Mental health after treatment

Hi there @Mum53 I can totally resonate with his . I don’t have sisters or parents but I too have had skin cancer treated by surgery . I feel so down some days and feel strange . I have 3 monthly check ups . It’s so hard to explain I just don’t seem to get past this at all . I have 2 grown up daughters and a husband . I feel like they don’t want to mention anything about my skin cancer and have all just got on with their lives but I can’t get it out of my head . I’m frightened it may come back . Some days I’m fine and other days I’m so down . I know I’ve been extremely lucky to still be alive but it just doesn’t feel like that . I had my surgery in August 2024 so I think it’s maybe still not long ago . Thinking of you and sending a huge cuddle 

Hi GG58, thank you so much for replying. It sounds like your journey has been a similar one to mine. 

In some ways, it isn't logical to me to feel this way. 

I am trying to spend time doing the things I love to build on happy memories and looking to the future. Have you found anything that has helped you to 'cope' better? 

I am glad to hear you have immediate family support, but totally get when thry don't want to raise the subject. 

I'm guessing the mental scars take longer to heal than the physical ones... 

A very big hug to you too. Xx 

I’ve got 5 grandchildren who help me enormously ranging from 25 yrs old to a 4 year old . They all keep me going that’s for sure and takes my mind off feeling down slightly . We’ve got a wee yorkie too and walking her helps too . That’s a great way off putting it that the mental scars take longer to heal than the physical ones and that really Makes sense. I initially thought when I got the surgery , all the worry and depression would go away but maybe you and I still have a few more steps on  this journey before we can move on and I suppose that’s ok too . If we recognise the signals we can deal with it a bit better (hopefully) xx

|HI Mum 53 I feel your pain.  I was exactly the same and rang Bupa and they wanted me to talk to their mental health team, which I did and they referred me to Macmillan which is how I got on this site.  Best thing I ever did as I could talk with people, feeling like I did, going through the same thing. I have no family just my Husband, who was so supportive, making me cuppas in the early hours, when the tears flowed and I couldnt sleep.  My friends were brilliant, telling me I would be fine and the scars weren't that bad, when I new they were awful.  People think "its only skin cancer". Yes it is and my Consultant said the best one to get if you have to have any BUT it is still cancer and you feel dreadful, tearful, emotional and everything else, and it is natural to feel like this.  I had 2 basal cell cancers on my face and I had a wonderful plastic surgeon.  When I first went to dermatologist I thought a tube of ointment and all would be gone.  he took one look and said I cant deal with that its either plastic surgery or radiotherapy.  I was terrified but the plastic surgeon was brilliant, told me not to worry he would look after me and I would be fine.  I am ok now, 2 years later, but always on alert as once you have had one you are prone to others, and I have had 2.  Keep in touch, this group on here are fabulous and always someone to talk to and allay your fears, having been through it and have come out the other end.  Don't ever feel alone we are all here for one another.  Love and hugs.xx

• Hi mum53.....   how you're feeling is perfectly normal...   skin cancer is still a cancer and its a horrible thing to go through...   try not to be hard on yourself....  the healing is a process physically and emotionally and it takes time.....  I personally have a lovely consultant that I see yearly but I know that I can contact him anytime......   what has really helped me is this site as we're all in a similar situation and we understand what each of us is going through.....   you can adk us anything so please don't think anything is too small to ask.. please keep in touch as I'm sure you'll find the site a great help during your healing process

Hi Puckettyboo and Harlyn. Thank you so much for your messages, thinking I only joined 24 hours ago onto this forum and I've already had some lively replies. What it has made me realise is that I'm not a fraud feeling this way. I've clearly got a way to go, but I'm not alone in the way I am feeling. You are right, I have a place to ask questions, the sorts of questions that you don't think of between appointments or remember to ask your macmillan nurse. I've just been on a lovely walk with my daughter and this has definitely helped my mood today. It is clear I should ha e joined this forum alot sooner. Thank you all for being there. Big hugs. Xx 

Hi again Mum53 Glad we could you you and please keep in touch and ask anything you like.  Puckettyboo and me were going through our procedures at the same time, so helped one another.  What sort of skin cancer have you hafd and whereabouts.  Ours were both facial.  What you are experiencing is completely normal and lots of people can't understand and will say its ONLY skin cancer.  I am 75 years old and didnt expect this at my time of life, but apparently it is because I am older !!!. good luck and glad we have been of some help to you xx

Thank you again for replying. 

I had skin cancer on the back of my lower leg due to the abnormal nature of a mole. 

Like I mentioned  before, when seeing professionals, they were good. But, some of the information they gave me was inaccurate, missing and even promises made which were never carried out. Letters went missing, appointments were changed. I was forever chasing, even involving the local PALS team. I did then get to see my consultant again where he apologised on behalf of others and said I'd be supported by him with my second operation. 

My second operation was done just before Christmas and I have a further appointment in March, where I will be monitored going forward. I found out that the consultant I'd seen twice, didn't even carry out the wider incision. 

I am wondering if part of me is still processing what happened, accepting that I am only 53 and didn't really expect to get skin cancer at my age. I need to find my new normal and ways to cope with these low moods to help me move forward. I know I should be grateful that they have hopefully, caught it early.

I have very old fashioned parents who are extremely opinionated, judgmental and have their own health issues, including cancer. Your comment regarding 'it's only skin cancer' does really resonate with me as they both seem to belittle my diagnosis. This is very challenging, but their behaviour isn't new. 

This forum has been amazing in helping me to talk to others that have these feelings. Thank you all so much. Xx