Newly Diagnosed. Upset, angry and terrified

Hi JP…

im so sorry you anxiety is so bad but I do understand. 

I hope this helps ..

When I asked about my husbands bone scan and likelihood of bone mets being found I was told with his PSA of 5.6 it was very unlikely and he would of had more chance than you as he’s a Gleeson 9. 

If you could speak to one of the specialist nurses I’m sure they will give you some confidence about the way forward it certainly helped us, and as others have said all looks very promising from your stats. 

A 

Good morning John JPMJIG .

Just to say that we are all thinking of you for your CT scan today. You have had many replies from strangers who care because we all understand the fears and dread during the first few days and weeks of being told you have cancer. Your wife probably has all the same fears but also, from a personal point of view, there was the additional fear of what was life going to be like without my other half, so make sure that she gets support if she needs or wants it. This is very much a couples disease and you both need to be strong to fight it, but you will find the strength, and for many of us we find we get to the other side as stronger better people both individually and as a couple.

I don't know if you have been given any guidance on having a CT scan but generally it is advised not to eat for 4 hours before hand and only drink clear liquids. You may or may not be be given a contrast and the time for the procedure will be determined by this, between 15 minutes and 1hr 15 minutes. You will have to remove anything metal so it is a good idea to wear lose clothing that doesn't need a belt or have metal bits on it. The technicians are usually brilliant and will be able to see you throughout the procedure and will ask you to hold your breath at certain times, but staying still is important during it. They will not be in the room with you but can hear everything that is going on so you can speak to them if you need to. Afterwards it is a good idea to drink plenty of fluids to flush the contrast out of your system if you have had it.

Many hospitals have Maggie's centres where anyone affected by cancer can pop in for a cuppa and a talk if you want to - they are there for the whole family. They can point you to support groups in your area so maybe an idea to look them up whilst you are at the hospital today? I have attached a link for you to check whether you have a centre near you. 

https://www.maggies.org/our-centres/

There are a lot of people who are giving you a virtual hand and hug today so please come back and let us know how you get on.

Thank you so much AH. I haven’t had a chance to thank everyone personally who has taken the time and caring action to reply. I can’t thank you and all of them enough. I cannot believe it’s happening to me. My wife is so supportive but I know it’s impacting her greatly as well. Despite the help from all these lovely people on here, I fell so, so alone. So vulnerable. I can’t feel positive. Just deep fears of doom and gloom, thinking I’m going to get the worst news. It’s awful. There is a Maggies at my hospital. I will pop in. I’m terrified. I now think I’m going to die soon. My daughter gets married in October. It’s a very bad time as you and all on this forum know. Dreadful. Hard to stay strong. 

Hi John.

I have just read your post out to my husband who also struggles with the same fears occasionally even now after 4 years. The feelings come upon him for no rhyme or reason, can last a few days and then suddenly disappear - usually when the next round of scans and blood tests come near. You are definitely not alone.

You have a wonderful target to keep yourself as well as possible for your daughter's wedding and am positive that you will have many years to possibly see the arrival of more grandchildren.

It is almost impossible to stay strong.

The fact that you have been offered a choice of therapies is, in itself, significant and positive.

That is not likely to matter to you yet, though, because you are in a stage where even thinking about it is bad.

If you are like me, then first thing in the morning, when you have to face it all over again, is pretty bad.

We can all quote statistics at you, saying that the odds are in your favour, speak of 5 year, 10 year and 15 year survival rates, and none of them will help much.

You want someone to say it will be 100% alright, and no one can say that.

I have now reached the stage where I know that, in the short to medium term at least, there is a higher chance of my driving getting me than this illness.

It doesn't mean that there aren't times when it all threatens to overwhelm me.

What I do is concentrate on the small things which make life worth living right at that moment.

Often, I get angry at the illness and at my own reactions.

Anger, I find is better than depression.

These, as well as researching the illness and this forum, full of people who have already beaten the odds and are still going, lift me, at least for a while.

Your road might be the same, or it might be wholly different.

I find that trying to help other people is one of the things that opens me up to the world.

Start easily, say thank you, a lot. Wish people a good day. 

Find your way out, because it does exist.

John (JPMJIG ), I so remember the first conversation with my GP with suspected cancer. Then the PSA result of 74 seemed like a death sentence. After my biopsy I was told it was incurable. The oncologist gave me 5 years and in my mind I didn’t think I would make the next Christmas!  I spent time planning my funeral. 
In the 7 years since that diagnosis i have come to terms with cancer. I will do what I can, while I can to beat it. Yes it will probably get me at some time but we have had a great life while on this journey. 
Your current diagnosis isn’t anywhere near as bad as many of the others who have replied to you. We all agree we don’t want to have cancer, but our lives have been enhanced by having it. 
Take each day as it comes and worry about things that you have an influence over. Get as fit as you can. Have a good diet. Look forward to your daughters wedding and if in time you get grandkids, enjoy them too. 
All the best to you both. David

CT scan just done. In and out in 20 mins. They did my chest, abdomen and pelvic area. Glad it’s over. Very scared about hearing results and potentially bad news. I’m not sure how I’ll take any bad news. I’m in a bad enough state as it is. Thank you to you all for all your kind replies and encouragement. This forum is so special 

Perhaps only one thing I can say to, or for, you.

You said "potentially bad news." and that was exactly how I felt.

It seemed to me that the news coluld only be bad.

Not for one moment did I think "it could be good news".

In my case it was part and part.

The CT scan confirmed what I already knew.

The Bone scan was clear.

This meant that the cancer was local and things could be done.

What I didn't really grasp was that even if it had been bad news there were things that could be done.

It's only since I really started reading on this group that I realised how many people with much more significant problems than me are still able to be full of hope.

Not just this illness, but most cancers, are edging closer to treatments that will keep people alive for the very long term, even if they can't be cured.

Things can be done. You can be helped. You are, in this group, in contact with people for whom this is obviously true.

Hi John,very sorry it’s not good news and everything will be a whirlwind in your head right now,stay as strong as you can though it’s not easy xxx

Good that this hoop has now been jumped through. I cried when we got my husband's bone scan results - tears of relief because it was clear! I would have cried if it had been bad news too!  I guess it's therefore better to understand exactly what our feelings are?

Event (bad news) > emotion (fear)  > body response (adrenalin rush) > feeling the emotion (fight, fright or flight) > expressing the emotion (tears, shaking, running away, panic). 

 Of course, it could work the other way:

event (good news) > body response (relaxing tensed muscles) > feeling the emotion (joy, relief) > expressing the emotion (smiles, tears)

I hope that understanding where your body responses are stemming from and, by understanding, perhaps be less fearful of the more negative impacts of events on you?

Do you know when you will get the results?

Fingers crossed that your response can be tears of relief and joy of relief !!!