I am so 'lost' - where did my 'partner' go?

Good Afternoon AndyK 

Well that's a cry for help, so lets see what I can do for you - here's a few suggestions:

Hot Flushes - You have completed your Hormone Therapy last month - but the HT is still in your system and will stay with you for some time. The Hot Flushes will continue. I've been on HT for 28 months. At the start my Hot Flushes were bad but I started taking Holland & Barrett's Menoforce Sage tablets - 2 weeks later - no sweats (although the are starting to come back now!!).

Erectile issues - Again that the Hormone Therapy and again it will take time to get out of your system and it's possible that the "feelings" may not return. Your Hospital Oncology team should be able to refer you to your local "Sexual Health Clinic". As you've been through Prostate Cancer they know the script and they have plenty of "tools in the toolbox" to get you "Up and running" again, although don't expect a quick fix as the HT will need to fully exit your body.

Relationships - This is a hard one - your partner's feelings may have changed due to your cancer and she may need help just as you do. All I can suggest is to point you in the direction of:

* Our help line on 8080 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days). They are  great bunch and have access to plenty of resources.- please give them a call.

* Maggie's" Do you have a "Maggie's Centre" near you. This is a cancer charity who can give you help and support here - to find your nearest Maggie's 0300 123 1801 or https://www.maggies.org/

* There's Relate, the UK's largest provider of relationship support - www.relate.org.uk

You have taken the first step in the next part of your journey by posting today - I hope the above is of some help for you - if I can do anything else for you please let me know - we as a Community are here for you.

Best wishes - Brian. 

Thanks Brian. I'm visiting the next "Maggie's"  at my local site, but have little expectation of any sort of response from my partner - she's just logged out of any sort of sexual therapy with me. She won't talk about the problem, won't visit any therapy situations, won't engage in any sexual activity (with me) and I've tried (and failed..) to raise anything but I suspect she's found satisfaction elsewhere. She's out of the house for much of the week (very similar to my previous cheating spouse) and I'm beginning to wonder if our relationship is over...

Hello AndyK 

I am so sorry to read that - life goes on after cancer.

All I can say in that case is  - well you have tried. 

Get yourself sorted with the hot flushes, for your own mental health please ask your team for a review and appointment with the sexual health clinic - you will feel better in yourself for this.

Whatever happens in the future - I do hope you find everything you desire and you are able to move on with your life.

Best wishes - Brian.

Thanks Brian. I feel that I cannot do any more, at least without my partner by my side. She's so distant now and I've lost the will to chase her..

Hello AndyK,

I'm very sorry to hear of your problems, especially the situation with your partner, which is something you really don't need as you enter the recovery from treatment phase. As Millibob says, the erectile problems should start to sort themselves out, maybe with some extra professional help, over the coming months once the effects of Zoladex gradually wear off.

I can't offer any other suggestions from my own experience but just wanted to say everyone on this community, including me, will be behind you.

Hi AndyK .

I am so sorry that you have not had the support from your partner whilst you have been battling your own cancer journey. As a wife I have wanted to walk every step with my husband and know how important it is to maintain physical contact. I have been reading through your previous posts and see that you have been having a one sided relationship for a long time and maybe it is now YOUR time. You have been on a curative path and still have many years ahead of you. I have attached a link which might help you understand why sexless relationships can develop and how to deal with it, but I am not advocating membership, as the solution has to be sorted out between you and your partner.

https://mensgroup.com/how-deal-sexless-marriage-man/#:~:text=Apart%20from%20seeing%20a%20marriage,encouragement%2C%20support%2C%20and%20help.