Just can't do it anymore really need some help

Hello Sad wife .

I can remember you coming on the forum about 7 months ago and were struggling then and so sorry that it resulted in a nervous breakdown. My husband had one many years ago so know that it can take a long time to recover, but also that it can be a battle to not go there again. He was supported by a mental health nurse at the time and we had a number we could call if he was in crisis so I was wondering if you have this kind of support behind you.

You did right to walk away and hopefully it has made your husband think. Very often us wives are victims of our own efficiency and have accepted the role of home maker whilst also holding down a job and this has allowed our partners to think that this is the norm. You have had just as big a shock as your husband with his diagnosis and the nervous breakdown is your bodies way of telling you that you are not 'superwoman'. As we do not know the dynamics of your relationship it is difficult to offer advice but from a personal point of view I would sit down with my partner and tell him that you no longer feel able to do everything and see if he can help with specific jobs, particularly as you are still working full time. It might be that he is not aware that you are struggling or he doesn't know how to do something and needs showing - this is hubby's problem. I have also got to the point where we get outside help to do the heavier jobs that neither of us can do anymore.

Am I right in thinking that your husband is on a curative pathway as he has had Brachytherapy and radiotherapy? These treatments do take it out of you but don't normally disable you so should not be a reason as to why he can't help. If he is refusing to help then this is an altogether different matter.

Thank you for your reply I'm trying to calm down as I'm still furious I will try to talk to him tonight. Thanks again 

I’m on HT and I’ve had brachytherapy and radiotherapy (full pelvis) and I can tell you that there is no reason why you can’t share the chores.  Emphasise that this is a couples disease in that you are supporting him 100%.  He needs to reciprocate and support you 100% around the house etc.  No excuses.   AW

Thank you  

Hi Sad wife  very sorry to hear your OH is treating you so badly.  I obviously don’t know how he was before his diagnosis, but perhaps you have always done everything for him or he is using the cancer as an excuse.  There are times when I run out of energy but I tell my wife and she understands.  The rest of the time I try and help share tasks.

I am with AW on this, I am afraid.  He needs to be told what you have told us.  This is a couples disease and it affects you as much as him.  Good luck. David

Hello Sad wife 

I am so sorry to read your post and apologise for the delay in my reply as I have had a weekend "off". I can fully understand how you feel and although Prostate Cancer (like all cancers) is a "couples" cancer the responsibility of running the household single handed should not be yours!!

May I make a few suggestions - 

On the Community we have 2 other forums you can join and you will find extra support from these two Communities and here's the links-

Carers only forum and

Family and friends forum 

Do you have a "Maggie's" centre near you - this is a cancer support charity where you can drop in, and get plenty of one to one help - again here's a link -

https://www.maggies.org/

There is an organisation call CALM who may be able to provided a little help, support and advice in your case, their support line is open 5pm to midnight on 0800 58 58 58 or www,thecalmzone.net

There is also our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) - just give them a ring, let them know whats going on and they will be able to offer you some extra support.

We on the Community are all here for you - feel free to "vent" - we all understand. 

I hope the above helps - if I can do anything else for you please let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.