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He is a man of colour... orange  

Hi Sidsmum ,

My father-in-law suffered from Dementia for a number of years.

When he finally had to go into a care home, he believed that he had gone to work. He would manoeuvre through the corridors, looking as if he were cleaning the walls with a toothbrush. When we interrupted him for any reason, he would insist that we get out of his way so he could "get his money". 

After a lot of thought, my wife remembered that he had worked in a shoe factory on piecework. We tried to go along with his thoughts and did things like congratulation on the work done, encouragement that he would receive a bonus, telling him that the lunch bell had sounded, and generally entering into his idea of the world.

It seemed to calm him.

Maybe entering into his world helped him.

I know I hated it, but we had to keep going.

Perhaps entering into his illusion will help - perhaps trying things like telling him it is a special treat, that you made it as good as you can for him?

I don't really know, but given that it seemed to help my father-in-law, I thought I would let you know.

I hope this isn't the wrong thing.

Happy New Year from Scotland, lovely people.

My hope is that we all experience some good and hopeful things this year, especially in the area of health, and lots of kindnesses. My motto this year: 'become the kindness you seek'. 

My OH has been feeling rotten over the last week due to a mistaken change in medication before Christmas - a GP refusing to make a repeat prescription (GP changed his mind when the oncology consultant sent him a 'FGS do what I ask please' note) and a wrong diagnosis from a nurse following a pre-Christmas scan - hey ho......... so he's been very low and barely able to move from the sofa. Things hopefully will get better as meds settle down again.

Love to everyone this year, especially winging its way to all those who are struggling.

Jenny 

Many thanks for your response. Mum had dementia too and dad Alzheimers, two different diseases, presenting in very different ways.

The night before, we tried going along with his fantasies in the hope that the next morning he would have forgotten all about it and back in the real world. However, that backfired and gave him more ammunition against me. He told the carer that I had admitted tricking him, moving him and getting a company in to recreate a different house. Apparently I had taken him to another house, and then, after taking photos of our 'normal' place, paid this company to recreate it. So then he has formed the opinion that I am trying to drive him mad.

He also gets quite aggressive and even if I agree with him about a different house, he wants me to get all the deeds out of the safe (means climbing up and opening the safe) which I don't want to do at 7 at night. We have been trying all different ways in the hope of ending the delusion. As the name suggests, it is called sundowning, and does not help that I am tired and hard for me to think on my feet when I am trying to get him ready for bed, cooking a meal (we eat late) and light the fire at the end of a tiring day.

My mum used to think there were animals in her room, a cat sleeping on her head, ants and mice in the bed, and a squatter turning up each night and sleeping in the spare room. They were easier to cope with as we would pretend to check the room and say that he had at least been tidy and made the bed. 

He can be quite normal during the day though and you wold never know he had a problem. He is now obsessing about being able to drive again. There is no way he will be able to and we all know where he wants to go and what he wants to buy!!

We are not Weegies either we are right in the middle between Glasgow & Edinburgh 
Have a safe journey to Dufftown as it’s a beautiful area of Scotland . 
Beat wishes  to you and yours eddiel  xx

Hey Jenny28, 

hope your husband gets his proper medication and starts to feel better soon . We were also given FALSE HOPE. From a nurse in a Scottish Hospital . Feel free to private message me as I am currently doing something about his actions . 

love to you  both 

Liz & OH xxx

Jenny, what an amazing motto 

Jenny28 said:

'become the kindness you seek'. 

The doctor should look at your motto!  At least the Oncology consultant got him to change his mind.

Hope your OH starts to improve.  Take Care, both of you.

Hugest hugs Sidsmum ,

I worked with dementia suffers for 33 years and totally understand your delemma. I do hope you have a support network in place . 

 In relation to driving your GP  needs to be more proactive telling him he can’t drive ax the elderly still thinks  doctors as sacrosanct. 

hugs 

Liz & OH xxx

Thanks Liz. Funnily enough, before his stroke and dementia diagnosis, we had to ask the doctor for clearance for him to drive as his licence needed its three year renewal. He only just got clearance for the new one from the GP and then, of course, had a stroke. After any stroke, even a TIA, you are not allowed to drive for something like 4 - 6 weeks.

Thank you Linda, and a happy new year to you both too,