my husband-Im so scared

Hello Dawn, welcome to this forum! I know you will get loads of replies  as everyone here remembers the dreadful emotions we experience when we go through those first months. In answer to your question - many of us have experienced the fear, anxiety, grief etc that you describe!  I couldn’t have got through those darkest days of my life without he support I received from here and from family and friends!  I was absolutely panic- stricken about the thought of the radiotherapy!,, I used to wake up in the night with the words’prostate cancer’ screaming around in my brain! I spent months and months with little sleep and unstoppable tears!

but , yes, you do get to the other side!  My husband finished his RT in March 2023. In May. we escaped on a 9 night river boat cruise. This was the start of my husband’s spending spree! He was determined to enjoy life and I was happy to comply - new car, 2 cruises, lots of time with grandchildren, trips out and bunches of flowers for me!!! We came back from cruising in the Caribbean last week and are off for a short break to Paris in a couple of weeks! Life is good!

There are still some minor issues. I  hate the effects of the hormone therapy but he is due his last injection at the end of this month. Hopefully he will soon be losing some of the excess weight gain, have more energy and might even get a bit more hair?!!!  I am still frightened that they might not have achieved the cure they hope for or that the cancer might reoccur. But I know that there are treatments out there to tackle this if need be.

Coping strategies that we found beneficial were: talking to others going through the same experience; getting as much information as possible so we could question and make informed decisions; supporting and talking about it to each other ( my husband refused to talk in those early days and that was really tough!),; follow the instruction from your medical team to the letter and tell them immediately about unwelcome side effects; take reassurance from the fact that the medics now have a whole army of drugs and treatments to throw at this illness; embrace this new relationship with your husband! It might sound odd but I think the diagnosis jolted us out of marital complacency thinking we had forever ahead of us as a couple. Now we appreciate every day we have together and I am so proud of how he has dealt with it all! After knowing him for 54 years and married hot him for  50, I love him more than ever and we are so very much closer even though the HT has put a stop to the more intimate side of our relationship!

I wish you and your husband all the very best on this journey! I also hope that my own experience will give you some hope and reassurance. Life really settles down ( albeit in a different way) and you can be happy again:)

Dawn, you got a brilliant reply from Worriedwife.  My journey although not curative is over 6 years and still hanging on.  Life is different but good (and in many ways better).  If you can add your profile it will help you get more specific help (click on St Brelades Bay next to my name to see my profile).

Feel free to ask any questions.

Best wishes to you both, David

Hello Dawn A  A warm welcome to the online Prostate Community - we are a decent bunch!!

I am so sorry to find you here and we as a Community will do the best we can to help. A quick fact to re-assure you is that 98% of men diagnosed with Prostate Cancer die WITH it not OF it.

So Radiotherapy, he will have had a planning scan - it's a doddle - the hard bit is parking at the hospital - he needs to keep fit as fatigue will catch up with him during RT - and watch what he eats and drinks - nothing to give him wind!!

I have just read the post from Worriedwife as I was typing - there's some cracking advice and help there from a fellow wife - so to help further a bit of "housekeeping". Can I ask you to fill in your husband's profile. To do this go to the chair top right on your home page, click on the chair, then "profile" and then "edit". Can you please add a bit about his journey to date and diagnosis -TNM staging, Gleason Score and PSA. (You can read my profile by clicking on my avatar - but you don't need to write a novel).

Once we have his full diagnosis - we can give you a better reply as to what to expect.

If you need some additional help now - please give our helpline a ring on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) it's a free call and the great folk on the helpline should be able to help you.

Please get back to us once you have updated the profile and with any specific questions you have.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi guys, I think I have done it.  I will need to go back to the pack we were given for the PSA but strangely for the advancement they said his PSA was relatively low at 11?  You guys have really helped already ahead of tomorrows treatment thank you

Hi Dawn A

I am so sorry for your husband diagnosis. My husband diagnosed in November 2023 with advanced PC. The first 3 days were so dark and cold I thought this is the end of it. Then I discovered this community here and explored profiles and found out that this is not the end! It is a beginning of a different journey and we are fighting. My husband on HT and soon RT but life goes on, he swims, go for long walks, run after the grandchildren and being extremely active. He is more fatigue and does not sleep well but he decided that this bas...rd will not rob him of his life. Dawn, this community help me so much. I can see how people live fully with a PC that cannot be cure but it can be treated. 

Please stick with this community here and just keep him active as much as possible. Oh, and another thing: I do not know if any of your wives had the same experience but the drop in testosterone makes my husband a nicer man. 

Lots of love

Dafna from Brighton

Hello Dawn

That's magic - thank you - sorry to be a pain in the rear end - but T3 and there are some more numbers and letters - we need those too (I am T3aN0M0) if you have them. The thing about PSA levels are that they are only an indicator of cancer - I know 11 is low - I started wit 182 and we have Community members who have been into the thousands and are still with us.

I am going to "tag" Community member Alpine Wanderer into this post. He's had Brachytherapy in the last month and he can advise you on this. I am sure he won't mind and he will help you with this (It will be later when you hear from him as he's having Radiotherapy today!).

Remember this is OUR Community and YOU are a member among friends - the one thing Cancer does is gives us a type of "bond" and we all understand where you are with this.

Best wishes - Brian.

Dawn,

Good luck tomorrow.  The treatment sounds horrible but actually other than lying still is completely painless and other than a machine making different noises, you really don’t know it is even doing anything.  Once you have had the first dose, it becomes like Groundhog Day (I had 37 sessions).  Let the radiographers know if he has any side effects and they will know what to do.  Best wishes, David

thank you so much x

Thank you Brian, I will need to get the pack out we kind of had our head in the sand for the first few months, our elder son done all the research, but now the RT is about to start I feel I need more advice.  This group are awesome already I dont feel alone

awe thank you Dafna... thats given me such strength, the first week or so we were devastated.  We took two weeks to tell our boys but my eldest has been our rock. Thank you Im so glad I took the plunge from a message on facebook

Thank you