Newly diagnosed husband 48

My, what a lot to be going through. Firstly you are not alone. The partner in this prostate cancer pathway is affected as much as the man. It will be tough but we are your new friends who can console, help, cheer and support you both while you acclimatise.

The surgery is for others to tell you about but the hormone therapy I’ve been on 3 years (and will be in for life) is a big change for the man in me. There are more eloquent than me that tell it how it is for relationships but My Darling and I have resolved to kiss and cuddle more in place of getting scaffolding around the errant manhood. It will test you but take it one step at a time.

Rome took years to build and you will overcome each worry and get used to the new you (and him) in time.

Don’t panic.

Ask questions.

Read other people’s profiles and see how things change for the better amongst better awareness and helpful information of the more experienced.

You will become an expert soon.

You will be listened to.

You're never alone.

We are all here to help each other.

Hello MontyMack 

A warm welcome to the group although I am so sorry you are here. That's a very low PSA to confirm cancer however I have seen some strange figures on this group!

As he's already chosen his treatment path (Removal) I hope the surgeon has gone through the the possible side effects, possible permanent issues and recovery times with you both. The NICE guidelines are here:

Prostate Cancer - Recommendations.

As a man who has gone through 4 years of a prostate cancer journey - you just need to be there for him - it's hard for a man to realise he can't perform as he did before but with plenty of love and affection he will get through this. A prostate cancer journey is a couples cancer and you also need to look after yourself.

I wish you both well with his treatment - please do ask any questions, you will get answers.

Do let us know how he gets on.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi MontyMack , Let’s assume the CT is just precautionary and will be clear, in which case what treatment to go for?  You seem to have been given a shortlist of one, which makes the decision simple, but personally I think you should also be given other options.  This makes it much harder and there isn’t a simple obvious choice.  As others will no doubt mention, this is a couples disease and while your DH will have the ultimate decision, you should both be fully informed before going down any route.  Please ask any questions as you go ahead and keep us informed.

I am sorry to hear of your husband’s diagnosis, and with your cancer a couple of years ago this must be devastating news. My husband has his prostate removed in February and potency was extremely important to us, bi lateral nerve sparing was put on the operation sheet so we are assuming that happened. My husband has had no recovery at all and it’s been the worse few months for us as a couple. We have been married for 33 years, he’s 60 I am 56. We are working through how to maintain intimacy but it is hard .My understanding is having nerve sparing does not guarantee a full recovery will be made and in some cases it’s permanent. My husband regrets his decision every day and wishes he had gone for radiation. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I think you need to ask what level of nerve sparing and grade he’s hoping to achieve, and sometimes what they plan doesn’t always go to plan in surgery. Your husband is very young and maybe that’s why they’ve suggested surgery, I would say if there’s another option that would cure the cancer I wouldn’t go with surgery but that's my opinion based on our situation that we are struggling with. There is the incontinence to deal with too, my husband is dry at night, has a bit of leaking through the day but cannot drink beer it literally pours out of him and he gets so embarrassed and isn’t socialising as much.  Take your time, get all the information and really consider quality of life too. Wishing you and your husband all the best x