How to cope with my husbands up and down mood!

Hello Grandchildren

Youve made a good move coming here and posting. I sorry to hear that you’re having a difficult time coping with your husbands mood swings. 

A cancer diagnosis is a difficult thing to have to accept, and the side effects of Hormone therapy doesn’t help. I’ve seen some very strong reactions to the drug and the diagnosis. Treatment follows a familiar path, but we all take our own journey on the way to treatment.

The waiting part of cancer treatment can be very wearing, especially mentally. You’ll have had all the notes, documents, appointments, and treatment plan, but no one can forewarn you of the mental burden that comes with a diagnosis

You’ve hit the nail on the head when you say his diagnosis affects you too. A diagnosis hits every one directly connected to those affected. It hit my family hard, and I’ve seen a few emotional meltdowns at home. My wife is angry about what has happened to us. 

As a suggestion, contact MacMillan here, or Prostrate cancer. They can give you great help over the phone. If you can, try to encourage your husband to post here. We’re a self help community who support each other. 

In the meantime I send you my best wishes, and hope I’ve been of some help. 

I agree with everything that flightsim says. All I would add is that it is important to keep busy, moping around at home, a definite no no, assuming that he has no mobility issues.

Encorage him to go for walks (obviously u can join him), go read the paper at the local coffee shop, try and do some light excercise if possible. If he is still working that should make it easier , if not perhaps start a new hobby.

Steve

Yes, all good advice from others on here.  Some men have little reaction to hormone treatment while others really struggle.  It is very hard to deal with and I for one know this only too well.

After radiotherapy and continuing with 'orrible 'ormone treatment, I went from being me to clinically depressed within 6 months.  This affected my wife really badly as I was in my own little world with no care or thought for others.  At the time, I had no idea the effect this was having on my family.  Shouting at me, arguing with me, falling out with me made absolutely no difference.  I was isolated from others feelings.  My wife insisted I went to the doc's for pills and while he prescribed them, I only took them for a short time as they had their own side effects.  As you can see, this is a downward spiral. 

It will be hard sometimes and you will think, 'I can't go on like this' but you will, you have to because eventually he will get through the treatment and out the other side where he will slowly return to where he used to be.  I insisted on stopping the 'orrible 'ormones after 2 years because of these awful side effects.  I should have been on them for 3 years.  As I came to realise the effect I was having on my wife, I made this decision.  Within 6 months of stopping, I have returned to almost as good as was.  So there is an ending, it just seems so far away where you are. 

My advice is not to argue or cause a scene if you can hold yourself back.  Try to let him get the immediate problem off his chest then quietly give him a hug, hold him or just his hand.  Tell him you love him and will support him as best you can.  Show him this page and the help others who have been through this are giving and ask him to post for himself.  As the advert used to say, 'Its good to talk'    

Regards

P.S. you can see the journey others have been on simply by clicking their username. 

P.P.S. remember this is a very slow growing version of the disease and must not be considered alongside the big players like pancreatic or lung cancer.  With modern treatments life expectancy can easily be 15+ years and in some cases a cure.  Make sure he realises this.

Hi Grandchildren.

Sorry to hear of your husband's reaction to hormone treatment. Don't forget that HT is an artificially induced male menopause and the side effects are very similar to those in women. I have been taking evening primrose oil since first starting HT and have found it helps quite a lot. However, four weeks ago (just before starting 20 sessions of RT) I was a total emotional wreck. At the first review clinic after the first week of RT I was advised to try sage leaves as well. That has worked wonders and I am now much more stable. I take one 1500mg evening primrose oil capsule and one sage leaves capsule twice a day after breakfast and dinner. Both are available from most health food shops (I use Holland & Barrett).

I only have three sessions of RT left to go and then I'll be back home and hoping to get back to a normal life as soon as possible.

Hi Grandchildren

There has been some good advice given to you, hope your husband can read some of the blogs, hormone therapy affects everyone differently, same as chemo and RT, he is just unlucky, it may were off in time as he gets used to it.

First remember you can talk to us at any time about anything we've all been through what he is going through, it's good it's not got into his bones, what was psa and Gleason and did they say what stage he has ?

It is very difficult for the person and the family especially wives who can see what the person they love is going through, I know it's heart breaking, my wife who is my carer is constantly stressed out and worried about every hospital and doctors visit me being me I make light of it, even though I know it's incurable been battling it for 32 months now, my emotions jump up and down same as my wife once you understand all the treatments and how people are doing their best then things get slightly better.

once he has finished the RT then things may well change.

Take care

Joe

Thank you for replying to me I have found all that you said very helpful. 

The hormone treatment is a bugger!  Mood swings, fatigue, muscle wastage.  The only good thing for me was some hair grew back - unfortunately now off hormone treatment my thatch is not so luxurious again!  If there is a Maggies Cancer Centre or something similar near you then go along there.  Your husband doesn't have to go you can go on your own and talk to people there.  Our centre has a prostate cancer group called the walnut club which meets every Wednesday.  Wives/carers come along and either talk amongst themselves or have a grumble and once a month they have a more structured meeting where one of the professionals talks to them.  I would also get onto the Prostate Cancer UK website and look at their Prostate Cancer Toolkit pamphlets which give some good information for you both at this stage as do all their other pamphlets - I seem to remember that there is a pamphlet for carers too.  You can also call their helpline manned by specialist cancer nurses. 

Also, whenever you like come here and there will usually be someone here who can give you some good advice or just listen to you.

All the best

Des

Hi. your story sounds almost identical to mine.

husband diagnosed late Nov and started hormone therapy early December. waited all over Xmas to learn the extent...he is now just finished 4th chemo of 6

PSA was nearly 300...down to 10 so still a way to go, but improving slowly. 

Mood swings are to be expected, I'm just trying to keep calm and let him vent when he needs to. I cannot imagine how he is Feeling so just trying to support when possible.

I tried to find an outlet, so i started running..it gives me some time alone with my thoughts and really does help. maybe try to find something for you to focus on wife you get some 'you' time 

all the best x

Hi Your story is familiar to me as well.My husband was diagnosed January 2018 he has had chemo and has been on hormone therapy from the start. I know how you feel it is hard at times to cope with. We have actually started counselling through Macmillan which hopefully will help as my husband doesn’t want to go or do anything at times. We have to take into account that really we don’t know what is going through their heads or how they are feeling having to endure the awful side affects of the the treatment for this terrible disease. At the end of the day I will tolerate the best I can as long as he is still here with us.Just try and stay strong and take each day at a time this forum has been a lifeline for me.Take Care.

Hi Ladies,

Your experiences are not uncommon, unfortunately.  This is mainly down to the loss of testosterone with a good dose of fatigue thrown in.  I really struggled during my 2 years worth of hormone therapy.  I have always been (rightly or wrongly) a direct person and when I heard about people jumping off Beachy Head for example, I really could not have cared less. 

Once the hormones kicked in, everything changed.  I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and the GP prescribed pills to combat the effects.  I had just got married to my long term partner and treated her abysmally reducing her to tears for no reason at all.  I wanted her to leave but she patiently struggled through this episode.  We went on holiday to the south coast to get away and actually went to Beachy Head.  Standing at the edge, it looked so easy to step right off.  Despite a fear of heights, at this time there were none.

For me, I doubt counselling would have worked as I was so down I could not be bothered with any of it.  Being prescribed a drug to combat the depression was the only fix and slowly things improved.  My 3 year plan for hormone therapy was reduced to 2 years and immediately after stopping I slowly returned to normal.  

My advice is to hang on in there and the anger, resentment and hurt is not knowingly directed at you.  View this as a separate illness that needs to be treated until the therapy finishes.  Believe me, once it is over, it does all get better again and time is a great healer.

Regards