Hiding my feelings about my dad’s prostate cancer because I want to keep him in a happy mood

BW

Hi and welcome, sorry about your situation.

It is well noted that partners and close family members can in some ways suffer more mentally than the patient.

Some of us men just carry on regardless, not   too sure if I am one of them, some on this site are incredibly positive and that is with advanced diagnosis.

But back to your situation, do u have any more info, ie, psa, Gleeson , MRI report.

Locally advanced can still be successfully treated.

You say that you can't talk to anyone about your feelings, do u not have a couple of close friends that would listen to your concerns/worries. Also consider some outside help like talking with a counsellor.

There are plenty of people on here that will help you so any questions or worries, post away.

All the best

Steve

You can yourself go to a cancer self help group like a Maggie's Centre where they can help you with all sorts of things it is not just for the person suffering from the cancer.  Goggle prostate cancer self help groups in your area and see if you can attend some of their gatherings.  My wife and I go to a Maggies prostate cancer group every Wednesday afternoon when we can.  Even 3 years out from radiotherapy with an undetectable PSA we find it helps me and others put things into perspective and it is so great to talk to people about their experiences along this way.

All the best

Des

Hi bookworm,

I have advanced prostrate cancer and a daughter with significant mental health issues. I myself struggled with work related depression.  What I learnt is it’s essential to talk, whilst I don’t want my daughter to dwell on my diagnosis or ignore it I’d also be concerned if she didn’t express her feelings at all.

My second daughter has been superb, mixing being open and supporting whilst acknowledging it’s a shit situation to be in.

Locally advanced can still be cured. Mine has spread to ribs, but this can still be managed, we can only take things day by day, it’s too overwhelming otherwise. Acknowledge your feelings, I’m sure it will also help your dad to acknowledge his, don’t dwell on the cancer, try and enjoy what you do have when you have it. 

Do you have a key worker for your mental health, if not speak to Macmillan or Maggies or even see if your local surgery can direct you to local support.

Hi Bookworm96

Strange name, you an avid reader, anyway I am the same as your dad, stage 4 have it in various bones around my body, plus I have plenty of other things going on, all sent to try me.

It is true that others family etc worry more than us sufferers, your frightened about every step we take asking how we are every time people see us, we are like you and other people, just because we have this awful disease we like to carry on as before.

What you experience is the thought of losing your dad, you’ve seen photos and clips of patients and you cannot visualise your dad like that.

your dad is right wanting you all to carry on as normal, I’ve had this three and a half years and hopefully I’ll be here another few years yet, so there is a long time before things get bad, so enjoy and have fun, if he’s like me I’am a bit of a easy going person, know my limitations but have fun when I can especially with my sister.

Take care

Joe

hi bookworm 

i have advanced metastatic P.C so classed as incurable ( gleason 9 5+4 ) 

been on hormone treatment now for a year , had chemo which ended in may last yr 

so been through most of what ur dad might have to face soon ( hopefully not )

the doctors hinting that things dont look gd ! is totally unhelpful as they cant know anything till he's had a scan imo i had no pain or symptoms and had spots on my spine/rib/pelvis and chest !!!

the one thing i have learned is that positivity is a great weapon in this fight , surround him with positivity dont treat him any different now than u did before 

leading a normal life and doing normal things are very important 

i have a gallows humour about my cancer it helps me cope definitely 

i know this is gonna be hard for you from what u've said , and its not just about him this effects you as much and as others have said there is help for you too out there 

i've started something called the JOE TIPPENS PROTOCOL  its an alternative cancer treatment and been using cannabis oil too for 6 months .

advanced P C is not a immediate death sentence like some cancers , stay strong and positive