserve this? I try to be a good person. My daughter is perfect (said every parent ever) and she certainly doesn’t deserve this to be happening. So why is this happening to me? I realise that’s incredibly selfish, but life is hard enough for me at the moment without this. I’ve had an incredibly tough time for the last few years and this is just the cherry on top. If it wasn’t for my daughter I think I’d be spiralling and having some very very bad thoughts.

Anyway, thank you for the opportunity to vent and rant and say things I couldn’t possibly say to other people and I’m sorry for the negativity.

Tiger2 8 hours ago

The waiting is always a frustration- but there’s not much you can do and you just have to fit in with the process. You are diagnosed and in the system now. That’s the important thing. As you say a good future assuming caught early as is the case with many cancers. I’ve been in battle for 2 years and mine had spread so more complex. We all have our battles but I remain positive as I know there are so many with harder lives than mine ie children in war zones, no food, running water, shelter and decent sanitation. I find solace when reminding myself in spite of headwinds, we have a lot to be grateful for. We have a health service to identify issues and it’s a great service. You are going to have an op probably involving many staff. This will be free and within a few weeks. At least you have parental support. Your love for your child is possibly echoed by their love for you and they may want to do all they can to help and support. So try and look at the positives not the negatives which may help? Good luck on the journey you are now on.

schnauzerdaisy 5 hours ago

It's such a brave thing to have opened your heart to us all on here so that's a difficult thing to have done. You are not alone in here and we will all totally undetstand and feel all of those things for you. It's certainly a great deal on top of everything else that you are dealing with.
But there are positives with your diagnosis which is important to grab hold of. Your thyroid will be removed and as it has been identified and is being dealt with pretty swiftly you will be in a much better place after the operation. The waiting is the difficult part I found as we are alone with our thoughts. I know exactly how you must be feeling and how frightening it is to be facing this. But you will come out the other side.
Your family sound amazingly supportive and being surrounded by their love will get you through. Your daughter is lucky to have a mummy like you so try not to focus on the bad stuff that pops into your mind. Just take one day at a time and try to stay in the now as much as you can.

i had papillary cancer that had not spread and so I was happy to just get it out. Sounds odd saying that but I was thankful that it was removed. The meds after take a little balancing and Ive had hair and nail issues but that's ok not ideal but they are improving . Im still here and my kids are proud of me. Your family and daughter will be too I'm sure.

You can get through this and your fears are totally normal. Just remember one day at a time

sending you so much love and a big hug

Jan x

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