New diagnosis for my dad

Hi Cake91,

I know it's hard for you and it would be handy to know the details, but your dad is maybe trying to process the information himself, he possibly doesn't know how to talk about it yet and could also be worried about your reaction so won't be able to cope with that as well?

You say he has just been diagnosed. maybe say to him that you are concerned and would like to be of help to him in anyway you can, but you understand he has a lot to process and when he feels able could he sit down with you and tell you what he knows. 

Prostate cancer is very common and theres probably nothing to worry about as normally it's a very slow growing cancer. There will be many options of treatment available to him. 

When he feels able to talk, ask him what his PSA and his Gleason score is and if he is having treatment, then you will be better placed to do some research. but most of all tell him you are here for him and if he needs help with navigating through his treatment or anything else you are available to help.

Let us know how you get on and once you know those figures there will be someone here to help with advice.

Best wishes to you and your dad

L

Hi Cake

If u can give us some more details we can help and advise and hopefully make things a bit easier for you

Details needed, PSA, last few if u have them, Gleeson score if he has had a biopsy, Results bof MRI scan.

Best wishes

Steve 

Hi

If he is anything like me, it will take a while for him to get his head around the diagnosis. 

The good thing is, he has told you, and because of this, I feel he will be more likely to tell you more in future. It would be a good idea if he takes someone - you maybe - with him to the numerous appointments he will have. The terms and steps he will face are scary and, if he is with someone, they can listen and understand more than he may be able to.

If he opens up and gives you his stats - PSA or staging- let us know and we can try and ease your mind.

Regards

Stuart

Hello Cake, sorry to hear about your Dad but he's so lucky to have you both as 'son' and as 'best mate'!  

In addition to what others have said and without wanting to add to your worries, could I gently alert you to the fact that now your Dad has been diagnosed, you could potentially be at increased risk of developing prostate cancer in the future. Therefore, as you get into your 40s (if not there already) can I suggest you start to have regular PSA (prostate specific antigen tests) so that, if you develop it you can access treatment etc sooner rather than later?

Also, if there is a strong family history of breast cancer and/or prostate cancer in your Dad's family then he might want to request genetic counselling? My husband has done this and we are awaiting results to pass on to our children.

I wish your Dad all the very best in his prostate cancer journey - there are a lot of us on it - wives tt!

Guys as much I appreciate you asking these things only a couple of you have said hell talk when he's ready so thank you ill update when he is ready  I spent the day with him today n he is acting like there is wrong. I cane for some advice about how to talk to him

Nothing is wrong**

Hi Cake91,

If this is becoming too much all you can do is tell him straight that you need to know what's happening as it's making you worry more not knowing. Most people that have a direct question aimed at them will answer. How did you find out he had cancer, did he tell you initially or someone else?

L

As far as I am aware as you are his child you can ask his GP for details of his diagnosis and with help about talking to him about his diagnosis.  So maybe you could try that  You need to know details of the diagnosis as does he so that you know what stage the diagnosis is at and possible treatment options  - this will make it easier to talk to him about it in an informative and knowledgeable way.  At present he is trying to process the information himself and may still be awaiting results of tests and scans so doesn't want to say much until he has the whole picture and he has got things clear in his own mind.  All you can do at present is be there for him and just talk to him about normal things until he has things straight in his own mind. I didn't talk to anyone other than my wife for the first 3 - 6 months when all the tests and scan results were coming in and the Multi disciplinary Team meetings at the hospital were going on.  It was just too much to do when things were changing all the time when different scan and test results were coming in to keep updating people so I left it until everything was known and the treatment plan was in place.   Now is the time for any male relatives such as his brothers and son's over 50 to start getting regular PSA tests (a simple blood test)  as they are a little more likely to get this now that a close male relative has been diagnosed - this may be a way you can talk to him about it saying something like Uncle so and so has decided to go and get a PSA test or something like that.  You cannot make someone talk to you about it and quite often if you try it stops them talking completely and they close up.  In the mean time try talking to the Prostate Cancer Specialist Nurses on 0800 074 8383 and tell them your situation they may be able to help.  The lines are open on Mon, Tue Thur Fri from 9am to 6pm  and on Wednesdays from 10am to 8pm.  My family and I had a great response from them and other cancer self help charities such as Tenovus - who called me every month for 3 years after diagnosis and through treatment.  If there is a Maggies Centre at the hospital this is also a great place to go to for help and advice and I am sure one of their counsellors will be able to help you talk to your Dad.

Remember that Prostate Cancer is slow growing so if your Dad has been diagnosed in the early stages then it is likely that he has many years still ahead of him.  How old is he by the way as this too can make a difference.  for your information I was diagnosed at 72 with Stage 2 possible Stage 3 Prostate Cancer:   PSA 13,  Gleason Score 7 (3+4) (the lower that first figure in the brackets the better) with T2 disease - this was up graded to possible T3 disease as at MRI the tumour could be seen to be pushing out of the back of the prostate and therefore they couldn't determine whether or not any minscule cancer cells had escaped outside the area and would have been too small to see on any Scans such as a PET Scan.  So, I had 9 months of Hormone Therapy an injection every 3 months and then a month of radiotherapy.  The radiotherapy was given so that any cells that could possibly have escaped the tumour would be caught up in the radiotherapy of  the area.  That was now nearly 8 years ago and I am as right as rain - just older with all that that entails.  To all intents and purposes i have been "cured" - though we can never really say that and every annual PSA check makes my wife worry like heck.  But 8 years on I think we can all pretty much breathe a sigh of relief.   My father died at 88 with prostate cancer but not of prostate cancer - he died from a heart attack brought on by pneumonia - the prostate cancer had not affected him and was not deemed advanced enough to merit treatment he was just having PSA tests every 6 months to monitor the situation - as I remember now his PSA never went that high and never made a significant  "jump" to warrant any worry about Prostate Cancer .  My brother was also diagnosed at about 71 and luckily the disease was caught at an earlier stage than mine had and he had brachytherapy and again 7 years on is alive and well enough to tell the tale.  Again, dare we say it a "cure"  My brother-in-law died of Prostate cancer at age 68 having been diagnosed after having a heart attack at 54 which caused his medical retirement and it was then in hospital he was given his first PSA test - which was very high indeed - in the hundreds 9at times during his years with prostate cancer it was in the thousands and it spread to his bones and brain in the last years.   His diagnosis was of Stage 4 advanced  Prostate Cancer but again with good care he had 13 years of a good life and for 10 of those years continued to visit the USA for long holidays driving a camper van across the States - and indeed survived another heart attack.

I am not telling you these things to scare you but to let you know that there is life after a Prostate Cancer Diagnosis which can be lived well and happily for some years so it doesn't mean that you are going to lose your Dad that soon - although of course this does depend on his actual diagnosis and all the details mentioned above so it is good to know them.  I do hope that your Dad has been diagnosed early and therefore there is every likelihood of  many, many more years for you and him together.  Don't forget that now any close male relatives (father, brothers, sons, grandsons) need to ensure they get their PSA checked regularly so that if they do get the disease then it can be treated early and "cured".  As you can imagine I am very worried for my two sons as all their close male relatives have had prostate cancer, their grandad, two Uncles - on both maternal and fraternal sides and their Mum and her sister also have had two different types of cancer - thyroid and ovarian with their Mum dying of ovarian cancer at age 57.  Luckily her little sister heeded this and her ovarian cancer was caught early and she is still here with us.

All the very best to you and your Dad you obviously have a good relationship with him so you are very lucky.