Heartbroken

Hi Dorothy

Nothing can prepare you for the shock. I can recall, in August 2019, when I was told that I had it. Like you, I was wandering about in a daze for days. 

I also, could only take one step at a time as, when diagnosed and for months after, couldn't take in the overall bigger picture. This is why this forum is so useful we are all at different stages.

My partner was there ( she is a registered nurse) and picked up all the details. I pretty much, didn't hear anything after the word cancer. 

All you can do, as I'm sure you are, is to be there for him. Attend all meetings, phone calls, procedures and scans, manage his diary etc and be his advocate. 

Hope this view, from someone who has PC, rather than living with someone who has PC, helps.

Regards

Stuart

Dorothy, sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.  I think your reactions are totally normal.  It's hard for a man to see it from your side, there are quite a few wives who regularly contribute to this forum.  I think it really does help them as much as it does for us men 

I was totally numb last year when I was diagnosed, when I was told about the Cancer it was the reaction of Tracey my partner that was heartbreaking for me.

I always made sure she was at every appointment as she knows more about me than the doctors do.

For a few months I would just cry and cry at nothing.  I went through the "Why me?" Phase, onto the "angry" phase, then when I accepted it, I was calmer.

All I can say is try to be strong for your husband, and don't forget yourself.  Hopefully you will connect with some of the other wives and they may be able to pass on some good advice on coping.

We are all thinking of you both.

Hi Dorothy

Its never the best news you can receive, it’s a total heartbreaker, everyone on here knows first how he’s doing so well coping, second how your handling it. In your husbands case, he is relying on the urology team to keep him going, they cannot change his condition, but they can do a lot to keep him with you.

Your a little like my wife, knows what’s going to happen, but worries about everything shows very little, I know she has a cry when I’m not about, Because maybe like your husband, I’ve been called a hero, superstar, etc for the way I keep fighting, it’s only having a good partner beside me that keeps me going. His team will look after him.

Stay safe

Joe

Hi Dorothy, I'm sorry to see you on this site but welcome anyway, your husband diagnosis is a reflection of mine, I agree with what you have been told by the others and yes the response of both of you to such news is totally normal.

You are definitely not alone, there are 2 groups for you to join this one and the living with incurable cancer group I'm on both and found them very helpful and supportive.

If you touch the icon next to our names you will see our profiles, reading them might help.

All the best Ulls 

Hi Dorothy,

I’m so sorry that you have had this news. Exactly a year ago today my husband and I had the same news. Advanced PC diagnosed at stage 4 to bone, lymph and both lungs. 
We both thought he had months to live by the way it was told to us over the phone by someone who did it all wrong. We were devastated, numb then the tears came. I couldn’t stop! My hubby gets a bit down but generally he is great. this group is amazing for us and as you get to know the members and read their journeys you will realise there are years of life to be had even at stage 4. 

Anyway, here we are a year on and doing not too bad on Arbiterone and Prostap 3. Awaiting some precautionary scans for a little pain but probably due to side effects of the treatment. 

Like the men here are saying you can support your husband by managing his appointment diary and attending the appointments. Knowledge helps me so I read a lot. Seek support for yourself too. I’m not so great at that but I’ve suffered as a result. 
Macmillan are wonderful!

message me anytime… I’m here if you need a chat…

Louli xx

Louli, Thanks for reaching out to Dorothy.  I know it's hard enough for you, but I bet it will make a difference, help Dorothy feel that she's not alone in this.

I know, from a man's point of view, last year after my diagnosis, I felt like it was only happening to me.  I found this wonderful forum and...we are not alone!

Best wishes to you and your husband.

Awe thanks Stevecam… we were told over the phone and it was brutal. We are all here for each other as you say in this group and I’m so glad the wives are made so welcome.

I don’t know what I would’ve done without it.

sending much gratitude your way,

Louli

Louli, we would be nowhere without our wives and partners.

I bet I am not alone in this.

Hi Steve

 Couldn't agree more - wives and partners can listen and take in the news, whilst our brains have turned into marshmallows!

Regards

Stuart

Hi Louli

I cannot imagine being given the news via a phone call - unbelievably cruel and lacking empathy. 

Covid and WFH has a lot to answer for.

Regards

Stuart