Fatigue

Morning Jane, welcome to the Prostate Cancer forum.  There are lots of wives in the forum who will be able to offer you lots of advice.

It's hard for men to understand how much this all affects our wives and partners.  It all hits you just as much as it does us.

What you say, knocks the nail right on the head:

Jane xx said:

I feel like we are on a cancer roundabout that’s just getting faster and faster and I’m losing control.

By the end of the day, I bet you will be inundated with replies with help and support from other wives.

Take care of each other.

Hello Jane, from my point of view, I’m not coping very well!  My husband started on hormone therapy last November and has now completed 15 of 20 RT sessions. During this time I have watched him change from an active pensioner to an old man! It breaks my heart! He has aged 10 years in 6 months!  That said, I’m doing exactly as you are doing - trying to make him feel loved, valued, supported and as involved as much as possible but also aware that his energy is flagging and not demanding marathon running ( not that we have ever done that!)

I don’t think this journey is easy for either partner . I was reflecting this morning and would sum our situation up as not so much as a roundabout but as having gone through some sort of tectonic shift. He has moved ahead into a different ‘way of being’ and it was not his choosing and I’ve been trying to hold on to the last ‘way of being’. But, we stood at the altar almost 50 years ago and the vows we made then are as relevant, if not more so, now than then. We’ve had ways of being involving years of babies, children and work. etc. Weve had a way of being  with semi retirement and wonderful holidays. We’ve now moved into this anltered way of being dominated by cancer. As with other such shifts, we have to adjust our mind set and I’m beginning to realise that we have to accept the diagnosis and the treatment and do the most we can to enjoy what joys we can.

perhaps not the ideal answer but we’ve just been out for lunch with family and such a simple pleasure brings a lot of joy. We have to value what we have today. Tomorrow can look after itself - I can’t think too much about the future and about things that might or might not happen!

I hope you can step off the roundabout and find a bit of ‘road’ without bumps, pot holes and nasty bends.

take care x

Hi Jane.  So sorry to hear you are on this journey.   I talked to me wife about your post.  

No.magic answer I'm afraid.  Just lots of talking to make sure we are on the same page.  The fatigue is tricky and impacts the life you had (for both of you). We both keep throwing out ideas of things to do to keep occupied and slowly we think we are getting into a new rhythm of life.  Just a different one to the one we had. Keeping busy but building in down time to.

Best wishes to you both.

Andy

Hello!

My husband doesn't have prostate cancer but has bowel cancer but some of the comments here I can identify with. He was officially diagnosed with bowel cancer in July 2021. He went through a bowel resection operation shortly after that and in January 2022 he went in and got his tumour cut out. The tumour had been estimated to have apprently been there for 4 years previous without showing symptoms and just began to surface at the end of 2020 with him having far too many trips to the loo. They got all his cancer with clear nodes we were told and no need for adjuvant chemotherapy although I questioned this should it be done as a precaution and was told no because if its not necessary they don't do it. Five months down the line the cancer was back and surgery this time was not an option. So chemotherapy it was. He started his chemotherapy CAPOX mid August last year. Sailed through the first 3 sessions but became very ill after the 4th and it had to be stopped. A few months later they tried him on a new regime of 5FU got one session of that under his belt then blood tests done before the next session showed dehydration so he was hospitalised for 12 days this took in New Year 2022 so for the first time in 39 years we were unable to bring in the New Year together. His kidney function levels had dropped also and it resulted in him having a catheter fitted. It was then found out that the chemo had actually damaged his kidneys. Last month (January) he got up one morning and began to feel really cold and began shivering uncontrollably and became very lethargic and just about passed out. I phoned a cancer specialist nurse who in turn ordered an ambulance for him immdiately the paramedics arrived and took his blood pressure temperature etc and his BP was dropping rapidly and his temperature was sky high. They got him into resuss to monitor him and because his blood pressure wasn't behavining itself he was admitted to the High Dependency unit in the hospital where he stayed for 10 days. While there he had to go through a nephrostomy operation for his kidneys so he now has to wear two bags for that too one either side of his back. We found out on his discharge he was diagnosed with urosepsis and the doctor told him it was lucky they got him in when they did. He was dishchared on the 3rd February. Then on the 13th Feb, he said he was feeling cold again and I took his temperature which was normal and his blood pressure which was also normal but later that day his blood pressure began to drop again. I eventually phoned 111 (NHS24) and they arranged for an on-call GP to come out that evening to check my husband over. She said everything was fine and his BP had stabalised his temperature etc were normal. The next day a district nurse came in to take his bloods and later that afternoon our own GP phoned to say his bloods were showing dehydration again and so he would need to be re-admitted to hospital but this time he was just going to the Acute Services department (A& E). So he's been in and sorted for a 3rd time. But as worriedwife is saying my husband has gone from his `happy-go-lucky` `cheeky chappie` self to an old man that just sits in a chair every day. We too had so many plans when he retired but cancer and type 2 diabetes (he was diagnosed with that in 2019 just before he retired but covid put a stop to us working on that) has robbed of us of our plans and his retirement up to now has been more or less hospitals, clinics and GP surgeries. When he worked for 40 plus years he never saw the inside of a GP practice and the only time he was in hospital was once when he broke his wrist after falling off a ladder while out working either that or just going into visit someone now he's never out of them. He looks all of his 69 years and more now. Every now and then I get wee flashes of his `old self` his cheeky banter etc which I miss now. I just feel like his carer now than his wife. He needs to use a zimmer frame for now to help his walking. His mobility was getting better until the sepsis happened and this has now set him back again. I just reflect on how everything was up to three years ago and now feel that we may never get that back again so as mentioned it can be an `emotional roundabout` as some of you have mentioned. 

Vicky x 

Vicki.  Holy wotsit!  Jeez what you guys have been through.  Thoughts are with you and all others having a difficult time.  Andy x

Hi Vicky - what can I say - you have been through the mill. Yes it's an emotional roundabout but when you go from being a "cheeky chappie" to an old man that's where it hurts. We men suffer but we have no idea how it affects our partners - wives - friends - you support us through the bad times and the odd good time but we have no idea how it affects you. I feel for you - I am a lucky boy (67) I have been lucky  but I see, read and hear now how this cancer and others have a devastating effect on other people. You have my total sympathy. I wish I could help - but feel free to let off steam here -we are a good bunch and we don't bite if you want to chat - we are all here for you.

My best wishes - Brian.

Thank you for your kind words. 

Thank you for your advice. I’ve gone part time at work snd we are definitely doing more things together. I know it should be take one day at a time, but in the dark hours of the night, I can’t stop my mind from wandering.

Call Vicky. I’m so sorry you are both having such a hard time of it. My thoughts are with you and your other half if ever you need to rent please feel free to contact me it’s hard but I know we’re both doing our best

Hi Andy, thank you for your kind words. I know there are no magic answers (I really wish there was for everybody on here) I guess I just have to get used to our new way of life take the good with the bad.