Please help. Dad just told me today he has stage 4 prostate cancer.

Oh goodness, I do feel for you but all may not appear as bad as it seems.

My husband was diagnosed at 76. Same as your dad, Stage 4 with bone metastasis. He was immediately put on the injections and recently another drug called Bicalutamide which does the same job but was given as his psa was rising. 

We had a telecon with his oncologist a couple of weeks ago and she informed us that his psa has risen again and that they are  going to withdraw the latter drug as was obviously no longer working. Our hospital have never given any prognosis and in fact, his consultant said that lots of men live for many years with high psa readings. 

He has multiple other health problems but he is still with us, despite recently having had a stroke, just to add to his list of comorbidities. I know your first thought is to panic, but you will hear from some fantastic men and ladies on this forum who will be able to give more first hand experiences. You have come to the right place for information and please, please, do not Google it. 

Best regards

Gina

Hi , it’s hard to understand the ins and outs of this disease . My Oh was diagnosed in March and it does take a while to get your head round all the jargon . You have reached out to a wonderful group of fellow suffers and their families . Just fire away questions and someone will give you some thoughts on them .  I found everyone very helpful  and supportive . 

my OH  is on 12weekly injections and Aberaterone . This is Hormone Therapy . His PSA was 14 when diagnosed and it’s down to 0.4 at the last blood work with his current medication regime . He starts radiotherapy pathway next week . Take care and keep in touch . 
Hope you can get some answers .

best wishes 

Liz & OH 

XX

Hello Gina,

thank you so much for responding to me so quickly. Firstly, I’m deeply sorry about your husband. It is very cruel watching your loved ones go through pain and suffering but he sounds like a very strong person that is still fighting and living life.

i am so glad to read your message .. you’ve no idea how much it has helped me after hours of googling and panic. I can’t stop the tears yet but I feel joining this community was the right thing to do. 

my gran died of nose cancer two years ago, and my brother (31 now) is a Leukemia survivor who has been in remission for 4 years now. I’ve had my fair share of trauma as a result of cancer diagnosis.

i feel broken looking at my poor dad. I just want to be strong for him, it’s a lot to take in. He seems in good spirits.

sending you and your husband love and strength, as well. Your message was very kind. 

Hi Liz and OH

sending you both lots of love. Thank you so much for your warm message.

sorry to hear OH is battling this disease, too. I hope the next round of treatment is helpful for them. That is positive news about the PSA going down xx 

It is a lot of jargon, when I was told stage 4 I just couldn’t stop balling my eyes out. My dad says Greason is 4? I’ve no idea what that means but he’s going to explain it to my boyfriend in a couple days who can then tell me.

I’m sure there is questions to come. I feel confused about the doctor saying 5-7 years. Why would they give a number like this. It’s wrecked me 

thank you again and love to you both x

Thank you for your reply . I still bawl my eyes out as it’s  all about the unknown . If your dad is up for it you could attend his next appointment for moral support and ask questions  . If there is a local Maggie Centre they are also wonderful at explaining . We have been quite a few times and they explained it all in detail to us .i don’t look on Google any more as it’s as scarey place to look .  

take care 

Liz & OH 

XX

Hello DistraughtDaughter and welcome to the family. It is so frightening when our loved ones are told that they have stage 4 cancer and we automatically think the worst but even though your dad's cancer is not curable it is treatable and probably for many years to come. Your dad has been started on hormone therapy with the injection which will remove the food very quickly that the prostate cancer needs to feed on and works on it no matter where it has found a home in the body. There are many more treatments he might be offered to deal with the cancer and they all come with some side effects which men can get to a greater or lesser degree so he might find that he will not be able to do all the things he can currently do but you can help him by trying to keep him as active as possible and helping him to live as normal a life as before diagnosis. If you want to understand what treatments are available and a little more about the disease then there is a good book you can download for free.

https://issuu.com/magazineproduction/docs/js_prostate_cancer_guide_for_patients_ezine

My husband was diagnosed in July 2020 with advanced cancer and is still going strong. There are many on here with a similar diagnosis to your dads so ask whatever questions you like and we will try and help.

Hello and thank you for your supportive and kind reply. 

It is wonderful to hear your husband is still doing well!! The treatment they have now is much more advanced. I just wanted my dad to see my kids and my wedding, and to just retire soon and enjoy his garden. This is a very cruel thing to happen to anyone.

Im turning 30 in December and my partner and I are slowly thinking about kids/marriage now, I wanted to my dad by my side throughout this but now it’s in the hands of this horrible disease.

i can only hope his next blood appointment is positive and the PSA has gone down (I think)

thank you for sending that link, it was useful to read through. I’m now panicking if his Gleason may be high. I need to chat to him again x

The Gleason is only a part of the story, it just means how different the cells look compared to a normal cell - my husband is a Gleason 4+5=9, but the histology of the cells will define the type of prostate cancer at this time. There are many things taken in to account when deciding on the treatment pathway for advanced prostate cancer so there is no set route. Now that you have read the book and become acquainted with some of the terminology I would suggest that you watch this video which explains in more detail what some of those routes are. It is American and takes about an hour but it does paint a more optimistic picture than you will find on Dr Google. What it does do is allow you to look at the different possible options so that you can have an informed discussion with the medical team. Make sure that your dad is aware of what is available if he is open to the discussion and also see if he thinks he might benefit from joining the forum so that he gets any support that he might need. The treatments do come with side effects, some of which the patient can deal with on their own but at other times we can usually point the patient in the direction of where to get additional help so that dad continues to enjoy a good quality of life and walk you down the aisle.

https://youtu.be/-RVVq0uDAEE?si=MXRT-Yow-HQRD7gw

The better prepared your dad can be with a list of questions for the oncologist then the more he will get out of the meetings. Also don't forget that your dad can ask for a second opinion if he thinks it might be useful, like everything different consultants can have different views as well as access to the types of treatment.

Hi DistraughtDaughter , I wrote you a post last night but it seems to have vanished. Gremlins in the system, maybe I didn’t press reply or I am on the naughty step again for another mis post!

I just wanted to tell you that I was diagnosed Gleason 9, incurable over 7 years ago and am still doing fine.  Treatment hasn’t been fun at times, but I have had a good quality of life.  You sound like a very caring daughter and I am sure your dad appreciates that.  My advice to you is to make lots of memories and laughter in the good times and support him when it gets tough. Stay positive and encourage him to be positive as that goes a long way when fighting prostate cancer. Best wishes, David

Hi DistraughtDaughter 

I am 60, healthy, fit and 2 months ago found out that my cancer spread into my Spine and my cancer is now Stage 4. As a father of 3 children, my daughter being the youngest and we have always had a special bond. It has been the most difficult thing to let them know of my condition. 

As a father all I want from my daughter and 2 boys is to help me live my best life, no regrets for as long as we are together. I used to be obsessed with this disease but decided to rather become obsessive with being alive and enjoy every day laughing and having fun - nothing crazy. 

The good news is that there are a huge amount of treatment options available to your father. There are so many men that were told their time was much shorter, yet they have ended living many good years. Take a look at “Patting the Shark” by Tim Baker - There is always a possibility of cure.

I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but please try and find happiness in the time you have with your parents not just your father. Be their loving daughter and do not overthink this.

All of the best.

Munster