Dad diagnosed with prostate cancer Gleason 9 last Tuesday

My word, what a horrible list of problems for your mum and Dad.

You Dad is probably concentrating and worrying about you mum and not himself.

If he gives himself somewhere locally where he can chat and eat properly in company. Loosing weight is a natural problem for his own problems.

The pain in the neck needs chasing up as a priority and he’ll then feel more like eating more.

If there’s a need for. Both parents to have help and support locally you need to ask and ask and ask. It sounds like your Dad will not like help for himself? I mean I’m only 61 and require loads of help from my Darling Mrs U. I would find it very hard to ask for help for me if (God forbid) she had a heart attack or worse still multiple heart attacks. I bet you are worried too. 

Ask for more help for your Dad, if he can get onto some good curable pathway he will be able to get back to helping your Mum.  But it’s him first for him and services for your mum.

Good luck

Hello Elsie (Elsie (5d4a1b08edb84e1b8691c866a595a8cb)) 

A warm welcome to the online Community although I am so sorry to find you joining us in these circumstances.

The good news is that Hormone Therapy gets to work from day 1 and stops the cancer in it's tracks so there will be no further growth/spread. If as you have said the cancer has spread, dad's treatment plan will depend on the results of the PET scan and how fit he is to face any treatment.

As to the severe neck pain, you need to have a word with dad's GP regarding this - it could be anything and not necessarily related to the cancer diagnosis.

When mum is ready to come out of hospital you need to sort out a "needs assessment", this should be done by the hospital or your GP but if it isn't, you need to contact your local council's Adult Social Services. You can request this at any time and they will sort out a care plan to help dad to cope. I know he's probably a very proud man and doesn't want help - but it's for the best.

If your local hospital has a Macmillan Centre or a "Maggie's" (this is a cancer charity) you can drop in for help and advice. You can also call our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week).

I hope this helps - keep us in the loop and keep asking questions - we are all here for you.

Best wishes - Brian.

• Many thanks for taking the time to reply and share very kind

Thank you , finding help for them feels like it is going to be difficult but will talk to hospital first re assesment, weve got no where with the council so far and been over 18 months trying to get them a dedicated parking space nearest to their house (private house) but no driveway and, as it is up a walkway can’t park outside . Dad doesn’t like driving last few years anyway but useful to go to do their ‘shop’, he bought a wagon type thing to pull the shop up the walkway. They have a disabled base for mum, will need to get one for dad, he has emphysema and copd too. So guessing he would definitely now qualify. He is very proud and independent, and has felt held back for want of a different word last few years with mums decline in lack of mobility ie walking,standing not sure if she’ll be able to come out this time without oxygen. I’m very worried re the hormone treatment and all emotions that come with it how it will affect them both , will keep reading threads and reach out further 

Hello Elsie (Elsie (5d4a1b08edb84e1b8691c866a595a8cb)) 

I know where your dad is with everything. I am 70 and now accept that there are things I can't do anymore. Small jobs around the house that would take half an hour now take half a day!!

Hormone Therapy affects us all in different ways - but we all get fatigue, the rest of the side effects are very individual so keep checking with him.

As for help for mum and dad, it's there but you do have to be pro-active. Do keep in touch and we will try and help where we can.

Best wishes - Brian.