My husband was diagnosed on 28th December with stomach cancer which has spread to his liver. He didn't even know he was ill until he experienced stomach pain from 8th December which didn't go away. We ended up going to A&E to get a quick diagnosis as things were too slow through our GP. On New Year's Day we went to A&E again after waiting four hours for an ambulance because he was in a state of near collapse, then he sat all night in a chair in A&E then another night in a chair elsewhere in the hospital. He came home after a few days but I was so worried - watching him all the time to see that he was eating and drinking. On Monday we went to the hospital for a blood test and because I was worried about his bloatedness he ended up being admitted again for more tests. In such a short time he is a shadow of his former self, so weak. The latest tests will indicate if and how he can be treated and I and the family are trying to stay positive.
I want him home but I won't cope - he has always been my rock and I know he still wants to be but he has no energy. Last year he painted all the garden fences, he always insists on doing all the iroing for me, he is so lovely. I can't give him nursing care, wiping his bottom etc., - it would ruin our relationship and I don't want that to be my last memories, but I feel guilty because part of me wants him to stay in hospital or a care facility so I can just sit with him. I am grieving for the lovely cosy life we had together which is already gone.
I know I'm rambling but I am totally lost and devastated.
