Another biopsy and results from two cores

Unload away, you’ve picked the right place. Getting the full picture is never easy nor quick. The gloom that persists while data is analysed is ever present and this is a safe place to shout about your worries.

The fact that this is a couples disease explains how the treatments affect both in the relationship. Please give yourself a break and ask questions until you are satisfied with what’s going on.

We are all so different in body that no two pathways are exactly the same but we all suffer from mental stress.

This stress causes the quietness and leads to anxiety about every little thing that has now changed because of the cancer, but the masculinity issues are the pits. It takes time to come to terms with a forced changes.

Hang in there and use the forum to help you get through the bad days with all the support you’ll need to get by. But take it a day at a time, there’s no rush.

Reach out when you like, we are here.

Hi worried wife 78 - I've just looked at his statistics in the bio.  Looks like a straightforward case and that’s why the consultant is quietly going through his diagnosis with the second biopsy. He’s probably looking for confirmation of Gleason 3-4 or 4-3 (the most likely, given his PSA).  If he’s had groin pain for 7 years, it is unlikely to be related to prostate cancer, as pain usually materialises much later in cancer progression. I know it’s easy for me to say, but try to blow away that black cloud : I would be very surprised if he’s not diagnosed with a prognosis of curable prostate cancer.  It’s difficult to find, but the first biopsy was cut short, so they will have had a really good rummage around on the second one with GA!  He’s comparatively young, so that’s why the urologist is pushing for surgery. If you go that way, ask about nerve sparing: you’re both too young to lose a good quality sex life.   But make sure that you speak to an oncologist.  If there’s any chance of spread to local nodes / pelvis, then radiotherapy may be a much better option.  Check out my bio: I was PSA 11, then 13, with some aggressive features.  I opted for radiotherapy (aka we threw the kitchen sink at it”!) - I’m pretty much back to normal 2 years later after initial MRI (testosterone returning, but libido not fully restored yet - so I’m patiently waiting for my second teenage life!).  PSA undetectable.  There’s hope and much to look forward to for you both - stick with it - my gut feeling is that this will all be in your “rear view mirror” with today’s excellent health care and advanced treatments.   AW

From one worried wife to another!  Carry on offloading! This is a safe and anonymous place to do it with people who understand what both of you are going through! It’s also a place of hope and reassurance!

It is now 3 years since my husband’ s MRI scan which confirmed that his rising PSA was most likely to be due to prostate cancer and our nightmare began. The hardest part for us was the journey through the diagnostic pathway . We felt a total loss of control of our lives and the uncertainty played havoc with our mental health. All I can advise is hang on in there, get all the info you need, challenge ( politely but assertively) your medical team with questions and about any shortcomings in care and rest assured that things really do improve once you have the full diagnosis and treatment plan. For us, we ‘knew where we were going’ so to speak.

re the groin pain. This could be due to problems totally disconnected with PC. Eg, I obviously don’t have a prostate but get groin pain from temperamental sacral ileac joints after any strenuous gardening! ) it’s worth mentioning to your husbands doctors but the MRI will, I think, have shown up abdominal lymph nodes spread. He is very likely to be sent for a bone scan, PSMA scan or ct scan once the Gleason score from the biopsy is determined. This will show up secondaries of concern.( I’m not a medical doctor!) 

Re your husband’s quietness. He is facing some major life jolts! He’s received a cancer diagnosis but doesn’t know the full picture. ‘Cancer’ is a scary word for all of us and it brings into play questions about our mortality, our future and about what treatment and its side effects will bring. It makes us reliant on an NHS with which we have lost a lot of confidence. It is a ‘couples disease’ so your husband might be trying to protect you from some of his darkest thoughts and fears whilst, at the same time, trying to work through what is happening to his body. Then, too, he is finishing work. He’s losing so much right now - his identity in the workplace, his health, his plans for the future, his confidence in his body and , potentially, the most masculine of functions.

My husband also took it ‘quietly’ and refused to talk about things and about three months in , he suddenly exploded! We were then able to talk things through as and when he was ready. Until then, I had to deal with all the practical stuff, talk to him , support him and hope he would ‘come back’ mentally from wherever he had gone. My reaction was one of absolute fear and anxiety and unstoppable floods of tears - even now I worry and I’m more tearful than I ever used to be! I can see something seemingly quite mundane on tv and the tears start! A cancer diagnosis seems to change everyone affected and it’s not just a short term change!

So, my message is that you will get through this but, just as with other life events (eg child birth, marriage, house or job move, redundancy death in the family etc) things will change and settle into a new norm. Please take comfort from the fact that you are not alone in this. Everyone here understands what is happening for you both! And, most importantly, life does go (on despite PC ) and can still be enjoyed and lived to the full

x

I'd like to offer my best wishes to all and sundry - I feel inadequate just doing that, but it's the best I can offer.

But what I will say is that cancer, so long as it's found early on and kept under control, isn't the out-and-out killer that it used to be.

I first was found to have cancer back in early 2022 and it's returned in 2025, the year that I turned 80.  But my doctor and those I've spoken to at the hospital, all tend to offer lots of optimism.

My cardiac surgeon is expecting me back to have my aortic valve replaced within the next few years and he's confident that he'll see me.

There's no reason at all why anyone needs to sink into a black hole nowadays over cancer.  To me, it's no more than an inconvenience and I'm carrying on all my usual activities and enjoying them too. 

I've a number of projects underway (I write as a hobby) that may not be completed for 4-5 years.  Perhaps I'm being optimistic about surviving that long considering that I have COPD and diabetes too, but, as my surgeon says, "You'll eventually die WITH the cancer, not FROM it."

Turn the other cheek and let the doctors do the worrying, not you.

Cheers

Chris

Thank you.  I am expecting them to find a 4 in there too. My husband said he definitely felt as if they had a good rummage around.  I am holding on to what you said about it being in the rear view mirror, it definitely feels as if we are driving very slowly towards something unknown and a bit scary.  Thank you again x

It feels so comforting to read this.  I have realised that as soon as we say the word cancer to anyone, they get this look on their face and I just don’t want to go there, so I feel safe on here and not so alone.  I am hoping that anything sinister in the groin would have or at least might have shown up in the mri and I’m sure I remember the urologist saying it was still contained within the prostate.  Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it x

Thank you.  I have found comfort and honesty on this forum. I would say his biggest concern that I have managed to get out of my husband is losing his masculinity, he began talking and then closed up quite quickly, but I know that’s what is on his mind.  Mine is more about keeping him alive and healthy, everything else can be overcome with time I think x

I like that, let the doctors do the worrying for us.  It has felt that it was something i could make better if I constantly obsessed, worried, thought about, under the guise of research ! Thank you, I really appreciate the response x

Chris, I landed in the midst of replies to another post (which I will read) but wanted to thank you for the tear of relief I just shed. At 66, I've just experienced my first biopsy. By bedtime yesterday, I felt damn sorry for myself.

Today is better.

Thank you.

Chris

Hi Odd Man In - I was 66 when diagnosed and I know EXACTLY how you felt / feel. You will adjust and accept in time, and proportion will return.  Even though my PSA is currently classed as undetectable (and I’ve been off HT for 7 months, so testosterone is returning), I know that I will eventually die with, not of, Prostate cancer, with cells knocking about somewhere in my body.  But, importantly, I don’t spend time worrying about it.  I fly to the Alps on Tuesday for another month of hiking with Mrs AW (2 weeks leading clients and 2 weeks just the two of us).  Life is great.  Live it to the full.   AW