I',m finally at the end. All she gives is small touches. A lifetime of devotion means nothing. I still love her to death, but that doesn't matter any more - 35 years of WHAT?
I WILL HAPPILY DIE ALONE, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS
Please let us know more about your condition thus far so that we are better able to give advice. I think you need couples counselling. The diagnosis is a shock and you need someone to help you navigate your way through all this. I would get in touch with either MacMillan or Prostate Cancer UK Specialist Nurses they have a free phone advice line 0800 074 8383 Open Mon, Tue Thur, and Fri form 9am - 6pm and on Wednesdays from 10am until 8pm someone on either the Macmillan or Prostate Cancer UK will be able to point you in the right direction. If you have a Maggie's Centre near you then a visit there would be a help too as they usually have counsellors available too.
This is a really grim time, and you are going through it whilst burdened with cancer.
To have the collapse of what you thought was a secure relationship, for whatever reason, is a life changing event, even without anything else happening.
What's worse is that it will run it's own course, which, from the inside, will feel as if it takes forever. No one can take away the pain and suffering.
I know, though, that it can be adjusted to; that if you put your head down and walk through the storm, with whatever friends and family who will walk with you, there is another side.
The thing is that the other side is different - there is a mountain of change - and, right now, you don't want that.
Do I know this can be overcome? Yes, I do know, personally.
Do I know how YOU can overcome it? I am afraid not. We are all individuals, and therefore my way is not yours.
There are all sorts of things that might help. Medication, counselling, cognitive behaviour therapy, all of the above.
If you feel the way you sound, talk to the Samaritans. 116 123. Free for however long you want. 24 hours a day. Every single day.
They will listen. As you speak to them, you may find things become clearer for you.
My brother's wife treated him in much the same way, I don't think it was her really not wanting to touch him more that she was scared of her future alone.
I have seen a change in the way my wife treats me since I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
We must try and remember that being diagnosed with any cancer is a personal terrifying experience, I had a terrible time for some time after being diagnosed, something only those diagnosed will really know.
How we cope has an affect on those around us, we have been married for 40 years and I found it hard to talk to anyone about my own feelings, my wife is a care worker and has dealt with this before, but that is not dealing it personally.
When I arrived at the hospital for my 4 week stay for radiation therapy my mind was in a real mess, the hustle and bustle of the hospital didn't help at all, but my wife helped sort me out by taking me to Maggie's. talking to complete strangers that didn't want to talk about my cancer or its treatment was a blessing in disguise, I spent hours in the quite of their building during my 'fractions' ,left alone in the quiet with my own thoughts racings I became, in a way calm within myself and started to realise that my cancer was not the end, but the beginning of a new era of my life, I began to see that I was not alone, that there were people just like me in there, people who would listen to me, talk to me about my worries and listened to them.
As someone that always thought he was in charge of his life being diagnosed with cancer shot me down in flames, I still have long nights without much sleep, getting up more than often for a pee and sometimes dreading going out just in case I have an 'accident' my wife has come to terms with my diagnoses and with Christmas coming we have both worked hard to make it as normal as possible.
There are plenty of people, organisations that are out there willing to help you, my thanks go out to my GP, all those in Urology and Oncology, radiologist, nurses and the wonderful people in Maggie's for all time and help they have given over the last 8 months.
My wife has come to terms with my cancer and has become my shoulder to lean on when I get down and boy do I have some bad times, but only another 16 months on hormone therapy to mess my mind up even more.
Hi Cyril (Safeways ), we all deal with this in different ways and it really is a couples illness. You sound to have worked through your initial problems and have come a long way. Stories like this really help others who are at the start of their own journeys so thanks and Happy Christmas, David
