Lost

In 2007 my husband was diagnosed with a soft tissue Sarcoma. We were advised that as this was such a low grade and also the fact that they could not see the actual tumour when they split open his calf muscle, it would never come back. Fast forward to September 2022, it was back, but was now Myxoid Liposarcoma and the most devastating of all, terminal. After having six round of “Red Devil” chemo, he looked and felt great and we had a fantastic six months, but then again it was back alive so to speak and the last Chemo failed, with him being rushed back into hospital on Boxing Day 2023. Again my beloved proved them wrong and returned home 2 weeks later and remained at home with me until 13 February 2024 when things turned very quickly and he died that same day. People ask how I am, honestly, I aren’t sure, but I know I aren’t alive properly so to speak, I can’t eat and dropped 2 stone in under a week and although I am tired I can’t sleep. I feel absolutely lost, after 39 years together I don’t know what to do or how to act. People, keep,saying it will get better, but will it, how can it. I honestly don’t want to be here, if it wasn’t for our son and wonderful grandson, I don’t think I could carry on. I know a lot of you are gong through the same, but just wondered if putting this down in writing would actually help me.