Hello new here. My Dad has advanced prostate cancer which has metastasised to his bones and other areas.

Thank you for your very moving, heartfelt post.  We wish your Dad, you and your family strength and fortitude at this awfully harrowing time.  We know and recognise your pain and, if it helps, please keep posting.  Good night 

Hi Caring Son

I fully echo Sned's comments above. It's an emotional post and I know just where you are coming from as I had this with my own dad!

You are most welcome in this community and feel free to post whatever and whenever you can - you need an outlet and we are here for you. Take care and look after your family.

Best wishes

Brian.

Hi Caring Son,

I really do feel for you. I was wondering how old your dad is and if he has other health problems other than infections?

My husband (78) has advanced pc with bone mets too,which was diagnosed two years ago after a psa of 1200. Last year he was so bad the doctor came to the house and discussed his future and agreed a DNR was appropriate. He had been having explosive diarrhoea for four months, lost loads of weight and was not eating. He was only on the calorific drinks supplied by the doctor. However, once the reason for his lack of appetite and diarrhoea was diagnosed, microscopic colitis, and he was put on steroids, he began to rapidly improve. He was also having regular urine infections and several hospital visits. It was then thought prudent to put him on a daily low dose antibiotic, and has not had an infection since then. Now, a year on, he has put on weight (slightly too much now) and apart from having balance problems and fatigue he is so much better. 

Is your dad on hormone treatment? You say his cancer has returned so was he on treatment before and if so what?

Best regards

Gina

Hi Gina,

That's great your Husband has improved with Steroids and antibiotics. I'll mention this to my Mum as she's the first point of contact with the Hospital.

My Dad is 67, until 2 years ago he was really physically active, playing 5 a side football once a week, going for daily walks, gardening and still working full time.

He was initially diagnosed with prostate cancer 8 years ago,  having hormone therapy every 3 months and his psa levels monitored. He always told me this was relatively low.

And life carried on as normal for the next 6 years, my Dad appeared to look more of a old man, he always looked ten years younger throughout his 50s but I thought this was perhaps how ageing goes after turning 60.

18 months ago my Dad found himself unable to urinate, no matter how full his bladder was he simply couldn't pee. He didn't suspect his cancer had advanced, he went pack and forth to the hospital and was catheterised, returning to try urinating independently without success.

He had surgery to have his prostate shaved in the hope this would help eleviate his issues. This was September last year, from that point he began suffering chronic back pain which spread and got progressively worse. He had a valve surgically implanted to forgo the terrible catheter pain.

He's been through endless tests and 2 months ago his urologist let slip "I presume you know about the tumour discovered during your September surgery " he did not know this, when we raised this revelation with the consultant we were told a letter was sent before Xmas, no such letter was seen by my parents. 

My Dad was told in May, the cancer had metastasised, currently in his spine, hips and liver, with spors on his ribs. He also has reduced kidney function with 6 monthly stent surgery on offer.

He has had 3 hospital admissions with bladder and chest infections, he currently has pneumonia. We've also discovered due to his Kidney issues his body isn't filtering his orimorph correctly, leaving him confused and unable to remain conscious for long.

Recently he's had no appetite and feels sick if he attempts to eat. He's had 5 days of radiotherapy but we're told he's too weak for chemotherapy.

Since he found out about his metastasis, he's rapidly declined, it's been shocking how much has happened in 8 weeks.

It feels like something serious was missed while my Dad was having bladder issues, in retrospect this feels like a massive red flag for a man undergoing a watchful waiting period with prostate cancer.

Goodness me your poor dad has been through the mill. It does seem like something was missed at the hospital. It is a total lottery as to the level of care you receive and where in the country you are. We have been lucky as are under the care of Peterborough City Hospital. With all the other things going on with my husband, suspected bowel cancer and a partial bowel removal, (which was not cancer but the polyp could not be removed any other way), atrial fibrillation, microscopic colitis, stomach polyps and an aortic aneurysm he too has really suffered. He also started to look much older in the last two years and when I have gone to the appointments with him, I have been mistaken for his daughter. I am 72, so only six years between us!!

Don't give up hope that your dad will come through this and begin to recover. Having seen first hand how my OH has been in the last year, I know that there is often light at the end of the tunnel. When we saw our doctor at the end of last year, he actually told him he had almost given up on him and not expected him to last  out the year. He said it in a jokey sort of way, but I know he meant it. My husband's cancer is not curable and he can only have hormone treatment, but so far this is keeping the cancer from growing. He has just had another psa so we will see how it is working when the results come in.

Whilst you are doing everything you can for your dad, don't forget your mum. It takes a huge toll on the wives and partners too.

Best regards

Gina

Thank you for your kind words. I've been quite low on hope lately but hearing how your husbands hanging in there gives me hope that maybe my Dad can too.

My Mum's doing her best at the moment, my brother is living with Mum and Dad, so he's been able to help with a lot of my Dad's care, we're all rallying round Mum to make sure she's got time to get away, but also making sure she's got someone to talk with and plenty of hugs.

I hope you're managing okay and getting plenty of support. It really brings home how much our loved ones mean to us when seriously illness strikes.

Best wishes to you and your husband 

Hello Caring Son

im so sorry to hear about your Dad’s health problems but I’m so heartened by your love and compassion for him!

I’m just wondering whether the doctors have run any blood tests recently to check his kidney function and, specifically, his urea and creatinine levels? My father in law had prostate cancer and like your Dad, could not pass urine. The urine backlogged up to his kidneys causing kidney damage. The malfunctioning kidneys caused him to be very very sleepy and confused and the consultant told us his urea and creatinine were raised. 

forgive me if I am way off track here but just felt I needed to say. This was about 22 years ago and so things might have changed.

my husband has been on hormone therapy since last November and I know he’s aged a lot more than 8 months in that time. It’s heartbreaking to see, I know. It also brings a feeling of powerlessness to help.

I do hope things improve for your Dad. Please let us know how things go

xxx

Hi WW and Caring Son

You are so right - I was so sad to read what Caring Son had said and originally posted an "I am so sorry post" however rereading everything I should have realised. 

I was diagnosed when I went off food - I than went off beer and they knew I was ill.  And I had issues passing urine.

Admitted to hospital with kidney failure - kidney Function  GFR 8 (normal range 60+)  urea level 29.1 (normal range 2.5-7.8)  and Creatinine 566 (normal range 64 -104)

In my case the prostate had grown, crushed my bladder, that in turn had crushed my kidneys and in the words of the A+E doctor - nearly killed me!!  - along came the catheter (for 10 months) then the TURP operation and I am where I am today - with a few more bits and pieces added on!!

Sorry to be so graphic - but I hope the above helps - you can read my full journey by clicking on the icon of the beach if this helps too.

I wish I could help more - but we are with you on this journey.

As WW and Sned above have said - keep us posted.

Best wishes 

Brian.

Thanks for your kindness. I know my Dad has had blood tests and is being reviewed by the renal team, I'm not too sure about any levels. My Mum tells me he has reduced kidney function, with the Doctor advising a stent.

I'm a little unsure of some of the details as there's been a lot of information to take in. Sadly there are several issues that have presented in a short space of time. 

I hope your husband's hormone therapy goes well. If the cancer hasn't metastasised I believe there are good odds of recovery with the right treatment plan. If you keep an eye on any changes and get as many regular checks as possible. I'm not sure how often my Dad had his psa checked. I've recently found out psa checks are a good indicator, but not 100% reliable, in the past my Dad seemed quite pleased with his psa results so I believed he was okay.

If I could offer any advice to anyone recently diagnosed or in a period of watchful waiting, it's stay vigilant and take note of anything going on related to the prostate or bladder function. The NHS is so over stretched, I worry about people waiting to long or things being missed.

The feeling of powerlessness is huge, I can only imagine how scary it is for my Dad and others. My heart is with you and all the other families going through this. I can't do much in the scheme of things, but any burden I can help shoulder I will, any comfort I can bring, and most of all I can let him know he's loved and cherished. 

When options dwindle, as family we can bring hugs and do all we can to let our loved ones know thet are loved and don't have to go through this alone. Thank you again for your kind words 

Thanks for your kindness, it's been really helpful hearing other people's stories. My friends have been very kind but I do worry that I'm asking too much when I tell them how I'm feeling and what my Dad's going through. It's feels easier talking about cancer issues knowing that you're sharing with those in similar situations.

Well done on the 5k , I had a quick read of your story and I'm pleased things are going well. Hopefully you'll continue to go from strength to strength. The more kindness and positivity in the world the better. I work for a volunteer centre, supporting the elderly, spreading kindness is a wonderful medicine and it's heartening to get such supportive responses to my post. I'll do my best to keep posting and also keep up to date with all the kind people on this forum.

Best wishes to you Brian 

Best