Does anybody feel the same

Hi Mandy,

I really do hope you stay with the group as the people here are just lovely and “they get it”,it  doesn’t matter if we feel down, or angry, or need to vent, or sometimes need a wee laugh or just company where you can freely be yourself there is always someone here to lean on and yes I am pretty sure you will be there to cheer me up too! We all get bad days that overwhelm us and when it’s midnight or early morning or whenever and you can’t call and disturb family you can come here and get your feelings down and you will always get advice,or solace or ideas to move forward. It really makes all the difference just having people around you that have been through, or are going through the same anguish and the positive attitude and encouragement in this group is, for me, second to none. I wish you and your husband and all the best and I hope you keep us up to date.

Hugs and take care of yourself too Mandy

Linda

Thank you so much, since receiving the replies I have so far it does feel like the support I have been waiting over 2 years for. To which I am so grateful. 

I feel alot of anger, not just for what has happened but also for our children,  we'll no longer children but the pain they are going through too, I feel so stretched like everyone needs help and I give everything,  but after two years it's wearing me down beyond belief. I also have my husbands dad with cancer too, every bout of chemotherapy he is back in hospital.. couldn't really write this could you.

Thankyou again your words and support mean so much.

Hi Doris,

I understand your frustration and yes, cancer is rubbish and that is putting it lightly. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and it just gets overwhelming. I’m sure he doesn’t realise he is relating every detail to you but it’s just overwhelming for him.  Some guys cope by keeping it all to themselves and going quiet and can end up blocking everyone out and others need to talk it through and try and clear their head that must be fit to bursting.  Everyone has their own coping mechanism and neither is right or wrong. I would prefer they can talk it out and try and clear their mind than block me out and leave me out, it unfortunately affect you both as a couple but your doing the right thing to have a girls weekend or keep up with your own interests without feeling guilty, it’s just a way of recharging yourself and it helps you then regain your strength to help you both cope. We are only human and none of us saw this coming but I hope you feel better soon and get advice and ways forward from all the lovely people in here that have a wealth of knowledge and really care.

Take care

Linda

I can actually feel the pain in your words and i too just want it to stop. It feels like a hateful way to live life with someone you love and even after over two years is still not believable in a sense.

I am so sorry you feel this way, I had a day away and felt awful for doing this, only went to see a show with our daughter,  but I cannot and will not give up, those small breaks as they are gold as we have to be strong enough to endure the next event.

I think its the horrible knowledge we cannot do anything about the situation we find ourselves in apart from be there which as you know you can find yourself drowning with it.

There are times he keeps looking at me like I know what to say... nobody does, but I find myself bumbling through trying and that's all we can do.

Go to your GP, they put me through for counselling, I hope you can get the help and support you need.

Here if you need anything. 

Hi Mandyiow.

Unfortunately I think we can all empathize with the feeling of being worn down beyond belief dealing with one loved one with cancer but two must be so much worse. There is such a thing as Carer burnout where you get to the stage that you just cannot cope and it sounds as if you had reached that point yesterday. As Linda has said, coming onto somewhere like here and just venting gave you the release valve that you needed and you will always find a listening sympathetic ear from others who really get where you are at. I am so glad that you are already able to contribute to help others and together we will get the support that we all need.

Hi it's the Dr who referred me for therapy..just on waot list.  Big hugs to us all

Hello Dorisw - I have just read your post and am so sorry to read about how you feel - I do appreciate how a cancer in a man can affect his wife/partner - it's something we never bargained for.

I can't remember seeing any posts from you before and am unaware of your other half's diagnosis, however I am aware of his other cancer and fully understand how you feel - I know I am a man too - but the hormone treatment has had an effect on my emotions!!

You say you are awaiting counselling, may I suggest a few more ideas - you don't have to take them up but they may help.

* Do you have a "Maggies" near you - contact details are in my post on page 1 of this thread - they can give you plenty of support over a tea or coffee.

* How about joining our "Emotional Support" forum - again the link is on my post on page 1.

* For further emotional support - our helpline on 0808 808 00 00 - open 8am - 8pm 7 days a week, has some great people to chat to - they know all about your feelings when you live with a cancer patient. 

If none of the above work please come back to me - I have a couple of more suggestions for you and I know I can find the support you quite rightly need.

Don't forget the entire Community is here for you 24/7.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hello Dorisw

It's so tough isn't it?

You have EVERY right to to do something for yourself so please don't feel guilty about it!

I'm sure your partner would want you to "escape" sometimes.

As a cancer sufferer I know it's so easy to become self-obsessed with everything that's going on to the detriment of those around you, (without realising it!!)

Keep up with the help and support you are giving ,and remember - you are important too!

Best wishes and please stay in touch

Del 

A big hello to you, and so pleased you have reached out on here, you will not be alone. My husband is not a Great talker in saying how he feels at the best of times, and I have just had to accept this over the years and especially since he was diagnosed in April this year. I cope by knowing that I am checking up on him the background, making sure he has taken his tablets, taken his temperature and checking how he feels. I have found keeping a diary helps both of us. It is me that is constantly panicking as husband says he feels fine and there is nothing wrong with him. Don't bottle it up, we are all here for you.