Decision Time Soon - Massive Fear

John (JPMJIG ) I am sorry but I can’t take your fear away.  You have received news that none of us on here wanted to have, but we have all been through it.  Although it is definitely not what you wanted, I can assure you I would take a curative option over a non curative one!  You are faced with two options and both have risks, but both have the potential word ‘curative’ so try and hang onto that.  I suggest you write down the options and then under each, list the pros and cons.  I think that might help you make a decision.  Don’t rush into anything and ask any questions if you want help from us.  Take care, David

Hello John.

Now that you are starting to read round the subject it is time to sort out what is important to you personally. Do you want the faster option with surgery or the slower option with the HT and radiotherapy. Then list the main possible side effects of each option and prioritise the ones you feel you could live with against those which would have a problem with. This might then start to direct you towards a particular treatment pathway. It will also help to get a list of questions together for each of the specialists.

What I did was ask the experts what course of action they would recommend if a loved one had the same particular statistics. It makes them think of you as a person and not just as a statistic.

Hello John, sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I’m afraid this journey you are on is not easy in the first weeks and months. But…. You are now working towards receiving different options for your treatment. The decision is very personal if you have the option between surgery or radiotherapy and hormone therapy. Some men seem to know immediately which they prefer and others take a while to decide. But … this is yours to take control of!  Nobody can do anything to your body without your informed consent :) That’s enshrined in law!

so, I would advise reading the prostate cancer uk leaflets ( www.prostatecanceruk.org) about the treatment options. Note down all your questions to take to your appointments. I would also recommend taking someone with you to the appointments because you are likely to forget some of what the specialists say.

i would also advise looking at these appointments as a bonus as you seem likely to be able to make choices for yourself. Some men find their cancer advanced and have much less choices.

failing all of these, I would advise putting prostate cancer out of your mind! We made a determined effort to get on with life despite the cancer! It lurks there but we refuse to let it take over our lives! Instead, we do all we can to enjoy life as best we can. In particular, I value my husbands presence even more than before! He’s had his treatment, he’s here beside me , he stands a chance of cure…. For all of that I am just very grateful and PC can take a running jump!

I hope you feel better soon. :)

Hi John,

I understand your fear and anxiety and as David2017  said we cannot take it away.

You are lucky and you may not see it this way. I wish we had a choice of curative  pathway but this is not the case with us and with many many other men here who are so bravely carry on with their life knowing that they will never be cured and they will never see their love ones in few years time.  You are also lucky as your appointments are coming really fast when other people here had to wait months to meet their consultants. You are also very lucky, you said in a previous post that your wife is very supportive and there are men here who have to carry all this alone. 

I wish you all the best in your treatments and hopefully you will soon update us that you feel much better.

Lots of love

Dafna

Hi J

I am sorry to hear about your understandable anxiety but this is quite an easy one for you to decide.

I think that you are better off with HT and RT mainly because you are a T3 but also a lot easier to deal with than surgery , no major op, no catheter, no major side effect issues particularly ED and urinary. Obviously u can get some side effects  with RT but they tend to go away after treatment finishes.

I have to say this is only my opinion and doesn't make it right but it does sound like u need something less stressful in terms of treatment

Best regards

Steve

Hi JPMJIG.

Hi John.

I'm very sorry to hear about your current fears concerns I do hope that I was able to take these away from you.

From personal experience I wish like many that I had the curative pathway but unfortunately mine is non curative (Terminal)

I have a number of family members (Brother & Uncle) who were lucky enough to take the curative pathway and are now fully cured and living well.

Please please take your time to think long and hard about your current options and take the help and support from the members of this forum.

You have the option of speaking to the Macmillan Nurses on this site to help and support you so pleased reach out to them if required???

Prostate Worrier.

Hi John,

I am sorry but I don't think that anyone can take away the fear and anxiety.

My own time immediately after diagnosis was pretty bad too, but not, I think, as bad as yours.

As I have moved on, most of this ebbed away.

Given the options you have been given, and the input of our friends here, I think we can say that the probability is that you will get through this physically.

You may just (just!) be overwhelmed.

You can do a couple of things about this.

Deep breathing exercises WILL help. They can make your mind slow right down, and even reduce your blood pressure.

If you can reduce the level of anxiety your body is feeling, then you will be able to clear your mind enough for a decision to make itself. David2017 's idea of separating things into pros and cons in a written form is likely to be the most effective way forward, as I think that you will find that the decision will make itself.

You haven't mentioned (as far as I could find, and I apologise if I have not noticed this) if anyone is helping you with this. You really need someone to come with you to the meetings, to notice the things that you don't.

Another thought has occurred to me that I approach with some trepidation. 

Are you going through other things as well as this diagnosis?

In my own case, I am quite good at dealing with stuff until one last thing comes along - the straw that breaks the camel's back. Then I have an experience just like yours.

It is hard to deal with this. However, I have found that, if many things happen together, and if I can deal with one thing completely, the pressure seems to ease very quickly, and sometimes completely, on them all.

Pick on one thing you can fix.

Fix it.

If that is not enough, get as close as you can to fixing another.

Keep a journal - write down the things that bother you. Actually, write them down, or type them into a computer, or a phone, or a tablet.

Write down your thoughts.

Then, write down your thoughts about your thoughts. Gradually, these things will come into line.

Eventually, you will decide what you actually NEED.

Then, the decisions will make themselves.

An example - you decide that you want to be cured.

In that case, both the courses of treatment you're discussing offer good possibilities of that.

So, do you want it all over with quickly, or are prepared to take time to allow a different process to achieve what you want.

You keep going until you win through.

All of this makes no difference to one thing. For all of us affected in this way, at some point we usually decide to endure. Over time, that decision to endure is your cure.

I hope you can reach it soon.

Thank you David 

Thank you AH. Much appreciated and I will take heed of the last paragraph which is sound. Thank you x

Thank for your kind advice and guidance. Lovely words like others with their replies. I am determined to get through this. I’m just finding it very hard. My warmest wishes to your husband for his continued recovery x