New, husband just diagnosed

Hi LinP,

Okay your initial reaction is panic and obviously so is his. Take a breath, this is a true shock but may not be as bad as you think. My husband is a lot older, 78 now, and he was diagnosed two years ago with a psa of 1200. After scans they have found that it has spread to the bones. He was, like your husband, immediately put on hormone injections. The reason for this is that prostate cancer needs testosterone to progress. However, once this treatment is started, it should very quickly start to reduce the psa. It may not necessarily have spread, but even if it has, it is treatable if not curable. Until he has had some scans, they will not be able to ascertain if it has actually spread.

It is a huge shock but you will find there are many fantastic men on this site who are still alive and kicking and will be replying to you very soon with some reassurance. Also, some lovely wives who will also give you tremendous support, especially my online friend Worried Wife who has been through the mill with her husband.

You will undoubtedly be a fantastic support for your husband but make sure, if you can, you attend all appointments with him as it is so easy for someone to glaze over and forget what they have been told. No longer is prostate cancer a terminal illness, even the most advanced can be treated and kept at bay.

Best regards and  stand by for lots of support on this wonderful forum.

Gina

Thank you so much Gina. I do indeed feel in panicle mode but trying to stay calm and reassuring in front of my husband.  I’ve encouraged him to join the forum but he just can’t talk about it at all right now and is in despair mostly and scared.  I am grateful to you for replying as he doesn’t want me to tell anyone other than his mum and dad and I am trying to reassure them also but I have had no one I can talk to.

Hi Linp,

I agree totally with Sidsmum, my partner has a high PSA (with “doubling times” your husbands reading would be my partners within a few months) and like you we went into a flat panic when we found out. Rest assured there’s plenty of treatment on hand. Read my partners journey so far, this will probably be your course of treatment also. Tap on the blue ribbon to read his profile. Each day can be endless waiting to see the outcome of the tests and your treatment plan, but know that you are now in a good place as your husband has started Hormone treatment, and that will start to shrink back the cancer rapidly and hold it in check while you are waiting. I swear, in the first weeks I thought my partner would be dead within the year, but now I understand more about this cancer  I can see a lot further down the line and we are a lot calmer about the situation as we can see a future. 
It’s really good that you have reached out as there’s a lot of men here that are in a similar place and of course wives and partners that that are also very knowledgable and understanding of your situation. You are not alone, you have found a safe place that you can discuss your treatment and feelings and know that everyone here has your back and will help if they can . 
Best wishes for you and your husband and keep us posted as to your progress. 
L x

Thank you so much. It’s a great help being able to talk to people going through similar as I have felt so alone and trying to keep him positive.  Good luck with RT. 

Linda

Hello LinP, I’m really sorry to hear your news. Getting that diagnosis comes as such a big shock for all of us. 

my husband was diagnosed last autumn. He started hormone therapy in November and had radiotherapy in February/ March. We have a tortoise who, when approached, pulls all its limbs and head into its shell.  My husband was just like that! He refused to talk to anybody about the cancer, refused to engage in medical consultations, refused to talk to me…..I have never felt so lonely in all my life! Like your husband, he doesn’t post here but in those first difficult months this forum was my life saver!

There are several important things to take on board. The first thing we learned was that we had to be politely assertive to get timely appointments at the hospital!  We learned that we had to closely monitor the lackadaisical hospital admin processes!

 The next thing we did was research!  Getting info, for me, gave me some sense of control in a pretty uncontrollable situation. I would recommend www.prostate cancer.uk as a starting point.

 I would also recommend advising close male family members on your husbands side of the family to get checked out and to have regular PSA checks. Because your husband has the diagnosis they will be seen as being at higher risk.

the hormone therapy does come with side effects and I’m sure you will hear about these from the menfolk here. For me, it’s the fact that my husband seems to be in a permanent state of jet lag which is the most troubling. Some days are better than others.

Finally, there are a whole lot of treatment options out there. Even if the cancer has spread they can do a lot to manage it. I saw a video which suggested that prostate cancer can be understood as a long term condition, like diabetes, which can be managed if not cured.

you will no doubt find yourself going through all sorts of emotions over these next weeks. I did! I cried, I raged, I was angry, I was frightened, I hit some very low points….but I also felt terribly proud of the quiet dignity with which my husband dealt with it all.  Today he goes for his first PSA test post radiotherapy and another hormone injection. We are though, thinking very much about this weekend when we depart for our first holiday since the diagnosis. We are determined to enjoy ourselves as much as possible for as long as possible!  

I do hope everything goes well for you and look forward to hearing how you get on x

Just an add on, we have been told that the treatment my partner is having is aimed at going for a “cure’ even with the suspected metastatic spread. The RT will cover a large area of my partners pelvis and include lymph nodes and then with the addition of hormone treatment after,  the early metastatic spread should die off as no testosterone = nothing for the cancer cells to feed off and they will die. So… your husband could be in a similar position as this. If this doesn’t happen in the end, the next option will be hormone treatment to keep things at bay.

My partner spent the first month in denial and it took a while for things to sink in, he became very withdrawn. My approach from the start has been to take a positive fighting stance on this as I felt this was the way to help and support him. I think you are obviously reaching out like I was for answers and you will help him by researching meds, treatment and options, you will then be able to ask very informed questions at the meetings and this will very supportive to your husband. Hopefully your husband will adjust once he has a clear idea of his options and feel a lot better once he gets the treatment plan. 
L

Hello LinP.  Welcome to the club - it's not where you want to be - but it's a great place for help and advice.

I thought I would post as it's been all the girls so far.

Yes the diagnosis is a shock, we men don't take kindly to being told we are ill and it's something we need help with - once we have got over that fact we then need the support of our partner - you girls and ladies then become our rock and "go to" person.

It took me a couple of months from full diagnosis to realising that I could and would fight this cancer and would do as much as I could to understand the cancer and it's treatments. At first I was told it had spread and was starting to wander around my body - but lucky for me later scans and the oncologist confirmed this to be wrong.

I am now 17 months from diagnosis and apart from continuing hormone treatment I feel great - I am awaiting a PSA test after radiotherapy but even without this I feel amazing.

You are in the right place for help. As your husbands "journey" continues please keep us updated with his progress - test results, Gleason Score etc and remember that although it's cancer it's a very treatable cancer.

Out there in the big wide world there are few people who understand Prostate Cancer apart from the sufferers, their partners and their families plus the medical staff. I know you say your husband has withdrawn and is avoiding people if it would help, click on the icon next to my name (it's the beach) and let him read my journey - it has a happy ending! If it would help I am open to having a one to one with him.

I hope the above is of help - we are all here with you on this journey.

Kind Regards - Brian.

Hi

1. I've not been on here for a while ...my partner is 57 got diagnosed in November.....PSA 284  T3 Cancer ....it had not got into his bones ...started injections straight away...he had another CT scan last week and starts radiotherapy on the 7th June . He goes to drs this morning for blood tests to check PSA so will be interested to know how he is......we have been told  that chemotherapy won't work.... He does have advanced cancer but hopefully the radiotherapy will give us the hope we want and will be on injection for 2/3 years ....my partner won't talk about it and dealing with it his way ........I've not not been on here for a while as it got to much for me to deal with...... McMillan have been my rock and my GP .....please get support it's helpful for me so I can support my partner......I tell my partner every thing how I feel  it's important as well. I go to every appointment with him as I ask alot of questions.......Take care xx

Have a great holiday WW and let me know when you are free when you get back for a meet up. I would love to hear all about your river cruise and some photos hopefully too. 

Gina x

Hi WW, 

Have a lovely holiday. I am really interested to know your husbands results so please share them xx

Have fun L