My partner 47 diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

HiOrvy It’s an incredibly stressful time for you both and impossible to take in everything that’s happening at this point. You are doing the right thing by being here as there’s a huge amount of information, you won’t need all of it but it will help you adjust to whats happening and treatments. When Mr Bw’s results were coming through, I was convinced he would be gone within the year, I was beside myself with the shock of what was happening, then as we worked our way through the process of diagnosis and treatment options things started to fall into place and I understood that I was wrong and there was a future and it was possible to have many more years together. As a rule PC is one of the better cancers to have because it’s very treatable and slow growing.  Hormone therapy (Ht) will stop it spreading any further, shrink it down and suppress it. Then your husband will have either Radiotherapy or Chemotherapy, these treatments will target the cancer and destroy its ability to grow anymore, in effect it will damage the cells and “kill?” them off/ damage them so badly that they won’t be able to grow and double. Your husband is young and strong and he should be able to recover well from from this. Then hopefully he will be in a place of “remission” as such. Where his cancer has been knocked back so much that that any remaining cells can be controlled for many years by being suppressed with Hormones that stop testosterone that PC ( prostate cancer) needs to grow. This is roughly how it works. Some men are able to come off Ht and then be fully recovered and others may stay on it to make sure it stays back. Of course you won’t fully know where you are till you sit down and discuss the levels and treatment options and this is a simplified average version of what can happen with PC when it has moved into other areas. At the start there is too much to take in. Focus on this: suppress it. (HT) “ kill”/disable it (Chemo/RT) manage it. (HT/ blood tests/scans and monitoring anything that’s left)  all the other bits will fall into place as you become more familiar with the process. I hope that helps . 
best wishes to you both.

Lorrainex

 Orvy , of course you are struggling with being positive after such a shock, but please focus on the positive.  Lorraine (BW ) has posted a brilliant reply and am sure that will help.

Taking one day at a time is a really good way to think.  You will find that among the lows there are gradually more highs as time goes on.  You appreciate more of what you have and although the thought of cancer is always with you, you do get to a point where it becomes normal and life returns to normal.  David

Hi Orvy, sorry to hear about the ongoing struggles. The shock of the diagnosis and not knowing what to expect are so very hard to cope with. Just hang on in there and you will, in time, realise that the emotions do settle. I was in total disarray at the time when my husband was diagnosed. For me, the two worst things were not being able to sleep and the words ‘prostate cancer’ constantly screaming around in my brain. And….. tears, tears and more tears!  The problem was that in autumn 2022 we were still having to wear masks in hospitals and surgeries etc. how do you blow your nose when wearing a mask!!! 

As far as prognosis goes, from the many posts I have read on here, this depends more on the language and terminology used by the professional who delivers it! For example some people are told that it is ‘terminal’ whereas others are told that the cancer cannot  be cured but it can be treated. Both are probably both the same  but ‘terminal’ implies no hope and ‘treatment’ implies hope. As we have often discussed here - we are all ‘terminal’!!! Prostate cancer is very treatable and controllable and the treatments are getting better with every passing year. There is so much research going on - hopefully many more improvements in treatment coming down the track?

To this end, I will tell you about my husband’s family history. Some 50 years ago his grandfather was diagnosed with kidney failure due to ‘prostate problems’ and died quite quickly. ‘Cancer’ was a tabu word in those days. Roll forward 25 years and my husband’s father was diagnosed with stage 4  PC and given the only therapy available  then - first line hormone therapy - and the cancer escaped its control and he died 4 years later. From then on, my husband had regular PSA tests . His prostate cancer was caught earlier and he was treated with ‘the intention to cure ‘ ( note the language - the magic word ‘cure’ but no guarantees) He has been told his life expectancy is now the same , following treatment, as any man who has not had PC. Because of the strong family history, he has had genetic screening/ counselling and all 4 of our children are now now advised to have annual monitoring. There are now all sorts of diagnostics and treatments available that were not there for previous generations!   My husband delayed diagnostics because up to about 5 years ago there was no MRI scan before a Truss biopsy ( through the back passage) where only parts of the prostate could be reached and there was a high risk of infection. As he said, this would be like playing darts blindfolded! He had a newly introduced ( at our hospital) scan guided template biopsy.

I hope I haven’t bored you with my ramble and hope that it has given you what we all need - ‘hope’! I hope too! I hope all the brave men here who are undergoing, sometimes lifelong, treatment can live long, happy and fulfilled lives! I know many of them are doing that  and I hope you and your husband have many more happy years together as you watch your little girl grow up!

From one wife to another , I send you a massive hug!

Thank you, I've been really trying today to stay positive and went out for lunch as a family and got a day planned for tomorrow. However we came home to letters from the hospital and it looks like my partner with the MRI results has been graded T4 N1 M1B  this is without the full body scan to check for other areas or the biopsy results. I am guessing it could be graded the worst M1C if it's elsewhere and it can't get any worse than that.  I don't know what this means in terms of prognosis or how effectively they can control the treatment. Just feels like we are on a ticking time bomb. 

Thankyou for the lovely supportive and informative message. I am really struggling to process this all. It's all gone from it could be a UTI to stage T4 N1 M1b in a space of a few weeks. To say I want to curl up in a ball and give up on life myself is an understatement! I'm trying really hard to push through for my little girl but it's exhausting! I work in a GP practice myself and see this stuff all the time. This means work is not a distraction at all. It a constant reminder. I feel because this has come out of nowhere that we will be told after the biopsy results are back and full body scan that he has less that 12 months to live. I know I shouldn’t think this way, but I do and probably trying to grieve now to protect myself for whatever is to come. 

Thank you for the best wishes and I hope your husband is doing ok? 

Orvy x 

Hi Orvy.

I hope that you don't mind me jumping in but your current situation is very similar to mine last June 2023.

Yes I went for a pre op bladder scan before my "Super pubic operation" with open arms.

But we left with the awful news that I had a very large prostate and potentially Cancer!!!

The following 2wks was a whirl wind which ended up with my cancer consultant givin the family the news "Terminal Diagnosis"

But 12mnts on following the introduction of Hormone Therapy my PSA has dropped from 1000+ to 1.79 and I am still able to enjoy every day!!!!

I do hope that everything goes well for you both and I will be thinking of you.

Prostate Worrier 

HiOrvy 

Try not to panic at this point, your husband is having Hormone treatment now and the cancer will be stopping where it is and shrinking back, it’s that quick. You need to talk to someone professional at this point to have a chat Millibob what is the number to ring? If you go to the top of this page there should be a “more” tab and through that you can “ask an expert “ and talk to a nurse. Or were you given any numbers or a team to ring for questions ?  I know it’s very frightening, but you must try to hold steady. There’s lots of people here that have a similar diagnosis and they are ticking along with medication. Contact the nurse and tell them what’s happened and how you feel. They deal with this all the time and should be able to help you. Of course we are all here to help but we are not medical. Please PM me if you need a chat I’m available and will get back to you . Millibob will comeback with some numbers when he sees this . 
x

Hello, I am sorry that you to have been through this awful news and whirlwind! 

It's reassuring to hear that you too are having a positive outcome with the HT and enjoying everyday too. I am just scared with the diagnosis of T4 N1 M1B that looks and sounds very untreatable. I guess I've got to trust what they're telling us that it is treatable and for many years. Also waiting for the biopsy results and for them to do the full body scan and bladder check and then the results means more potential bad news. 

Trying to take each day as it comes but honestly it's impossible at the moment.

Thank you for the well wishes 

Orvy x 

Thank you. I am in regular contact with Macmillan nurses and my own GP. I also work in a GP practice so the drs are offering me lots of support to. I just feel this year we were all dealing with a lot before this happened. I am going to seek counselling though. 

That’s good that you have their support with this . You can talk about this as much as you need to with us. Hopefully more people will will chip in with similar stats to reassure you that this can be a very treatable cancer, because that would be really helpful. jacobanddafna what do you think? 
L x