It's not quite the wee small hours but nearly. My wife sleeps soundly at my side- thank God- but I find myself impotent at the knowledge I'm going to lose my life long love..
In 2021 we were on holiday and she turned yellow overnight. Soon after she had a Whipples procedure and then Folfirinox,.For eight months she endured it and we hoped all was gone. Then in December we received the devastating news it was back. In multiple sites around the blood vessels that feed and return from the bowel plus the lungs. The specialists were kind but clear... there is no cure.
She made the brave decision to live life to the full and not to undergo more chemo... and that is what we are doing!
It's so hard to see appetite impinged and weight dropping off. She's now on 10mg mst every 12hours and that seems to be keeping the pain at bay. Antidepressants have helped her mood and we try to make the most of every day.
I'm here for her but I recognise I'm watching her slip away... my lover and soul mate. Then, in my sadness, I feel guilty for considering my self, given all she must be feeling.
I knowing not alone... thank you for reading.
Paul
Hi Paul
I am so sorry that your wife has pancreatic cancer. It must be really hard for you both at the moment.
I can understand her decision to leave the chemo and live life to the full. I hope that you are both having some better days where you can do some of the things that you want to.
I understand why you feel guilty for considering your own emotions, but you should not. It is very natural in these times of sadness to feel a huge range of emotions. It is difficult to see someone that you love going through cancer.
I am glad that the antidepressants are helping and that you are trying to make the most of each day. It is also good to read that her pain is under control at the moment.
You are not alone and we are here for you. Sometimes it can help just to express how you feel on here so please do continue to do so. We also have the Support Line available if you need to talk to someone. They are lovely on there.
I have been on both sides having lost my Mother to cancer and also from having cancer myself. I know that for your wife, having you there to support on both the good and bad days will make a big difference.
I hope that you have a chance to have some more time together and to do some special things. I know for us, simple things like being able to sit outside in the garden in the warm sun made a difference.
If there is anything you need, then you know where we are.
Jane
It sounds like you have had so many adventures and just at the right time. I am sorry to hear that your wife's health has declined. Am so pleased that her Macmillan nurse has been so supportive.
We are here if you need us. If you need anything just ask.
Jane
