Dad has prostate cancer- How to support him?

Thank you all for the replies. Your comments have reassured my fears about PC and the treatment. I have to ask my dad if he is also doing some HT.

I've also found the courage today to tell him that my contract at work ended and that I could only go back home for 1 week to be with him because I need to be here for interviews. He was alright actually, because I've been unemployed quite a few times in the last 4 years and he knows I was always able to find a job rather fast. In any other case I wouldn't really mind telling him this from the beginning, but because of his condition I didn't know how he will react. Sometimes he can become very anxious about things.

He said I don't need to go there and he will be alright. The doc told him that he would be OK driving after the RT and the whole therapy is OK. He said to do what I have to do first with getting a job and then we see. I said I feel sad if I'm not there while he will be on this, but he said it's OK don't worry. The cancer was found early. 

I felt a relief because all this time I didn't want to make him anxious thinking that here she is once again needing to find a job, but he took it OK. And also I thought that he would like me to be there, but he said it's OK if I don't go. 

I think me and my brother what we have in mind is the difficult months mom had to go through with the lung cancer which in reality actually it was bone cancer then moved to other areas as well. She had chemotherapy, and during the last months she needed oxygen support, she didn't even have strength to walk or use the bathroom. She was bad. That's why we are a bit panicky. She only lasted 9 months since her diagnosis. 

He doesn't speak English well to suggest this forum. But, it's actually a good idea to find him a similar forum so he can communicate with other people on this issue. 

You guys that had RT. Did the doctors tell you that other people shouldn't be in close proximity with you because of the radiation or something like that?

Hello Charlotte_T .

A warm welcome from a wife who has been supporting her husband through this for 4 years now and has seen hubby go through two different types of radiotherapy and chemotherapy so I can fully empathise with your fears for what dad might have to go through after watching your mum deal with her cancer. Let me reassure you that radiotherapy was definitely the easier options, it was just like laying on a 'sunbed' for a few minutes whilst the machine moved round. The main side effects were involved with making sure that the bowels emptied regularly and smoothly, plus that he continues to urinate properly. The radiologist are brilliant and will keep a close eye on dad, plus give him instructions on what to do each day to prepare for the session, plus they check how you are coping with it and if you have any questions or problems, as there is always an answer. There is also someone to contact by phone if he experiences any problems. The other thing a lot of men find is that they can become more tired towards the end of the course of treatment so dad may find that he needs to listen to his body and rest a bit more, but keeping active is important as well as drinking plenty of water. In answer to your question NO DAD WILL NOT BE RADIOACTIVE  and it is safe to be close to him.️

Hi Charlotte i lost my mum to lung cancer too and understand the awful time you went through seeing your mums brave battle with it and her struggles at the end it is heart breaking. but your dad is on a curative pathway with prostate cancer so though he may get a couple of side effects, they will be manageable and your dad will hopefully be better soon, take care

Eddie

Glad to hear that you have told your Dad and everyone seems happy with the situation.  Chemotherapy can be quite a bad experience so understand that you were worried and panicky

No-one ever told me that during radiotherapy other people couldn't be in close proximity to me.  I was only told that for a PET Scan my brother had brachytherapy and was told not to get too close to young children during a certain time but not with external beam radiotherapy that I have ever been aware of.  Is he having Radiotherapy or brachytherapy and radiotherapy?

From what he told me, he is just having radiotherapy.

We have had an argument recently with my dad about driving to the hospital. 

Two days ago he had a car accident. He was driving and the car went off the turn. Not sure what happened because when I asked my dad he raised his voice and didn't want to say many things. 

All I know is that he didn't got hurt and managed to get out of the car himself. The police and ambulance went there. It was a single carriage going through some fields lets say. Like not a place with houses etc.

Not sure if he is taking any medication and that affected his ability, but I'm now concerned how capable would he be driving to the hospital while doing the radiotherapy?

The radiotherapy is only local to the affected area, for 10 mins. Anyone who has gone through the same thing, where you driving to the hospital?

For him it will be a 30 min drive on a big dual carriage way road. I suggested a taxi, but he is concerened about money, but I'm more concerened about him and the other people on the road.

Hello Charlotte_T 

I am so sorry to read that - it's hard to tell some of us oldies anything - but your health comes before money, and a taxi sounds like a safe bet.

There could be a medication clash here - and both Hormone Therapy and Radiotherapy can bring on fatigue and driving at his age with fatigue isn't a good idea. It's not only that - it's parking at the hospital too!

* Are there any friends or relatives who can help with the transport?

* Is the hospital able to offer transport or is there public transport?

* It's possible our support line can help with this  - please give them a ring on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week).

* Would he be able to stay near the hospital?

I do hope you can sort something out.

Best wishes - Brian.

Just a little to ad to Brian's post, If you go to the hospital and talk to staff and patients, read notice boards and information leaflets if there is any help available you will find it, take care.

Eddie xx

Sorry to hear about your Dad's accident.  So glad to hear that no-one was injured and hopefully the car is not damaged too much.

I drove myself to and from the hospital for treatment the journey at least 30 mins sometimes 45 mins depending on traffic at the time. Some of this was on a busy motorway. I had to drive from where I was staying for the first two weeks through a major city and out on the motorway to the other side of the city.  For the second two weeks I stayed at a cancer self help Centre which offered accommodation for people having Cancer Treatment at the hospital which was even further away - more time on the motorway.   I was the same age as your Dad during treatment. From where I lived at the time I would have had a 3 hour one way drive to the hospital.  We went home at weekends driving home on Friday after my radiotherapy and driving back on the Monday morning before the next session.  However, I did have my wife sat next to me whilst driving and she could share the driving over the weekends and occasionally drive to and from the sessions if necessary.  We never just drove straight back from the radiotherapy session (apart from on Fridays) but took some time to have a lunch or visit friends and relax do some shopping or go to the cinema or theatre - it was quite enjoyable being able to get around a big city and we made the most of it.   Radiotherapy can make one more fatigued and if Dad is also having Hormone Therapy this can add to the mix and also give him mood swings.There is also the distraction of thinking about the cancer and the treatment and he could be having disturbed nights because of bladder or bowel problems whilst going through the radiotherapy - this can normally start about half way through the course of radiotherapy.  If he is having any bladder or bowel problems he should speak to his radiotherapy team at the hospital when he goes for the next session as they can prescribe medication to help. 

Is there no one living closer to him (friend or relative) who could just sit in the car with him and take over driving if need be?  Most of the men having radiotherapy with me either drove themselves in, used public transport, or used hospital transport. Your Dad could use hospital transport to and from the hospital which would pick him up at the door and drop him back at his door.  As far as I am aware there is no charge for this - there never used to be but things may be different in other areas and may have changed since I last had to use it.  If you feel this would be of use you should ring the hospital and ask how it is arranged there.

I also wonder if he is taking any medicatiion or if he has to use an enema or drinking his allotted measure of water for the radiotherapy before he leaves home.  I know some people who lived nearer the hospital who did this and it may mean he was rushing to try and get there on time or to go to the lavatory?  I never thought of doing that as there was always the possibility of getting stuck in traffic or being unable to find a parking space as the car park was always pretty full no matter what time we arrived there.  I always left in plenty of time to use the enema and drink my water at the hospital.  Yes, it  meant I spent more time at the hospital but I was not rushing or desperate to get to the lavatory when I got there.

Of course this is all very well but if your Dad is going to change his way of getting to the hospital you have to get him to accept it .  I know how difficult this is as had to encourage my 86 year old Dad to stop using his car as he was becoming confused and often getting lost even on local trips to the shops. You are effectively taking someone's independence away.

There is always the possibility that this has nothing to do with his cancer or treatment and just a minor lapse in concentration or something startled him and caused the accident.  This has happened to me on a road I knew really well and caused my only accident in 40+ years of driving all things from the largest HGV vehicles, buses to just ordinary cars.  In fact at the time I was still holding onto my HGV licence and having regular medicals so that I could retain it - though it was unlikely I would ever need to use it again. 

All the best

Yes absolutely this is where I found out about the cancer self help group that offered accomodation and also transport to the hospital I didn't use their transport as enjoyed my time in the city as stated and like being able to go where I wanted when i wanted).  No-one ever mentioned this and considering I had a 3 hour one way drive to the hospital from home I am surprised no one ever asked how I was going to get there.