LH level <0.1, Serum test for testosterone 0.7

Absolutely no response to Cialis! Over the past week, she's spent as much time away from me as she can - even the usual 1.5 hour shopping trip took nearly 5 hours... I give up - if she wants me out, I'm gone!

Tried Viagra, with a big NIL result. Also tried a pump, then a pump with rings, and the net result was a total inability to establish an erection and certainty that I couldn't achieve penetration - let alone that my size has decreased from a fairly normal 6" to something barely resembling a large pimple.

If I had been castrated, there would be an almost specific Oh Bugger reaction from me. But 'No' I should be "returning to normal" - but I'm not! I tried cuddling up with the OH, sexual stroking and kissing - even oral sex (me on her...) but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - no movement whatsoever! She's advised me of my "Failure" and her disaffection. I would go and leave her with her 'new' partner, but I can't afford the disruption or cost for my failure, so I'm going to sit here until she demands that I leave - then I'm totally on my own

Hi Andy, I’m really sad to read of your ongoing distress. I have 2 thoughts but I hope you won’t be offended. I am posting them from both a wife’s point of view and from an outsider position.

1. if her sexual gratification is the only thing that has kept your relationship going, then that is not a solid foundation for any continuing  relationship. There are many wives and partners here who are successfully working around the ED difficulties due to their love, respect, memories of happier times and concern for their loved ones

2. Why do you have to be the one to move out? You want to keep the relationship going , she is the one who has found another partner! ( I may be missing something here?)

It has been suggested that you seek relationship counselling as a couple. I am also wondering if you need legal advice and much more support in the ED matter from your medical team? I wonder whether the failure of all the devices and drugs etc are not helping because of the difficulties in your relationship with your partner?

we have been told that it can take 5-6 months for the side effects of the ht to wear off. Others here have previously said that it can take the same length of time to wear of as the amount of time you were taking HT?

HTH and hope your situation improves.

Well, I tried... She doesn't think there is a problem! As for seeking relationship counselling, "No, there's not a problem!" and "why would I want sex? We're over 75 years old...". Her body language says something different !!! - I'm sure she's seeing someone else.

I just can't process why she is so cold, apart from the fact that she spends most of the week out of the house, away from me. And she returns to the house, bubbling with excitement about her friends and how they make her feel. Does she care how I feel - obviously not!

Recent tests indicate that I'm still at Testosterone castration level 6 months on from  24 months of hormone treatment and it doesn't seem to be improving, so I'm still shrinking and certainly am no longer 'big enough' to achieve penetration.

I'm losing everything that I ever cared for, and she doesn't seem to be bothered at all. I get perhaps one kiss a day and, if I'm lucky, a cuddle at night - but absolutely no intimacy...

I've been talking to my GP for some weeks now, lots of blood tests and the only ABNORMAL results are Testosterone and Serum LH levels - far below where they should be at my stage of 'recovery'. I've now got to have a bone density scan and am scheduled for an Endocrinology appointment, which I'm not permitted to attend...?

This is so wrong - why can't I attend a scheduled appointment that affects my health?

Hello Andy, you describe a situation my husband has experienced. As I understood it, the multi disciplinary team (MDT) meet to discuss the diagnostic results etc and decide the next steps. However, like you , I challenge this! What’s happened to the NHS mantra of ‘no decision about me without me’? 

in my husband’s case he received a letter with an appointment for a scan and told he would not see a doctor - just a technician ( not a prostate cancer related problem). The letter said that the dr would review the results and then either phone or write to him with the plan.

i was livid! I took the letter to his next appointment and told the consultant this was not acceptable. He apologised and said it was the first time he had seen the letter!

I feel sorry for the pressures that frontline NHS staff face - have been there, done that and got the t shirt. However, I feel very strongly that a consultation works both ways and is a partnership of patient and doctor. The doctor brings medical knowledge and the patient is the expert of his own body. 

good luck!

Hi Andyk,

we also asked to attend the MDM. meeting but it was a blunt NO. We took ourselves to the local Maggie Centre and to be totally honest we gained more information from a lovely councillor. She had encouraged us to tell the Oncologist that if at any point a meeting is held about my OH. We want to be there . Please keep in touch with this fantastic bunch as they have certainly helped me and my husband a lot since he was diagnosed in March . Take care 

Liz & OH 

XX

So, that's 3 of us coming up against this decision making process without patient input. Is this something about which MacMillan is aware and is there anything they can do about it, Brian?

Hello Worriedwife 

Worriedwife said:

Is this something about which MacMillan is aware and is there anything they can do about it, Brian?

The best I can do for you here is pass your comments up the chain of command at my next monthly Champions meeting later this month. At the moment this is the only reference I can find to MDT meetings-

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../your-multidisciplinary-team-mdt

I do have the odd drink or two with a gentleman involved in MDT meetings and this subject did come up a few years ago - in my case BC (Before Cancer) He said to our group - we make our treatment decisions based on clinical evidence and the patients best interests. It's not the place for unqualified individuals to argue their case. They can object to the meeting's choice of treatment when their care plan is discussed with them AFTER the meeting, otherwise we would never get sorted.

Best wishes - Brian.