Feels like brother and sister

Hi sis62, read up your comments and understand the situation, I had my prostate removed 7 years ago and nerves were removed as well, I am in a position of not being able to achieve anything sexually, since then I haven't touched my wife, I feel totally inadequate and it's the most depressing thing going on in my mind, I would try almost anything to achieve satisfaction for my wife and me, it is soul destroying for your husband and you, but there is help talk to your hospital team or GP and get a vacumn pump on prescription,  don't force it on your husband , show him and leave it somewhere handy for him, it may take a while but your hubby will probably try it out secretly when you are not about, I had mine 5 years before using, but then I am in my 70's, also is your husband on hormone therapy, being on H/T for me was a blocker where I did not even think about sex for many years, it surpressed any thoughts of sex, I hope there is something in this message which is helpful, andy

Hi Sis62

I am in the same position as your husband - I literally have no interest whatsoever . My partner is an ex nurse ( not cancer) and understands. She said she is happy to wait for the Prostap to wear off. 

But maybe it won't. Maybe this is the new me. Maybe maybe maybe. Who knows.

Guess it's the price we pay for this terrible disease.

Not sure if this helps but at least you can see your husband isn't the only one affected.

Regards

Stuart

 Sorry to hear of your troubles. My wife and I stopped having sex when she had to have an emergency hysterectomy some 35 years ago. It was a traumatic time but we came through it and, with lots of kisses and cuddles, are still together celebrating our 51st anniversary in June this year.

I hope you manage to get through it too.

Hi Sis62,

I really do hope you sort things out between you. Once you can get talking about it to each other, then things will change for the better. From my point of view, as I was just diagnosed yesterday, your post has given me some hope that I can expect some 'movement' after if I opt for surgery. Good luck.

Hello,I hope you are bearing up as best you can..Can I ask what made him decide on the op over possible hormone treatment and/or radiation or did he not have an option ? Also what was his Gleason score? I can sympathise with you if you had an active sex life before the prostate cancer,usually having the op doesn't usually prevent being able to get an erection over time or was he on hormone therapy aswell ? I opted for the radiation and hormone treatment with hormone treatment for 6months prior to my radiotherapy and the hormone alone killed me off sexually then after radiation that finished me off sexually for good as viagra,levitra and cialis did nothing for me and I'm totally not bothered about sex ever again,luckily I've got an understanding partner who is also going through the menopause and isn't interested either,probablies not what you want to hear...

I think some sort of talking therapy would definitely help if you can get him to open up to whoever,I found talking to my Macmillan nurse was brilliant for me but she just told me what I already knew about no interest in sex and also not being able to have an erection at all...even if he only talks to his macmillan nurse would be a start,ive found that general GPs arent particularly interested moreso in the covid crisis,as they use that as an excuse to put off seeing people face to face anyway...

I think you definitely need to tell him how you feel though,yes he has had cancer but burying his head in the sand and not listening to you must be unbearable for you,there are many women who actually end up leaving their partners through the sex side of things so I think you somehow have to open up to him about your feelings as you must be feeling so unloved at the moment,hope you get back to me if you wanted to....but I think you will definitely have a few people on here that you can talk to  x

Defo don't go down the radiotherapy and or hormone route if u want any sort of sex life that involves an erection,the radiotherapy side effects are most apparent after 18months or so

Thanks for the lowdown Palmy.

Sorry, but I have to contradict Palmy5. I am two and a half years post RT and nearly six months since my last Prostap injection and have several erections every night. I still don't have any libido and, as I have explained in another thread, my wife and I haven't had sex for over 35 years. So all is not lost if you go down the HT/RT treatment path.

Lucky you,I personally know 7people who have the same problem as me and tbh what a waste of erections if you and your wife haven't had sex for 35years !!

Palmy5 Yes indeed!