New to the group- feeling guilty and scared

Hello Jesse, I'm sorry to hear about your anxieties. I would say that this time of waiting for tests and results is the worst time of the whole prostate cancer journey. It is a time of sheer, all consuming anxiety and most of seem to have felt this at the stage you are at.

You say you have worked hard to provide really well for your family. Well - I think it very likely that they will feel they want to 'pay you back' and support you in your time of need. Please talk to them and tell them about your worries. For me, the hardest part of all was that my husband just would not talk to me at this stage. I felt so shut out.In fact, my 13 year old granddaughter talked more openly than my husband! My daughter was and still is an absolute star in the support she gave! Our other children live further away but they all made regular contact. I know everyone approaches this differently, though.

I hope all goes well with the biopsy and please rest assured that there are a lot of people in this forum who will offer you heaps of support and advice!  Please, also, let us know how you get on!

Good luck!

Hi Jesse

You are not wrecking anything. I'm sure your daughter will ( as WW has said) ' payback' the love and care she has received. Sharing with her may lighten the load for you. 

Again, as WW has said, one of the worst parts of the journey, is the seemingly endless waiting for one thing or another. The results from every test, seems to take weeks to be reported. This, of course, gives plenty of time to fret and worry. 

Let us know your stats, when you have them, and we can help further.

Regards

Stuart

The good news is that you have joined this group for support, and you will get it. My husband was diagnosed in April and since then we have had to cancel 3 cruises for this year. I know he feels guilty but I told him just think of all the money we are saving in not buying me even more sparkly dresses that I don't need but want. We are a team and in this together. You haven't wrecked anything, you can't help what has happened. I was in bits when he was first diagnosed and this group helped pull me out telling me I would have good days. I didn't believe them, but they were right. In fact yesterday I had a fit of the giggles over something silly, I was sure I would never laugh again. You will adapt and learn to do things differently. Husband had his first chemo last week and I thought that is it until his last session,too scared to go out because of infection. I gave myself a stern talking to and looked for a solution. We like going to garden centres so will take his own mug and teaspoon and I will pour his tea so he doesn't have to touch anything. We can sit outside away from others, so problem solved . We are now looking forward to next year when we can cruise again. Good luck, we are here for you

Hi Jesse - Welcome  to the club and as others have said before  me - you are in the right place for help advice and general support.

T3a N1 - as you suspect is the cancer has broken out of the prostate and the lymph nodes contain cancer - this will be confirmed by the biopsy. This is very treatable so no need to worry too much. 

I kept my family in the loop throughout the whole cancer journey and they were so supportive and the good people in this community were amazing. Yes it's cancer but yes  you can get through it with help support and the right treatment.

If it helps you read through my cancer journey - click on the icon of the beach. I had some other issues as well as the cancer but was initial diagnosed as a T3a and although they were unsure about my lymph nodes these were treated "just in case".

As Stuart (Scampidoodle) above says - let us have your diagnosis and we can give you more help/direction.

Best wishes

Brian.

Hi Jesse

This disease has no boundaries, everyone on here feels why me, but it’s a way of life more and more people have this, it’s hereditary. About the guilty you cannot feel responsible for something out of your control, there’s some great treatments out there, you’ll be with us for many years.

Stay Safe

Joe

Hi Jesse,

I have have the same T3a N1 as you. I’m over 2 years into it , 

still working , and it’s physical, I do have bad days just like everyone else on here I’m sure. Overall it’s doable .

Once on one of my bad days I spoke to my wonderful clinical nurse, who reminded me that she has T4 that have been on their books for 15 years or more.

No one knows what’s round the corner, but you’re not going to wreck anything I’m sure your family will rally around.

good luck

Tony

Thank you for your messages below. The week ahead includes a Biopsy, PET scan and treatment plan I expect to have a clearer idea of what happens next. 

Morning Jesse, once you have had all your tests and results you will have a clearer picture of treatments that you will be offered. As for your family you haven't let them down and they will be your support during your journey. Once all your tests are done you will have many questions. I remember the day I was diagnosed, 2 years this coming Wednesday, my wife and I were given lots of information from the specialist nurses and a contact number for the cancer co-ordiantor who 'get stuff done.' 

All the best Graham.