It's not me, it's my husband

Hi, didn't want to ignore but don't have any advice.

My mum has just been diagnosed and I've just found this forum. Sending support x

HI Peachez, I am sorry to hear the news of your husband. Everyone deals with this in a different way so it's difficult to give advice. My husband was a bit withdrawn towards the end. I think the main thing is to be there for him and to try to find something enjoyable to do every day. This might be quite simple like an ice cream treat. I'd be inclined to say that if your husband doesn't want to speak about the future don't push him. Just let him do things in his own time.

Squeaky

Thank you Squeaky, this is really helpful & after waking in the small hours and finding advice on this site, was the way I was thinking of approaching things too. We have just this morning talked about the fact I have some ice creams stashed away in the garage freezer ! 

Hi...my husband was diagnosed in Feb this year....and was due to have a Whipple procedure in May..but because of the extent of the tumour and its "involvement " with blood vessels the surgery was just palliative bypass only. My husband and all our family have shed so many tears...thought we would never stop. Like your husband my husband I'd having palliative chemotheraphy and has been advised that he may only have at most a year....but we aim to live life to its fullest..and when my husband feels good we make plans and hopefully we can fulfill them. My husband was prescribed an anti depressant which has helped as he was so low, and don't be afraid to ask for help, there are some brilliant services out there for both your husband and you. Take care of yourself and your husband

Peachez and Ollielolly

Having been in this situation with my husband my advice is to take one day at a time. Be guided by what he feels and follow his way of thinking. The fear of what is going to happen is worse than what actually happens. In all this, you will have some very good days.

I stressed greatly about my husband not eating and all that did was to stress him. It really doesn't matter what they eat. Ice cream is as good as anything.

Squeaky 

Thank you Ollielolly, I'm hoping very much to get more help in place. Once the hospice we've been referred to get in touch I shall be making sure to take advantage of all they offer. By the time we've got things up and running we shall be a couple of months into our 'about a year', and I guess I'm feeling a bit impatient  ! 

One of my husband's friend's, who lost his wife to cancer in Jan, offered coffee yesterday,, and my husband agreed to go with me tagging along. It certainly seems to have done some good, and he's said the thought of seeing other friends is now less daunting. He's also finally sounding more positive about getting his broken laptop fixed (it's been dead more than a week), and also is coming out to try a tri walker with a seat this morning, just so we can make more of any days out, especially when the grandchildren visit. I just hope this chink of positivism means the 'ice' is cracking - and we can get on with enjoying some of the days we have left together. xxx 

Excellent advice Squeaky, thank you again. It seems to be I have my own fight with the fear, I'm going to work on that. And yes, my husband used to inhale food and go back for 3rds... ironically his high blood sugars were taken as sign of pre diabetes, and he set about losing weight - over 2st. Now seeing him leave food, or only eat half a sandwich etc is very distressing for me. I hate trowing food out too. But just for the time being I'm going to have to be more flexible around this thinking. I lived on biscuits and ice cream while he was in hospital, and didn't do too badly after all 

Hi..totally get your Impatience..we had the same issue in the beginning but like you once the hospice team got involved my husband has had physio,  psycho-oncology  support, more dietician support, and an "ear" to be there for us both..plus they helped to sort out all the benefits my husband was entitled to which took the stress from me ..and yes if he wants ice cream then he can have a bucket...keep smiling