87 yr old dad with prostate cancer and bone metastasis

I don’t know what help you have nor what you can get. Also it sounds like you’re already at wits end so you need help too. Don’t forget yourself in this.

Have you asked the specialist nurse for help (if you have one) this is the fastest route to getting help of all kinds.

Have you a MacMillan group or room locally where you can join the local people doing the same as you. It depends on where the hospital is.

Your dad should be ok where he is but incurable cases like he and I have means there’s not too much possible but palliative care, if that is where your Dad is at the moment. Metastatic prostate cancer is hard to deal with apart from radiotherapy for pain relief if your dads well enough.

You mum should contact her GP for help with social care in the locality.

You have your hands full. Put more detail on your profile page about the situation you and your dad are in, this helps the forum netizens help you better and quicker.

Take care all three of you 

Thank you. He’s in constant pain with his knee (which isn’t affected by the cancer apparently) but it’s a gout type swelling and pain. In a few months he’s gone from being fit and able to walking (hobbling) with a frame and a carer in a couple of times a day. We’re in Northern Ireland and I have to say the follow up care we’ve had has been woeful. Whoever does come is really nice but every time we ask for something the reply is “no that’s not my job, you’ll have to ask another team/department”. Even his monthly hormone injection is getting messed around and nobody will take ownership. Between rheumatology, haematology (he has non Hodgkin’s lymphoma as well), orthopaedics, not one consultant has taken an overall view. It’s all to compartmentalised. They say there’s an MDT but we’re left dealing with a few consultants and teams. And the GP is more than useless

Hi DamianR , welcome to our group.  You haven’t given much info about your dad’s diagnosis.  Any info helps us to give more specific advice.  Prostate Cancer (PCa) usually ends up in one of 2 camps.  Curable or treatable.  At 87 often curable is ruled out as the treatment can’t be withstood, so treatable becomes a likely option.

PCa is slow growing and as we get older one of the advantages (there don’t seem to be many others apart from a bus pass) is that our metabolism slows down.  Both advantages for PCa sufferers.  We say that most men die ‘with’ not ‘from’ PCa.

Please come back with any questions.

Hello again Damian (DamianR ) 

As group members will know, I am not a fan of "watchful waiting" or "active surveillance" as sadly as in your dad's case this can go from no treatment to Stage 4.

With dad being 87 - I would have thought the treatment plan (which should come from his hospital MDT team) will depend on any other comorbidities and should aim to both slow any progression and to ease any pain.

I don't see him being "a burden" to anyone, with a positive attitude, Hormone Therapy to try and stop any further spread and radiotherapy to any painful metastasis he should be able to carry on. It's a case of deciding if the side effects of these treatments would cause more health issues than taking no action at all. To me it's all a question of "quality of life" at age 87.

I think here it's a case of whats best for mum and dad - and working any treatment (if any) around their wishes.

Best wishes - Brian.