Dad

The GP is there for mood control. Although for me I’ve spend days in bed with pain and mental issues I’ve had wonderful help when I’ve asked.

Tge GP has me on a list that requires immediate attention, so anything I want I get within reason. The GP does not cross over with oncology and will differ to them when he has to.

The pain is sorted out by the doctors at the local hospice who are astounding. The nurse line is 24/7 and so helpful.

So yes there’s every reason to stay in bed away from the services, but you don’t have to.

Pain should not keep you in bed, it needs to be sorted by the hospice or a GP.

Mental health is awkward because he needs to show willing, which is unlikely, but keep trying to get him to talk to someone.

I don’t remember you saying how old he is but as a recently fit and outgoing chap he’s not an invalid — but he will be if he stays much longer in bed. He needs to exercise, it’s a must. He will be wasting away in bed and I know how hard it is to regain your strength. It’s nearly impossible, but with daily practice you can reclaim some muscles.

His bed is his sanctuary at the moment but it’s also a prison and torture place where his body is wasting. So if he’s able to get out of bed then let him have another safe space in the house where he’s comfortable. You’ll need help from council crisis teams but you’ll get there if you get him to ask. The talking therapies could be on a phone or laptop so he might not have to go anywhere, but he needs to talk and feel better in himself as well as drugs and other therapy to help him.

Good luck but get some help.

Hello Disneylandb3ad46 

You care for dad, but you also need to push for help for him. 

You clearly don't think he's receiving the help he needs, His daily needs should be the responsibility of his GP, if you are not happy with dad's healthcare you need to go back to your GP. IF you think dad can no longer cope by himself you need to contact your local social services office and they will appoint a social worker to check on dad's health and wellbeing.

His cancer treatment is provided by the hospital oncology department, they will be reviewing his medication, once they have the results of his MRI scan.

You may find the best group of people to help you care for dad are in our "carers group", and here's a link to that group:

Carers only forum 

If you click on the link I have provided, join the group, you can then post the question there "How best to care for my Dad". I am sure you will get some great advice from Community members already dealing with situations such as the one your dad is in.

Best wishes - Brian. 

Thankyou for always commenting back it really helps , dad is 67 , I think I’m just trying to get my head around everything because I no he certainly isn’t so someone has to , I’m just hoping and praying deep down that once this mri is done it’s like once of the most important things there asking for so we should be able to move forward, I’m just hoping he goes because there is always a exuse for absolutely eveything 

Hi Disneylandb3ad46 have you ever had days where you just think staying in bed is better than getting up, but once you do get up, you feel better?  I think when Mr U said

Mr U said:

His bed is his sanctuary at the moment but it’s also a prison

he has absolutely hit the nail on the head.  If he just stays in bed he will deteriorate.  You need help to get him thinking positively again and to get him moving.  

Yes I really do try I even say to him dad would like like to walk to the window sill and back get some fresh air , he even rang me yesterday to go round and help him look for his remote, I think because he’s been off his legs so long his legs are giving in ! It’s scary for a man who was only 5 months ago I to his fitness so much ! Very strong man my dad was …. This is just taking over 

he said what’s the point in walking to the living room when he should be in bed , I try and be so positive in every single aspect , I’ve got carers in now in the morning to take that pressure of me but he doesn’t let them do much it’s all down to me ! 
he was showering fine only a few weeks ago now he asks for a “ wipe down “ because he gets so out of breath but I’ve explained to him the more he stays in that bed the more he will be out of breath 

if you have any tips or advice on how I can get him moving I would appreciate it 

thankyou x 

Hello Disneyland...

I really feel for you being in this situation as looking after someone (especially a loved one) is exhausting in so many ways.

My one tip would be to try being more assertive with him so rather than asking him if he would like to walk to the window (as this is a question & so easy for him to reply no to), turn it round by saying ''this is what we are going to do'' (statement of fact & hopefully a better chance he will do it).  

Start with really small things & take any quick wins you can, which as David2017 mentions will help getting him thinking more positively again.

Best Wishes

Brian

So sorry you’re going through the mill with your beloved dad .

its hard to watch the person you always looked to for support now he is . When my dad was ill with cancer we encouraged him to let us take him to his local pub for a beer . He would the effort albeit it took a lot out of him. Sometimes he would have a small whisky chaser or a beer shandy . It was so he continued to have contact his his peers . 

Is there anything he enjoyed doing prior to him taking to his bed ?  Hopefully once he had his scan and they sort out his pain he will feel a different person .

take care & hugs

Liz & OH xx

 Disneylandb3ad46 I do feel for you having to be the primary carer and seeing him go downhill. I think both Brian (Buzzers ) and Liz & OH (johnam ) have given some great suggestions. Take time out for yourself as well.