Advanced Prostate Cancer and life expectancy (rant + sharing our approach)

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Hi everyone,

I posted a few weeks ago when we found out that my partner has metastatic prostate cancer spread to lymph nodes and bones. I received incredible responses and support. I am very thankful for that! We were shocked and a bit devastated by the news but we both got back up pretty quickly.

This is a bit of a rant; I hope it’s ok!

I am fed up with doctors and specialists who think it is right to put a time stamp on someone’s condition.

I have been a silent reader here for the past few weeks and I am horrified to read about people having been told that they have “this much left to live”.

The truth is that they absolutely DO NOT KNOW. Yes, there are stats, but remember that stats are based on a small sample of the population and that there are always new treatments coming up that would affect those stats.

In my mind, if you tell someone: You have 2 to 3 years left, there is a psychological effect by which this time frame will be stamped in their mind and inevitably, they will not make it over 3 years.

No. This must stop.

I would like to share with you how my OH and myself are approaching this terrifying diagnostic of Advanced Prostate Cancer.

Some might say we are fooling ourselves, but I like to think they are wrong.

First of all, we have agreed a treatment plan that we trust: Triplet therapy.

But that’s not all. We lived a relatively healthy life, but made further adjustments based on a lot of reading and vlog watching about advanced caner (not limited to prostate). I am happy to share the readings, etc. if anyone is interested.

I share everything that I find with my partner. We have a positive mind and when one of us is having a bad day (they do happen), we lift each other up, we do something we like, etc.

We have changed our diet to have less meat (we do love a good steak every now and then), more vegetables, eliminate sugar as much as possible and have more superfood that are believed to interfere with the cancer. MY OH was very active before but even more so now, cycling between 50 and 70km every two days.

We stay away from the negative as much as possible. We have a great oncologist who agreed that we should treat this as a chronic disease rather than a nasty illness that is going to kill him soon.

He said Advanced Prostate Cancer (at least here, in my OH case) is not TERMINAL (I used this word myself early on). This term also must stop being used. It is treatable and there are lots of options in case the cancer stops responding to one of the treatments.

 

We don’t have all the answers, far from. But keeping a positive mind and working together against this disease is the best we can do. Life is normal-ish, we have just been on a two weeks holiday, we go out to concerts, restaurants, etc.

We chose not to give this nasty disease so much importance in our lives, we refuse to give it the power to govern our lives. We are in charge.

 

Wishing everyone a great mid-week!

  • YES HOPEFULLY, NEED TO STAY POSITIVE FOR HIS IMMUNE SYSTEM EVEN THOUGH HIS ONCOLOGIST AND NURSE SPECIALIST HAVE SAID IT IS INCURABLE. DONT KNOW WHY WE KEEP BEING REMINDED OF THIS.

  • Hello  .

    A warm welcome from another wife here whose husband was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer over 4 years ago and is still going strong despite an initial poor prognosis. No one can accurately predict life expectancy so throw those comments by the oncologist out of the window and change the attitude to 'I am going to prove him/her wrong'. I agree it is a wake up call that you are not going to live forever, and will probably have a shorter time together than you had planned but it does have its positives. It is an opportunity to put your house in order and then sit down and reassess what is important in life. We made a conscious decision to enjoy every day together, ditch the negativity and bin the anger as it can be destructive and stop you from getting the most out of life.

    On our 4 year journey with prostate cancer we have had ups and downs but the oncologist always has a plan B, C, D and now E. If you have a standard prostate cancer (and yes there are several types) then the hormone therapy is usually very effective at bringing the PSA down as it acts on the cancer no matter where it is in the body. Provided the PSA remains down then you know that things are under control. With advanced cancer there comes a time when the cancer can work round the HT so plan B is usually offered and so on. For some this can take years, for others like my husband it is more in terms of months. As Dafna has said, it would be useful if you actually joined the prostate cancer group and put a little bit of information on your profile as this will help us to help you and also stop asking the same questions each time you come on. To do this click on the chair by your name, go to edit profile, type away and don't forget to press save. You say your husband is currently on chemotherapy but can I ask if he is also taking any tablets as well as having the injections?

  • I THINK HE IS, NEED TO GOOGLE THE NAME, WAS GONNA STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE ITS FRIGHTNING. HOPE YOUR HUSBAND SETTLES DOWN.

  • Hopefully it is Darolutamide, but could be Abiraterone, Enzalutamide or Apalutamide.

  • YES IT IS DAROLUTAMIDE

  • That is good news as it has been shown to give improved outcomes in terms of time to recurrence, particularly when the chemotherapy and DarolutamideNewspaper2 are started within 6 days of each other and combined they start with 12 weeks of the hormone injection.️

  • THANKYOU THAT IS REASSURING X

  • Hi  , I am rather late to this conversation but thought I might be able to help.  It is a terrible shock, firstly being given a prostate cancer (PCa) diagnosis but then being told it is incurable.  I remember the feeling well.  So, my story started over 7 years ago and I was given the same diagnosis as you.  It hasn’t been easy all the time but in many ways getting a PCa diagnosis has I think made me a better person.  We have tidied up our affairs and live for the day rather than putting things off.  Exactly as  said in an earlier post, we have reassessed what is important in our lives.

    It sounds like your team are on the case and hopefully your OH’s PSA will keep low.  Since I started on my journey, different drugs are now being used (Darolutamide wasn’t an option for PCa then), Radiotherapy (RT) is much more accurate and with each new drug and technique, so life expectancy increases.

    The journey isn’t always easy but you have found this site and we will help you through each stage.  I would strongly suggest you don’t Google but use MacMillan, Prostate Cancer UK or this site for information.   If there are two pieces of advice I can offer your OH, they are - try and keep as fit and active as possible and stay positive.  Please feel free to ask any questions, best wishes, David

  • Great to know I turned up at my local cancer hospital 3 or 4 weeks back as a stage 3 diagnosis by urology only to be put at stage 4 by oncologist ,back at September 2nd ,hopefully psa in retreat and treatment plan in place .been a nervy couple of weeks 

  • Hi  a worrying time.  Hopefully your team will have a plan. Good luck on the 2nd. Best wishes, David